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Foundational Mindsets

Topic
Curriculum

Welcome to Seduction University!

1. “I Love Myself & My (Single) Life”

Many men go through a dating course because they think they’re not “good enough”.

And some men -and most women- think that they need a partner to be “better” and “complete”.

Both mindsets are based on what we might call a “deficiency mindset”.

There is some merit in deficiency mindsets.
And the biggest merit is that they light up the fire and push you for “more”.

At the same time, there can be heavy costs in deficiency mindsets.

When you date from a frame of deficiency, you tend to come across as needy.

Whenever you meet a new woman, you think about what she can do for you.
You think you can “get her”, how she can “complete you”.
The problem is that most women don’t dream of “completing a man”. They dream of a man with options, goals, and interests who has his life on point and who doesn’t make her the #1 priority.

Dating from a deficiency mindset is inherently lower-power and less effective.
What’s more effective is the guy who is happy with who he is and the life he leads, and who thinks that any woman would be lucky to join him.

Self-Love

A deficiency mindset often stems and/or overlap with a general lack of self-acceptance and self-love.

That’s something you might want to look into because it’s one of the foundational aspects of effective dating.

Starting from a base of self-acceptance and self-love will make you happier, better at dating, better as a partner, and even a far better seducer -it’s so much easier to seduce, lead, and make people want to follow you when you believe and act like a happy, self-loving person-.

See “Ultimate Power” for more on general self-development and other crucial mental shifts (ie. “antifragile ego” and “growth mindset”).
But a good tip for maintaining self-acceptance while also putting in work and struggling, is this:

2. “I Love The Struggle”

Ideally, dating becomes “natural, easy, and fun”.

But, let’s be honest:

Before you get there, it might take some time.
PLUS… Not everybody gets there.

The great news is that you can achieve success even if dating means struggling to you.

And the best way to achieve results while struggling is to embrace the struggle.
Ideally, love the struggle.

Struggling is an OPPORTUNITY.
It’s an opportunity to learn and grow WHILE making stories and experiences.

What a luxury, what a blessing.

Ideally, you need nothing else.
But I know that we’re wired to base our self-esteem and happiness depending on what others are doing.

So here is some information that can help you embrace the struggle while still loving yourself and your life:

Embrace It Because Everyone’s Struggling

Many men acquire a deficiency mindset because they think they’re the only ones struggling.

So every time they see themselves struggle, they f el diminished and see it as the sign that they’re not “good enough”.

Instead, here’s the biggest kept secret in the world:

Everyone is struggling.

Or, at least, 99.5% of people.

First off, because it’s in the nature of humans.
And second, because of the “spiral of faking”.

We’re Wired to Want What’s Right Above Our Grasp

It’s in the nature of humans to want to have what they don’t yet have.

That is true for almost everyone.

Simply knowing and accepting that is liberating.
Now you know that “struggling” doesn’t mean you’re doing poorly, but it just means you’re human.

The Emperor Has No Clothes: Everyone’s Faking Success

Many people have low self-confidence because they compare themselves to others.

Comparing yourself to others generally doesn’t do much good to you.
But it’s especially useless and harmful when that “others” you’re comparing to is made-up and inexistent.

I call this “spiral of faking”, adapting from the “spiral of silence”.

The “spiral of faking” is the social-level natural consequence of every individual’s tendency to portray themselves as better.
Such, we all tend to:

  1. Portray and talk up our success only -not the defeats or the absence of success-
  2. Inflate our successes

The spiral of faking has reached new, epidemic proportions with social media, group chats, and “gurus marketing”.

Read here for more:

And I’m also part of it.
On this website, you’re far more likely to read positive texts and interactions rather than me missing an easy lay, being rejected 10 times in a row, being heartbroken, not meeting a second time a girl I wanted to meet a second time, or going for long(ish) stretches without a (new) sex partner.

But all of those things have happened, happen, and will happen -many times-.

Lifetime sexual partners average is between 4 & 8

Finally, keep this in mind:

The average lifetime sexual partner count is between 4 and 8.
That’s like one sexual partner per decade.

That should help you to stop thinking that everyone’s getting laid left and right -except for you-.

3. “Dating Is An Opportunity For Self-Development”

So, what’s a good mindset to embrace the struggle?

It’s to look at dating-related efforts and struggles as an opportunity for self-development.

Looking at dating as an opportunity for self-development naturally embraces the struggle, supports self-love, and provides you with the “motivation for more”.

No different than exercising, learning new things, eating well, growing your work-related skills, getting better at your hobbies, meditating, and anything else you do for yourself.
Now, to that list, you can also add “growing while looking for a great partner”.

4. “It’s A Numbers’ Game To Find Love”

This mindset is crucial to:

  • Overcome any anxiety around dating
  • Grow a more antifragile ego and self-esteem around dating
  • Move past rejections unaffected
  • Approach dating with a focus on efficiency

This mindset is especially useful for men looking for a long-term partner.

Men looking for a long-term partner often appreciate, want, or even long, for a strong emotional bond and connection, and for a supportive partner with whom to form a team.

That’s great.

However, unluckily, it often leads to poorer results in dating because many of these men sub-communicate that their lives isn’t great as it is.

To fix those issues, we espouse here a numbers’ and process-driven approach to love & seduction.
And we advise to also embrace that as a general mindset towards dating.

The mindset is:

To find a great partner with whom to share my great life, I must go through a lot of interactions, approaches, and dates. And the more interactions I go through, the better partner I can find, and the better team we can form.

It’s not cold or calculative.
The opposite is true: that’s how you most reliably find a partner, love and win-win relationship(s).

Funny enough the “finding love” part is also helpful for men who are into dating for “notch-collection”.
Enjoying the moment, loving the romance, bonding and connecting… These are all crucial elements for seduction that “notch collectors” often do poorly.

5. “I’m A Great Catch”

This is the mindset that makes you date as:

  1. A high-value man
  2. High power
  3. A value-giver

Most men who struggle don’t see themselves as great catches.

And, in some cases, that’s actually an accurate analysis.
And this is why we say that general self-development should also be part of your dating efforts.

When approach from a frame of being low-value, they always feel like they are taking from the woman, and lucky if they get a chance.
And that makes them tentative, low-power, and low confidence -not exactly a recipe for dating success-.

Exercise: List 5 Reasons Why You’re A Great Catch

And if you aren’t yet, list 5 reasons why will be (soon).

Or why you MIGHT be for some women.

And if you can’t find anything, then think of exceptions.

For example, I’m very thin / slim-fit.
To most guys focusing on muscle and physique, that’s a recipe for disaster in dating.
And with many, they’d probably be right.
But with many others, not.
Several women I’ve dated loved it. Some wished to have thin daughters and fantasized about that with me. And some had the “thin ideal” burned in their mind and it even made them slightly insecure around me (and of course, to many it didn’t matter either way).

This exercise helps you internalize that you’re a great catch.

However, what’s really challenging is to maintain that belief in the face of struggling and rejections.

And to do that, you need to develop an antifragile ego (and we go back to general self-development here. See more in “Ultimate Power”).

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