Module 3 - Workplace Power, Politics & Power Moves
- 1. Basics of Workplace Power
- 2. Power Plan: Concrete Steps to Launch Your Career
- 3. The 17 Political Pitfalls to Avoid
- 4. The 11 Types of Political Players (& How to Deal With Them)
- 5. Dealing With Bad Bosses (& Beating Them For Good)
- Self Awareness Analysis Quiz: Do You Have a Problem With Power?
- 6. Power Leechers: Recognizing & Beating The Most Insidious Political Animals
- 7. Spotting & Beating Workplace Power Moves
- 8. Beating Workplace Enemies
Module 4 - Dating & Seduction
- 1. Dating & Attraction: The Full Explanation (Made Simple)
- Mating Intelligence Quiz: What Game Is She Playing?
- 2. Power & Games In Seduction: The Full Overview (Made Simple)
- Mating Intelligence Quiz: What Dating Strategy is She Using?
- 3. Dating Is a Dance of Dominance & This Post Shows How to Dance
- 4. Games Men Play & Why: Understanding Men
- 5. Cockblockers: The Complete Guide to Beat Them
- Quiz: How Would You Handle This Cockblocker?
- 6. Sex, Dating, Relationships & Power
- Quiz: Intra-Gender Warfare – When Women Fight Women
- Mating Intelligence: What Dating Strategy Is He Using?
Module 5 - Relationship Power Dynamics
- 1. Disclaimer: Avoid Engaging in Relationships’ Power Moves
- 2. Power in Relationships: The Full Theory (Made Simple)
- Social Awareness Quiz: Who’s Got Power in This Relationship?
- 3. The 2 Secrets to Relationship Control
- 4. Relationship Power: How Women Control Men (& What to Do About It)
- Mind Control Quiz: How Some Women Control The Most Dominant Men
- 5. Relationship Control: How Men Fight Back (& What to Do About It)
- 6. Female Power Moves (& How to Deal With Them)
- 7. Relationship Trump Cards: Games of Chicken & Breakup Threats
- 8. Relationship Cure: How to Fix All Games
- Emotional Intelligence Quiz: Turning Arguments Into Love Fests
Module 7 - Bonuses
- Power Moves FAQ
- World’s Lies: The Systemic Games People Play
- Genders & Cultures: Different Approaches to Power
- Case Study: Johnny Depp
- Social Finessing: 23 Power Pills to Increase Your Influence
- Power & Vulnerability: When to Be Vulnerable & When to Avoid
- Increasing Your Emotional intelligence Test #1
- Increasing Your Emotional intelligence Test #2
- RSD Tyler: Domain Authority Failure
- Dating Competition: When a Nice Guy Meets an Asshole
2. Submission – Assertion – Aggression Continuum: You Need Them All
Most resources on communication and social skills present assertion as the sweet spot between submission and aggression.
And that makes sense indeed.
As a rule of thumb, you want to eliminate submissive behavior and you want to avoid aggression as well.
However, rule of thumbs have rarely carried anyone to greatness or mastery.
To become good, really good, rules of thumbs need not to apply.
And in the social skills, to become really good, you need to learn the whole spectrum from submission to assertion to aggression.
Both in the ability to read other people’s behavior, and in the ability to decide which behavior you should apply.
Yes, including submission and aggression.
Using Submission For Social Power
Dating and relationships is one classical example where submission from the female part can lean men to protect, provide and, generally, act on their behalf.
But there are plenty more uses for submission.
Putting a Girl At Ease
To keep within the male/female interaction, a man should not approach a woman too confidently in situations where she could perceive it as dangerous -ie. at night when she’s alone-. In those situations, he’s better off sending “friendly” and submissive signals and later to show confidence and dominance.
Submission is also helpful to re-balance relationships.
David J. Lieberman correctly points out that if you hurt someone a “sorry” might sometimes not be enough. The quickest -and deepest- way to mend the relationship instead is to give them power you -ie.: voluntary taking a submissive position-.
A third example is to avoiding punishment by strategically playing the submissive idiot.
A friend of mine had been called by the finance office for potential tax return fraud, a criminal misdeed.
While some advised him to contact a lawyer, he showed in the office with broken local language, saying it was the first time he “tried” to file his own tax returns, pretending he didn’t know what was wrong and then asking “OK, what should I do now” -an act of verbal submission-.
The officers told him there was a mistake, and admonished him to be careful because that mistake could be a criminal offense. My friend acted with restrained shock and muttered it was probably the last time he should try to file his own tax returns.
Result: he got away scot-free.
Now I don’t necessarily recommend you use submission to break the law or to avoid punishment, but it’s another example in which submission trumps aggression and assertion in getting what you want.
Using Aggression For Social Power
And there are plenty of times when aggression is the best course of action.
A good example is answering to aggression with aggression.
Simple assertiveness against aggression, indeed, can make you look weak in some situations.
The 2017 presidential debate is such an example:
Trump’s aggressive tactics allowed him to curtail Hillary’s right to speak and making her look defensive and submissive.
Another situation where aggression is useful is in romantic relationships when one partner is verbally assaulting the other.
While many relationship guides and gurus recommend people not to respond to aggression, that’s often counter-productive because it makes you look like a submissive punching bag -especially bad for the man-.
And when you stay unreactive to blaming, it also makes you look guilty by default.
The only moment when Robin Williams seems to have a shred of dignity in the Mrs Doubtfire divorce scene is when he raises his level of aggression to match hers:
During the course we will see plenty more examples and you will understand when it’s best to use submission, assertion or aggression.
In general, men are given more leeway to be aggressive and they would lose social points if they over-rely on submissive behavior to get what they want.
For women, it’s the opposite.
Women are considerate higher quality and are more sought after when they can get what they want using less aggression and assertion.
This is not to say, of course, that women should never be aggressive and that men should never be submissive.
What we said previously stands: there is a time and place for (almost) everything.
But, on average, women lose in femininity and charming power when they overdo assertion and aggression. And men lose respect when they overdo submission.
That means that, on average, women are better off positioning themselves further down the assertion continuum compared to men and men further up as compared to women.
The biggest loss for both genders when they miss-position themselves comes in dating -first and foremost- and intimate relationships second.
Submissive men are very unattractive and aggressive women are very unattractive.
The smallest loss instead happens in the workplace.
Because the ideal of the workplace is a neutral structure where people are ranked on skills and results only.
Reality of course rarely matches the ideal and we’ll see more on it in the workplace section.
Pay Lip Service to Opposing The Double Standard
The above is an example of what has been dubbed the “double standard”.
Some of us might not like the double standard and the current culture in the West is one of opposing the double standard.
I’m not telling you here to disregard the general culture: quite the opposite.
To be a socially powerful player you need to know the culture around you and, unless you can afford being a lone wolf, you need to play within the cultural confines.
But you also need to know when your play is simple lip service and you should not actually follow the general culture with your actions.
The double standard is one such example: pretend you don’t differentiate between genders and avoid saying that assertive women are “unfeminine” and submissive men “pussies”.
But keep acting as if everyone still thinks that way.
Because they do.