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Disrespectful - Ladder climbing in front of there peers

disrespect is a common social sticking point for me. I see it as ladder climbing. Looking back throughout my life it a common sticking point for me. I do not like playing social hierarchy games much and avoid the games.

So here is a exchange recently online where some people were very disrespectful.

Me: Does the shoulder press work the same muscles as the pullup?

Them: God dude if you have to ask this question you are helpless. We literally have a computer in are hands that can look up the data we need.

Ok so I did a search before asking the question and did not find the answer to the question I asked. I wasย  asking about a specific exercise. And I found nothing.

I simply ignored the rude responses and said thank you to the one guy who gave me a respectful answer. Please let me know how you would've dealt with the rude responses. Thank you.

It was definitely disrespectful.
It's not easy to know exactly what to do in weight lifting and strength training.
I especially dislike people who portray the attitude of it being so simple.

In short, it's alpha male posturing and, as you have mentioned, ladder climbing or social climbing.
They make it seem like

  • They have big muscles
  • They know it all and find it simple
  • I don't want you to be part of the circle

He could have just told you that

  • Shoulder press focuses more on deltoids (muscles around the shoulder)
  • Pull-up focuses more on the lats (back muscles) and is a compound exercise that trains other muscles as well
    Similary lat pulldowns.

(Fitness experts; please correct me; I am speaking from my own personal experience & knowledge)

You can frame him as being unhelpful and rude:

You: Does the shoulder press work the same muscles as the pullup?

Them: God dude if you have to ask this question you are helpless. We literally have a computer in are hands that can look up the data we need.

You: Wow, that's very rude ๐Ÿ˜€ (I think Lucio shared a similar example before in Power University.)

Or

You: Indeed, this is why people use the computer instead of asking you questions.

 

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Some more inputs:

  • Ignoring was OK (being able to ignore without taking it too much personally is also a crucial part of self-empowerment)
  • Ignoring AND thanking the one who had been kind was perfect, as it highlights even more the disparity of treatment (one gets rewarded, one gets ignored and he invested effort for nothing)
  • Quoting his message and saying "no need to be rude man, we're here to help each other, not to go out of our way to be... (aholes / rude / posturing for status / etc. etc. ) " might have also been OK
  • Rating his post negatively if there was such an option was OK
  • Quoting his post by saying "added to ignore list" if there was such an option was also OK
  • Flagging his post for admin review if such an option existed and if there was an admin who cares about having a better community

Also consider that:

  • You might be in an advanced forum, asking beginner questions, so it might be up to you to level up if you wanna stay there (not too unlike this forum , actually)
  • If it was several people answering that way, it might as Matthew mentioned: a place of turkey-level social climbers, alpha posturing guys. You can still learn about fitness, but make sure that once you close the forum, you didn't let them drag you down to turkey behavior in your life

And one tip:

It's better if you use the quote formating for dialogues (see how Matthew did it).
It might seem a detail, but knowing how to write and talk to meet your goals (in this case, getting feedback) is also about self-empowerment and power dynamics (in this case, influencing).

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on April 28, 2021, 6:20 am

It was definitely disrespectful.
It's not easy to know exactly what to do in weight lifting and strength training.
I especially dislike people who portray the attitude of it being so simple.

In short, it's alpha male posturing and, as you have mentioned, ladder climbing or social climbing.
They make it seem like

  • They have big muscles
  • They know it all and find it simple
  • I don't want you to be part of the circle

He could have just told you that

  • Shoulder press focuses more on deltoids (muscles around the shoulder)
  • Pull-up focuses more on the lats (back muscles) and is a compound exercise that trains other muscles as well
    Similary lat pulldowns.

(Fitness experts; please correct me; I am speaking from my own personal experience & knowledge)

You can frame him as being unhelpful and rude:

You: Does the shoulder press work the same muscles as the pullup?

Them: God dude if you have to ask this question you are helpless. We literally have a computer in are hands that can look up the data we need.

You: Wow, that's very rude ๐Ÿ˜€ (I think Lucio shared a similar example before in Power University.)

Or

You: Indeed, this is why people use the computer instead of asking you questions.

 

Thank you. So it is just a matter of being assertive. Great thanks.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood