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Female dating strategies Reddit

#1 · January 18, 2022, 5:04 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
Hello guys,
here is an interesting reddit about female dating strategies. It allows us to see how women think about male and dating.
Here is the collection of main posts.
Here is an example of a post about LVM (low value male) vs HVM (spoiler alert: high value male is a provider in a committed relationship). Example:
A HVM will pick you up from the bar after you go drinking with your friends. In fact, he'll volunteer immediately when you tell him your plans for Saturday night. He'll want to make sure your friends get home safely. He'll respond if you text him but will mostly encourage you to go have fun. If he's early, he'll let you know that he's waiting but doesn't expect you to stop partying the minute he shows up, or he'll pop in to buy everyone a round, even though he isn't drinking. If you get distracted and leave a bit late, he might be concerned, but he'll be understanding because hey - it happens! He'll want to know if you had fun. He'll make it clear that he was happy to take 30 minutes out of his evening to support you.
It's all about serving her (the "queen"), which to me seems a lot like recommending a "taker" strategy.
Also, it's a lot about her being the judge and him trying to gain her approval, we also see some tasking here:
A HVM will help around the house. He doesn't need you to tell him exactly what to do and when to do it, but he may check with you if you have certain priorities. He recognizes when he's being lazy, apologizes, and tries to do better. If he doesn't know how to do something, he owns it and tries to improve. If you ask him to do something he usually does it; if he forgets and you remind him, he feels regret and gets it done. He may not personally care about getting the housework done a specific way, but if it's important to you then he makes it important to him. You're still probably going to do 60% of the housework (or maybe he's a unicorn and you really are splitting it 50/50) but if you ask him he will immediately acknowledge everything you do. He will try to take on other tasks in order to make the division of labour more fair. He'll suggest and happily pay for a housekeeper, because he knows you are not a maid.

Observation: this reddit is a lot about venting against men (flairs like "male depravity", "sex strategy", etc.). There is quite a lot of frustration and bitterness on this sub.
They have a bunch of lingo (like any group really): like "scrote", "vetting", "pick me" etc.
Basically, the sub is about screening for a high quality man, which I think is smart. However, there is little about self-improvement and more about blaming men. That's not the point, though.
The point is that it gives us an insight into female dating problems. I do find that there is quite an entitlement in this sub. That being said, it's not about judging but understanding.
Statements like: "men do not empathize but only look for solutions" are quite insightful in the differences in the male and female psyches. Most of the remarks from this sub also are directed at (psychologically/emotionnally) immature men or men who did not want to commit.
Also, it's interesting about the competition among women, they have a term "pick me", which is a demeaning term for women who tries to please men (how dare she!). For instance, a girl who would hang out with a group of guys and do activities with them ("one of the boys"). Of course, a woman surrounded by men does evoke some form of jealousy from other women.
So it goes with Lucio's idea that some feminist women will advertise feminist thinking while not engaging in it (lip service). This will allow them to have more success with men. Female dating strategies can be quite cruel but effective. It's true that women are quite practical regarding reproduction/mating intelligence. Now I do understand where terms "#metoo" "ok, boomer" come from, etc. The power of the female group is to ostracize (in<->out vs up<->down) and shaming is the tool. The idea being "high quality women don't try to please men, they try to please themselves". This does not seem very collaborative to me.
Anyway, this is quite insightful. If you browse it, let me know what you think!
Cheers!

Hello guys,

here is an interesting reddit about female dating strategies. It allows us to see how women think about male and dating.

Here is the collection of main posts.

