Efficient use of your focus

Quote from TheDucas on March 17, 2023, 10:05 pm

First of all, a small note 🙂 for me, focus = conscious focus, being aware of something in percise and effiecnt manner. It may be that for some it represents a slightly different meaning here or there, but this is the meaning I use when I write the word in the post below.

So as you probably already know, our focus is an important, yet limited resource, when I approach social situations, I find it difficult to concentrate on too many goals, and strategies, and also to be "inside" the situation or even just enjoy it or be "present /involved" when necessary - whether for achievement goals or whether it is to share an emotional connection with a loved one.

Over time, I learned several points in my quest to understand how to make the best use of focus:

1. The more I deal with it, I learn to split the focus in more directions, and if that is the case still to keep it. And despite all that, at my best, I can focus on three separate things at the same time at most before my ability to focus drops dramatically.
2. What is defined as "separate" is dynamic. Zebra, crocodile, and gorilla can be three separate things and can be one thing - wild animals. And yet, as the one thing is more general, there is a tendency to "forget" to include some of the items that I planned to include within the concept. Something that can be fatal during a social situation where goals are "forgotten" along the way because the "unified goal" or "umbrella concept" I focused on was too general.
3. I can learn to include additional items in a certain concept or reduce it and "clean" it of excess items - but it is still a continuous and quite constant learning process and it is easy to fall back to the familiar and old concepts as I remember them - unless I create a new concept. For example - the concept of dominance for me naturally does not have strong links to "kindness", and while it is possible to link a more "kindness" image to this concept, it is a constant effort for me that if I don't pay attention to it for a while will cause the concept to return to its original and natural meaning for me. Instead, I'm more comfortable attaching the word "good" and creating a "new concept" - good dominance. Also, the terms "dominant in practice" represents for me a person who is high in the hierarchy of dominance compared to "dominant in character" which is a person with dominant characteristics in his fundamental personality, which are actually a reduction of the meaning of the concept of dominance for me to two more concise and separate concepts.
4. In a social situation, we all have different goals, different natural weaknesses and strengths, things we are good and bad at in a less or unconscious way. To improve our less conscious weaknesses requires conscious work on them or in a different wording - utilization of the focus. One person is naturally dominant and weaker in developing friendships and emotional connection, and will probably use their focus for that. With me, and with many others - there are many weaknesses to cover and sometimes it is difficult to remember to be both dominant, also sociable, also confident, both calm, and both that and that and that and that. Therefore, an effective cognitive strategy is required to unify many concepts under one umbrella without losing some of them further along the journey without even noticing.
5. And on top of all this, what is correct for one situation is not for another, which makes it difficult to create a "super concept/goal/strategy" that I will focus on during these and other situations that will remain relevant to all of them. The tendency to choose something too general also does not help, since "doing the best" tends to be too "flowing" in many situations and without meaning and results. Without cognitive links from the thought of it to more defined and precise goals and effective social strategies it is difficult to get anywhere.

In conclusion, it seems that the challenge can be reduced to this:
Our focus is flexible and can be improved to a moderate extent, but ultimately limited. That's why we are fascinated and drawn to the idea of ​​All in one strategies and super-terms, which will be effective for at least most situations in our day-to-day lives. Something we can focus on in order to create order in reading the situation and planning the response to it, as well as create a sense of security and certainty.
Likewise, our ability to generalize a tree of concepts/things under one concept/thing without losing at least some of them along the way is also flexible to some extent but ultimately limited.
When there are few things you want to accomplish, it is not difficult to focus. Maybe to be dominant, maybe to give value, maybe to forge friendships, maybe to be seductive, maybe a good father. But when there are many goals to focus on all the time - whether it stems from too many personal weaknesses or the diverse nature of social situations - it is difficult to create one umbrella to hold on to in the face of the variety of situations you face, and then the difficulty remains:
Where should my focus be? Is it possible to produce such an umbrella? And if not, am I doomed to make an endless scattered and exhausting jingle or give up and flow like a purposeless fish with my automatic natural patterns?