Module 3 - Workplace Power, Politics & Power Moves
- 1. Basics of Workplace Power
- 2. Power Plan: Concrete Steps to Launch Your Career
- 3. The 17 Political Pitfalls to Avoid
- 4. The 11 Types of Political Players (& How to Deal With Them)
- 5. Dealing With Bad Bosses (& Beating Them For Good)
- 6. Toxic Employees (Guide for Managers)
- Self Awareness Analysis Quiz: Do You Have a Problem With Power?
- 7. Sociopaths: Recognizing & Beating The Worst Political Animals
- 8. Spotting & Beating Workplace Power Moves
- 9. Beating Workplace Enemies
- 10. A Guide for Female Leaders
Module 4 - Dating & Seduction
- 1. Dating & Attraction: The Full Picture (Made Simple)
- Mating Intelligence Quiz: What Game Is She Playing?
- 2. Power & Games In Seduction: A Walk-Through From 1st Meeting to Relationship
- Mating Intelligence Quiz: What Dating Strategy is She Using?
- 3. Dating Is a Dance of Dominance & This Post Shows How to Dance
- 4. Games Men Play & Why: Understanding Men
- 5. Cockblockers: The Complete Guide to Beat Them
- Quiz: How Would You Handle This Cockblocker?
- 6. Sex, Dating, Relationships & Power
- Quiz: Intra-Gender Warfare – When Women Fight Women
- Mating Intelligence: What Dating Strategy Is He Using?
Module 5 - Relationship Power Dynamics
- 1. Disclaimer: Avoid Engaging in Relationships’ Power Moves
- 2. Power in Relationships: The Full Theory (Made Simple)
- Social Awareness Quiz: Who’s Got Power in This Relationship?
- 3. The Three Secrets to Relationship Control
- 4. Relationship Power: How Women Control Men (& What to Do About It)
- Mind Control Quiz: How Some Women Control The Most Dominant Men
- 5. Relationship Power: How Men Control Women (& What to Do About It)
- 6. Games Women Play & Power Moves (& How to Deal With Them)
- 7. Relationship Trump Cards: Games of Chicken & Threats
- 8. Relationship Cure: How to End All Games
- Emotional Intelligence Quiz: Turning Arguments Into Love Fests
Module 7 - Bonuses
- World’s Lies: The Systemic Games People Play
- Genders & Cultures: Different Approaches to Power
- Case Study: Johnny Depp
- Social Finessing: 24 Power Pills to Increase Your Influence
- Power & Vulnerability: When to Be Vulnerable & When to Avoid
- Increasing Your Emotional intelligence Test #1
- Increasing Your Emotional intelligence Test #2
- RSD Tyler: Domain Authority Failure
- Dating Competition: When a Nice Guy Meets an Asshole
- Bonus E-books
2. Submission – Assertion – Aggression Continuum: You Need Them All
Most communication and social skills resources present assertion as the sweet spot between submission and aggression.
And they are right… As a rule of thumb.
However, rules of thumb have rarely carried anyone to greatness.
And to become good, really good, you need to understand the exceptions as well.
In social skills that means you need to learn the whole spectrum from submission to assertion to aggression.
Using Submission For Social Power
Dating and relationships are one obvious example where submission from the female part can get men to act the way want (ie.: provide, protect and take care).
There are plenty more uses for submission.
Putting Women At Ease
To keep within the male/female interaction, a man should not approach a woman too confidently in situations where she could perceive it as dangerous -ie. at night when she’s alone-.
In those situations, he’s better off sending “friendly” and submissive signals and later to show confidence and dominance.
Submission helps to re-balance relationships when you have hurt someone or when you have abused your power.
David J. Lieberman correctly points out that if you hurt someone a “sorry” might not be enough.
The quickest -and the deepest- way to mend the relationship instead is to give them the power to punish you -which, if you do it well, will not lead to any punishment but to a better relationship-.
A third example is to avoiding punishment by strategically playing the submissive idiot.
This is especially useful when you have little
A friend of mine had been called by the finance office for tax return misrepresentation, a potential criminal offense if prosecuted.
