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Best way to respond to "A guy wants to date me".

So, my current gf of a few months recently told me that she got asked for a date. She put me in a very difficult position by asking "Should I go?". I've had a previous gf say the same thing to me. Here's what ran through my mind when she said this:

  1. If I say no, I'd come across as needy and possessive, even if slightly.
  2. If I say yes, I'd come across as uncaring.

Both options were unappealing to me. So I just threw "It's your choice" out there. She then said, "Won't you get upset?" I said: "I don't get upset". She's been kinda pushing me for commitment so it was definitely a "others are waiting in line for me" manipulation move. I feel I separated myself out from other men who cry when their gf says this and beg her to not go whilst maintaining my power. We'll see. What's the best way to respond to this?

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Quote from han160891 on December 2, 2021, 4:56 pm

I feel I separated myself out from other men who cry when their gf says this and beg her to not go whilst maintaining my power. We'll see. What's the best way to respond to this?

READ EDIT FIRST

Tough love answer:

That was bad man.

You separated yourself from the "men who beg" by... Letting your girlfriend go on a date with another guy?

Don't feed your ego by looking at those who are below you.

The "men who beg" shouldn't even be on your radar.

Look at those who are above you.
Or even better, look at where you can be and want to be.

You didn't separate yourself from the men who say:

Are we in a relationship, yes or no?

And when she replies "yes":

Have we ever talked about an open relationship?

And after she says no:

Then explain to me, why the fuck are you asking me that question.

And if you want to overdo it, you might even add "are you stupid or what".

Then keep on going with total conviction until she stutters, defends, and can't come up with any good answer.

That's when she understands that her games are not welcome.

And she's not welcome when she plays those games.
So just to make sure she gets it, you can send her packing for the day.

 

Edit:

I only now noticed the "pushing for commitment line".

Then it's not your girlfriend.

And then, yes, it was a game for commitment.

Your answer in that was much better than if it was your GF.
But even better would have been: "do you want to go"?

Read here:

8 Tactics to Make Him Commit (Games Women Play)

Matthew Whitewood, han160891 and leaderoffun have reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewoodhan160891leaderoffun
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for the tough love.

I didn't consider that 'making her fall into her own web' strategy. I'm gonna tattoo that onto my brain. Since most of these games are unconscious, I don't know if sending her packing for the day is a good idea. Here's what I'll do next time:

  1. Make her conscious of her game (web strategy)
  2. If she changes her behavior, keep her
  3. If she continues, send her packing for the day

REPLY TO EDIT: Thanks! When I gave that answer to a similar question by my ex, things went smoothly afterward. I didn't lose my power. So I figured I handled it well. That relationship was great overall. We only broke up because it was long distance. We enjoy a healthy friendship now.

 

 

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Make sure to read the edit.

When I first went through it over-focused on the "gf" keyword and missed the fact that, it seems she is not officially your gf -but you know that better-.

That makes a huge difference:

  • Official GF = super nasty game that you just can't accept, and that's why the super intense frame control with final kick-out
  • Sleeping with but non commitment = still a game, but totally understandable. As a matter of fact, might even be a good sign as many high-quality women don't particularly enjoy being "FWB"
Matthew Whitewood and han160891 have reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewoodhan160891
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Hi Han,

Would it be possible to check what girlfriend means to you?
So that we can be on the same page in future discussions.

For example,

  • A girl you are dating casually
  • A more "serious" dating
  • Committed relationship

I'm aware that sometimes there can be cultural/personal differences in definitions.

There tends to be a societal connotation that

girlfriend = committed relationship

so I wanted to check on how you view the concept of girlfriend.

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