Here is an example of a post about LVM (low value male) vs HVM (spoiler alert: high value male is a provider in a committed relationship). Example:

A HVM will pick you up from the bar after you go drinking with your friends. In fact, he'll volunteer immediately when you tell him your plans for Saturday night. He'll want to make sure your friends get home safely. He'll respond if you text him but will mostly encourage you to go have fun. If he's early, he'll let you know that he's waiting but doesn't expect you to stop partying the minute he shows up, or he'll pop in to buy everyone a round, even though he isn't drinking. If you get distracted and leave a bit late, he might be concerned, but he'll be understanding because hey - it happens! He'll want to know if you had fun. He'll make it clear that he was happy to take 30 minutes out of his evening to support you.

It's all about serving her (the "queen"), which to me seems a lot like recommending a "taker" strategy.

Also, it's a lot about her being the judge and him trying to gain her approval, we also see some tasking here:

A HVM will help around the house. He doesn't need you to tell him exactly what to do and when to do it, but he may check with you if you have certain priorities. He recognizes when he's being lazy, apologizes, and tries to do better. If he doesn't know how to do something, he owns it and tries to improve. If you ask him to do something he usually does it; if he forgets and you remind him, he feels regret and gets it done. He may not personally care about getting the housework done a specific way, but if it's important to you then he makes it important to him. You're still probably going to do 60% of the housework (or maybe he's a unicorn and you really are splitting it 50/50) but if you ask him he will immediately acknowledge everything you do. He will try to take on other tasks in order to make the division of labour more fair. He'll suggest and happily pay for a housekeeper, because he knows you are not a maid.

Observation: this reddit is a lot about venting against men (flairs like "male depravity", "sex strategy", etc.). There is quite a lot of frustration and bitterness on this sub.

They have a bunch of lingo (like any group really): like "scrote", "vetting", "pick me" etc.

Basically, the sub is about screening for a high quality man, which I think is smart. However, there is little about self-improvement and more about blaming men. That's not the point, though.

The point is that it gives us an insight into female dating problems. I do find that there is quite an entitlement in this sub. That being said, it's not about judging but understanding.

Statements like: "men do not empathize but only look for solutions" are quite insightful in the differences in the male and female psyches. Most of the remarks from this sub also are directed at (psychologically/emotionnally) immature men or men who did not want to commit.

Also, it's interesting about the competition among women, they have a term "pick me", which is a demeaning term for women who tries to please men (how dare she!). For instance, a girl who would hang out with a group of guys and do activities with them ("one of the boys"). Of course, a woman surrounded by men does evoke some form of jealousy from other women.

So it goes with Lucio's idea that some feminist women will advertise feminist thinking while not engaging in it (lip service). This will allow them to have more success with men. Female dating strategies can be quite cruel but effective. It's true that women are quite practical regarding reproduction/mating intelligence. Now I do understand where terms "#metoo" "ok, boomer" come from, etc. The power of the female group is to ostracize (in<->out vs up<->down) and shaming is the tool. The idea being "high quality women don't try to please men, they try to please themselves". This does not seem very collaborative to me.

Anyway, this is quite insightful. If you browse it, let me know what you think!

Cheers!