My friend had (stupidly) “tried his hand” and he knew he was guilty.
While some advised him to contact a lawyer, my friend showed in the office with broken local language, saying it was the first time he tried to file his own tax returns, which was true, and playing the “sorry I messed this up” role.
He then asked, “OK, what should I do now”.
Asking “what should I do now” an act of submission because he is relinquishing power on his future behavior and asking the public servants to direct his behavior.
The fax officers admonished him to be careful because that mistake could be a criminal offense.
My friend acted with restrained shock and muttered it was probably the last time he would file his own tax returns.
Then they fixed the mistake together, the tax officer playing the professor and explaining and my friend playing the ignorant student.
Result: he got away scot-free.
Now I don’t necessarily recommend you try to use submissive behavior to break the law or to avoid punishment, but this is another example in which submission trumps both aggression and assertion in getting what you want.
If my friend had shown up playing the tough guy, or if he had arrived with a lawyer, chances would have been much higher that the situation would have escalated.
Using Aggression For Social Power
And there are plenty of times when aggression is the best course of action.
A good example is answering to aggression with aggression.
Simple assertiveness against aggression, indeed, can make you look weak.
The 2017 presidential debates present many of such examples:
Trump’s aggression allowed him to curtail Hillary’s speaking time.
She didn’t even have enough air time to make her points.
And from a political point of view, it looked like Trump was the embodiment of the angry citizen grilling an ineffective, crooked politician.
Hillary’s justification confirmed that impression.
Another example where it’s best to meet aggression with aggression is in some instances of couples’ arguments.
While many relationship guides and gurus recommend people not to respond to aggression, that can be counter-productive when it makes you look like a submissive punching bag (especially bad for men).
Note: also avoid staying unreactive in the face of aggressive blaming, because makes you look guilty by default.
The only moment when Robin Williams seems to have a shred of dignity in the Mrs Doubtfire divorce scene is when he raises his level of aggression to match hers:
Notice that it’s not about showing aggression: aggression is not attractive or powerful per se.
It’s that you via aggression, you show you are not a submissive punching bag who’s incapable of defending and drawing boundaries.
During this course we will see plenty more examples and you will understand when it’s best to use submission, assertion or aggression.
In general, men are given more leeway to be aggressive.
And men also lose more social points if their default state is too much on the submissive end of the spectrum.
For women, it’s the opposite.
Women are considerate higher quality and are more sought after when they can get what they want using less aggression and assertion.
This is not to say, of course, that women should never be aggressive and that men should never be submissive.
What we said stands: there is a time and place for (almost) anything.
But, on average, women lose social support when they overdo assertion and aggression. And men lose respect when they overdo submission.
That means that, on average, women are better off positioning themselves slightly lower on the assertion continuum compared to men; and men are better off positioning further up as compared to women.
The biggest loss for both genders when they miss-position themselves in the assertion continuum is in dating and relationships.
Submissive men are very unattractive and aggressive women are rather unattractive.
The smallest loss for more aggressive women instead happens in the workplace.
Because the workplace ideal is a neutral structure where people are ranked on skills and results only.
Of course, as we will see later that ideal “workplace meritocracy” doesn’t exist.
Pay Lip Service to Opposing The Double Standard
The fact that women and men are judged differently is an example of the so-called “double standard”.
Double standard often refers to gender, but it can be applied to races, skin colors, socio-economic background, etc.
From a purely Machiavellian perspective the best approach to the double standard is this:
1. Acknowledge the double standard exists and act accordingly to it
2. Publicly denounce the double standard and say it’s not cool
Why would you do that?
Because people do hold different groups of people to different standards, no matter what they say.
But our cultural zeitgeist says that we should all consider people the same way.
Not conforming to the zeitgeist makes you the easy target for all types of demonization, smear campaigns, and moral attacks.
So never, ever say that a woman is unattractive for being “unfeminine” and never, ever say that submissive men are “pussies”.
But keep acting as if everyone thinks that way.
Because they do.