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Countering social ostracising attempts 'that's weird'

I had a combative work colleague who loved to Judge (ex lawyer so no surprise).  If I told a story would say 'that's weird' a lot.

I've also experienced this dating a couple of times (in the long ago) generally felt it was DOA after that comment.  No attraction without respect.

With the colleague I said '...and thank you Judge Judy while smiling and doing JJs famous chopping with the hand gesture'

I was caught off guard and I think this was a bit combative.   In PU Lucio gives a couple of counter lines:

  1. This is not about what I think. This is about how things are. And things are…blah blah
  2. Look This is not about what's normal or not normal. This is about….

I was wondering how to apply to this situation?

Another one I had on same project.  I was talking to lead tester about when I could do her stuff.  This colleague came charging across the room and said 'You're always a priority for me Mary'.   I countered with Really and what are you going to DO Susan (as she was known as being ineffective and not doing much).  But once again too combative.

How could I use Lucio's tactics to counter with more 'win win' replies?

Hello Transitioned,
Let's keep it to one question per topic, since those two power moves are quite different (changed the title to reflect the 1 question per topic approach).
Quote from Transitioned on November 13, 2020, 6:43 am

I had a combative work colleague who loved to Judge (ex lawyer so no surprise).  If I told a story would say 'that's weird' a lot.

I've also experienced this dating a couple of times (in the long ago) generally felt it was DOA after that comment.  No attraction without respect.

With the colleague I said '...and thank you Judge Judy while smiling and doing JJs famous chopping with the hand gesture'

I was caught off guard and I think this was a bit combative.   In PU Lucio gives a couple of counter lines:

  1. This is not about what I think. This is about how things are. And things are…blah blah
  2. Look This is not about what's normal or not normal. This is about….

I was wondering how to apply to this situation?

If you said that line well, it's a great reply.

It uses humor to highlight his judgmental power move and his unfriendly attitude.
If the relationship is overall OK and if you come across as high-power and assertive, humor can be a great tool to (lightly) shame people and restore a more respectful atmosphere with you in the lead.

Since "that's weird" can be a micro-aggression/covert power move, another good technique is to draw them out ("show me the hand"):

Him: That's weird
You: What do you mean?

If they keep hiding:

Him: What do I mean what?
You: You said it's weird. I'm not sure I understand what do you mean by that, I didn't see that weirdness in that

Then how you take it from there depends heavily on what they reply, and what your story was about.
If it was indeed somewhat weird, then you can convene with them and move on, but this time with a better understanding of each other.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

That makes a lot of sense because it's sniping and the first thing to do with snipers is remove their cover.

Lucio can you please clarify that second example I gave.  I thought it was the same thing because they're basically trying to get closer to the other person in the conversation and push you out.  Sounds like it's a bit different.

Can you please define the tactic so I can look it up.  Thanks

Hi Transitioned,

I didn't address the second example to stay on topic (ideally it's: 1 subject, 1 topic).

And yes, they do seem like quite different power dynamics.

But it's an interesting social situation, feel free to open a new topic for that.
Maybe a subject title like:

  • "You're always a priority for me" - the charming / flattering power move
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Yes sorry in my head I meant...and I ll open another thread. Trying to keep my thoughts concise and I overdo.