Lucio Buffalmano, Valentin and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#2 · January 18, 2022, 10:12 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 18, 2022, 10:12 am
Great find, John!
Yeah, I know that place, I'm also subbed to it.
It's a mixed bag with some great stuff, and some, catch-all so-so advice.
Takers' Strategies OR Screening For "Good Men"?
Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
It's all about serving her (the "queen"), which to me seems a lot like recommending a "taker" strategy.
Also, it's a lot about her being the judge and him trying to gain her approval, we also see some tasking here:
Yes, great read on it.
They sometimes embrace takers' strategies and approaches but spray-paint it as self-development or "necessary self-defense (against the evil other sex)" to maintain a semblance of morality -both to themselves, and to others-.
But some of those approaches or demands are good and fair.
Men who complain that a woman may seek to turn them more into providers aren't appreciating her (fair) needs and demands.
And that approach is even good for society.
The world needs women who can secure men as proactive fathers far more than women who get knocked up by losers :)- and many men -all good relationships are win-win, even with some of the power negotiation and games that they entail-.
The other side of the coin is also true, though.
Women who complain that men seek women who act more feminine & submissive and who haven't slept with half the city are also missing on men's fair demands and goals.
And women who complain that some men aren't doing all that much work in the house or with the daily flowers haven't understood a thing about high-value men.
Being high-value means NOT doing lower-impact type of work.
What they'd call the "pick-me" type of women do get that instead.
(of course, if he's low-value plus doesn't contribute much, then absolutely discard him if you can find better. Same as men shouldn't date women they don't find attractive and who don't contribute)
Are The Strategies Effective?
In part, yes.
It's a type of "ceiling type of effectiveness" though.
It's effective mostly for beginners who haven't even developed a sense for power dynamics, assertiveness, and fair demands.
But it lacks nuances to go to the next level.
For example, many of those approaches work only with certain types of men but fail with others.
The "queen" approach works, but the queen approach works with lower-value men.
If all she wants is "a" man who commits, rather than "a high-value man", then it's a good strategy.
Otherwise, chuck that.
Some of the top books they recommend are also big mixed bags -many are reviewed here-.
Venting OR Self-Development?
Great point:
Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
Observation: this reddit is a lot about venting against men (flairs like "male depravity", "sex strategy", etc.). There is quite a lot of frustration and bitterness on this sub.
Basically, the sub is about screening for a high quality man, which I think is smart. However, there is little about self-improvement and more about blaming men. That's not the point, though.
Yeah, you said it.
That's the main thing that drowns the good in it and makes it an overall negative place.
I see a lot of parallels with some other movements for men -the red pill is larger and "better" on average, but there is quite a bit of that venting and anger in there as well-.
The men have sluts & plates, they have "scrotes".
That should make for some really good dating between those two camps (not) :).
Overall, both camps are theoretically about self-improvement -and there is that, too-.
But in practice, way too often for my tastes, it ends up being a lot of complaining and bitching.
My approach is more like "this is how men and women are, and this is dating. Make the most out of it, or don't play it if you don't want. But quit bitching".
And since there is plenty of great men and women to do win-win, I think it's better to be in it with a smart collaborator approach, rather than outside of it.
Female POV Insight = Men's Empowerment (= more win-win)
Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
The point is that it gives us an insight into female dating problems. I do find that there is quite an entitlement in this sub. That being said, it's not about judging but understanding.
Statements like: "men do not empathize but only look for solutions" are quite insightful in the differences in the male and female psyches. Most of the remarks from this sub also are directed at (psychologically/emotionnally) immature men or men who did not want to commit.
Yes, great one.
Being able to operate "a bit more like women" scares a lot of men off and makes them feel like "not men enough" while it's an almost surefire way of standing out big time and seducing minds and hearts -several approaches in the lessons on bonding / connecting / swooning in SU are based on this simple notion-.
Of course, the usual caveat: you never go all the way, all the time.
It still comes from a general place of high-power and also, often, smoothly moving to solutions and uplifting phase after the empathizing -going to upload a real-life example soon-.
"Pick-Me Women" Scare The Bunch (Because They Get Men)
Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
Also, it's interesting about the competition among women, they have a term "pick me", which is a demeaning term for women who tries to please men (how dare she!).
For instance, a girl who would hang out with a group of guys and do activities with them ("one of the boys"). Of course, a woman surrounded by men does evoke some form of jealousy from other women.
So it goes with Lucio's idea that some feminist women will advertise feminist thinking while not engaging in it (lip service). This will allow them to have more success with men.
Bingo!
That "pick me" woman is a big threat.
And that also tells you a lot about what are some of the most effective dating strategies for women -or the group wouldn't brand and spend time to derogate on them-.
Who's in this group?
Overall, in my opinion, there is much to learn here.
But we also must keep in mind who is in these groups, and how is waaaay over-represented.
Not doing so would mean we get a distorted view -in the negative-.
Most high-value women aren't writing on forums.
And no high-quality woman is bitter -by definition, and there are plenty of them-.

Great find, John!

Yeah, I know that place, I'm also subbed to it.

It's a mixed bag with some great stuff, and some, catch-all so-so advice.

Takers' Strategies OR Screening For "Good Men"?

Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
It's all about serving her (the "queen"), which to me seems a lot like recommending a "taker" strategy.
Also, it's a lot about her being the judge and him trying to gain her approval, we also see some tasking here:

Yes, great read on it.

They sometimes embrace takers' strategies and approaches but spray-paint it as self-development or "necessary self-defense (against the evil other sex)" to maintain a semblance of morality -both to themselves, and to others-.

But some of those approaches or demands are good and fair.

Men who complain that a woman may seek to turn them more into providers aren't appreciating her (fair) needs and demands.

And that approach is even good for society.

The world needs women who can secure men as proactive fathers far more than women who get knocked up by losers :)- and many men -all good relationships are win-win, even with some of the power negotiation and games that they entail-.

The other side of the coin is also true, though.

Women who complain that men seek women who act more feminine & submissive and who haven't slept with half the city are also missing on men's fair demands and goals.

And women who complain that some men aren't doing all that much work in the house or with the daily flowers haven't understood a thing about high-value men.
Being high-value means NOT doing lower-impact type of work.
What they'd call the "pick-me" type of women do get that instead.

(of course, if he's low-value plus doesn't contribute much, then absolutely discard him if you can find better. Same as men shouldn't date women they don't find attractive and who don't contribute)

Are The Strategies Effective?

In part, yes.

It's a type of "ceiling type of effectiveness" though.

It's effective mostly for beginners who haven't even developed a sense for power dynamics, assertiveness, and fair demands.

But it lacks nuances to go to the next level.

For example, many of those approaches work only with certain types of men but fail with others.
The "queen" approach works, but the queen approach works with lower-value men.

If all she wants is "a" man who commits, rather than "a high-value man", then it's a good strategy.

Otherwise, chuck that.

Some of the top books they recommend are also big mixed bags -many are reviewed here-.

Venting OR Self-Development?

Great point:

Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
Observation: this reddit is a lot about venting against men (flairs like "male depravity", "sex strategy", etc.). There is quite a lot of frustration and bitterness on this sub.
Basically, the sub is about screening for a high quality man, which I think is smart. However, there is little about self-improvement and more about blaming men. That's not the point, though.

Yeah, you said it.

That's the main thing that drowns the good in it and makes it an overall negative place.

I see a lot of parallels with some other movements for men -the red pill is larger and "better" on average, but there is quite a bit of that venting and anger in there as well-.

The men have sluts & plates, they have "scrotes".
That should make for some really good dating between those two camps (not) :).

Overall, both camps are theoretically about self-improvement -and there is that, too-.
But in practice, way too often for my tastes, it ends up being a lot of complaining and bitching.

My approach is more like "this is how men and women are, and this is dating. Make the most out of it, or don't play it if you don't want. But quit bitching".

And since there is plenty of great men and women to do win-win, I think it's better to be in it with a smart collaborator approach, rather than outside of it.

Female POV Insight = Men's Empowerment (= more win-win)

Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
The point is that it gives us an insight into female dating problems. I do find that there is quite an entitlement in this sub. That being said, it's not about judging but understanding.
Statements like: "men do not empathize but only look for solutions" are quite insightful in the differences in the male and female psyches. Most of the remarks from this sub also are directed at (psychologically/emotionnally) immature men or men who did not want to commit.

Yes, great one.

Being able to operate "a bit more like women" scares a lot of men off and makes them feel like "not men enough" while it's an almost surefire way of standing out big time and seducing minds and hearts -several approaches in the lessons on bonding / connecting / swooning in SU are based on this simple notion-.

Of course, the usual caveat: you never go all the way, all the time.
It still comes from a general place of high-power and also, often, smoothly moving to solutions and uplifting phase after the empathizing -going to upload a real-life example soon-.

"Pick-Me Women" Scare The Bunch (Because They Get Men)

Quote from John Freeman on January 18, 2022, 5:04 am
Also, it's interesting about the competition among women, they have a term "pick me", which is a demeaning term for women who tries to please men (how dare she!).
For instance, a girl who would hang out with a group of guys and do activities with them ("one of the boys"). Of course, a woman surrounded by men does evoke some form of jealousy from other women.
So it goes with Lucio's idea that some feminist women will advertise feminist thinking while not engaging in it (lip service). This will allow them to have more success with men.

Bingo!

That "pick me" woman is a big threat.

And that also tells you a lot about what are some of the most effective dating strategies for women -or the group wouldn't brand and spend time to derogate on them-.

Who's in this group?

Overall, in my opinion, there is much to learn here.

But we also must keep in mind who is in these groups, and how is waaaay over-represented.

Not doing so would mean we get a distorted view -in the negative-.

Most high-value women aren't writing on forums.
And no high-quality woman is bitter -by definition, and there are plenty of them-.

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#3 · January 18, 2022, 10:15 am

Wow, that came out long :).

But it's an important topic for TPM -and dating/social/life strategies in general-, so I wanted to provide a deeper overview.

And good that we have the chance to discuss it, thank you for bringing this up.

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#4 · January 18, 2022, 8:14 pm

So it goes with Lucio's idea that some feminist women will advertise feminist thinking while not engaging in it (lip service). This will allow them to have more success with men. Female dating strategies can be quite cruel but effective. It's true that women are quite practical regarding reproduction/mating intelligence. Now I do understand where terms "#metoo" "ok, boomer" come from, etc.

Really interesting... there's a lot of diversity of thinking and attitude within the feminist movement of course... I work with feminists a lot in the course of my work, and have dated a few... I may be wrong, but I rather suspect the serious feminists who are actually doing real research and making policy proposals probably aren't hanging around in redditt bitching!

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#5 · February 24, 2022, 11:41 am

The hilarious thing is several studies have shown that a lack of polarity basically decreases female attraction. And no study in academia would dare look at this but I guarantee you LL also get disrespect. And eventually she will kick out the HVM. So less sex, disrespect and a doomed relationship. Where do I sign up 🤣

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#6 · February 24, 2022, 8:31 pm

BTW I do help out with the inside housework. I just do it when my partner is asleep or out. No shortage of work in a house. I do the fixing and yard work when she s around. Does this help - who knows but 6 years in we re happy. There is other statistical research on divorce I guess because it's easier to get the stats that shows the seven year itch is real for women. So early days we ll see

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#7 · February 27, 2022, 11:56 pm

Quote from Transitioned on February 24, 2022, 8:31 pm
BTW I do help out with the inside housework. I just do it when my partner is asleep or out. No shortage of work in a house. I do the fixing and yard work when she s around. Does this help - who knows but 6 years in we re happy. There is other statistical research on divorce I guess because it's easier to get the stats that shows the seven year itch is real for women. So early days we ll see

Great point and absolutely.

Plenty of ways of staying high-power / polarized / leading and still help and contribute.

No need to put the apron on (unless one really enjoys cooking of course :) )

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#8 · December 10, 2023, 3:50 pm

I don't see FDS as highly representative of women.

Only a portion of women.
And, frankly speaking, probably not the highest quality ones.

I see that movement as largely, negative, a worse version of the male red pill -last time I checked they called men "scrotes", enough said for me not to give much attention-.

Edit:
I searched for "female dating strategies" and replied to the wrong one instead of the latest (seemingly, there's 2 of them).
But the content of the message is the same anyway.

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#9 · December 10, 2023, 6:22 pm

100%!

PS: my mistake for the double thread, apologies.

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