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Friend "Switched-Up" On Me Over a Girl. Plan To Salvage It

Backstory

I'm in Ghana. I matched a girl on tinder a few days ago and asked a friend to text her for me as I was told he's good at chatting with women, he also has a lot of women despite him being very short, about 5'4", and is neither rich nor famous, so seems to be exceptionally dating. However, from my observations, he seems to over-invest, and chase early on which I wouldn't have expected to work based on what I've learned from SU's Straight Line Seduction. As a result, I felt it would be particularly interesting to analyze his strategy with the 5 levers of power.

The initial plan was for him to say what to text and I send it to her, however, he asked me to send her number so it would be more seamless, which I did. Since I'd initially texted her with my number and he subsequently texted her, he called me and told me she was questioning why "I" had different numbers and he told me he'll tell her he has different numbers.

The issue

Two days go by, and I ask him what the status is with the girl and ask to see the texts so I can analyze said progress. However, using laughter and doublespeak, he avoids answering me directly and doesn't give me the phone to show me the texts, I say nothing of it.

A day later, I once again asked about the progress with the girl through which he attempts to use laughter and doublespeak to once again avoid answering, however, I was insistent, and he then informs me

  • He said he told the girl that "I" was his younger brother, despite her matching with me as his name appears on WhatsApp
  • He also reveals to me that he'd gotten the number of her sister and tried to get the number of her mother but she refused.
  • I find out that he's frequently communicated with her through phone calls
  • He shows me his phone which contains no text exchange between them and he told me deletes those.

I'm disappointed by his actions because based on the indicators he seems to be trying to keep the girl for himself which I wouldn't have expected he'll do to me (I have a lot to learn about reading people). What interests me here is, that I wouldn't have expected the conversation to proceed following his revelation that she wasn't talking to the guy she'd matched, however, it did. I was going to bin our friendship and move on, however, I saw an opportunity to make a hail mary move to salvage the interaction with the girl admittedly to spite him and test the strategies and techniques I've learned with a difficult situation.

My plan

  • Call her as I have her number since I got it from Tinder, I was unsure whether to video call or regular call.
  • From my initial exchanges with her on tinder, she noted her day was "boring asf" on different occasions. I intend to lead into that and suggest she comes out with me to go bowling or get ice cream during the daytime (I almost exclusively go on night dates), offering to pick her up and drop her off. The thought behind this is to make a very enticing offer for her that she should see as a win.
  • During the date, I intend to shift the balance of power back on my side via minimizing investment and screening, yet maintaining the man-woman vibe via body language and other nonverbals.

I'd like to know if you guys have any thoughts or suggestions about this situation.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Hello, shockysho.

I would just drop this one and move on. Delete her, pretend this never happened in the first place, and match another girl.

By outsourcing the communication to someone else pretending to be you, you went very far into creepy territory (from her point of view). And he told big lies to her that will be very difficult to recover from.

If you really want to do a hail mary, then be brutally honest: explain to her that you weren't feeling confident enough to speak to her and didn't want to mess up because you liked her profile a lot, so you asked a friend who is more experienced to help. And undo all the lies. I really don't know how this is gonna help you. It's 1 chance in 100,000,000,000,000,000 of success and I think you'll creep her out even more. I'd prefer to spare her of this.

I believe this is more of a question of fundamentals: you are overinvesting in a girl that you don't even know, and glaringly lacking confidence.

The good news is that you are in SU and are learning to be THE MAN every woman dreams of. I myself was very afraid of talking to women in the past - actually just the thought of interacting with another human being scared me to death. I started pretty low in terms of confidence, so if you have friends, then you are light years in front of me when I started out.

leaderoffun and shockysho have reacted to this post.
leaderoffunshockysho

Oh wow man, what a "friend" :S.

Come to think of it, this may be an unintended great way to test male friends.
And, in this case, you got your results: he may be good for an acquaintance, but never for a close one -as you interact with him, deep down you may think of him as a POS, but you may still be "cordial on the surface, but at a distance", which is often better for you-.

I agree with Kavalier that passing her number to someone else wasn't going to look too good on you either way -if your idea was to learn from the friend though, then props to you: it's a good attitude to not care to "burn a lead", as long as you can learn from it-.
But I do would try to "win her back" -not because it's necessarily a worthy goal, but just because, why not, it's a learning experience-.

On the how, know the vibe and your environment better than I do.
However, I would generally advise guys to avoid telling women that they'll pick her up by car on a first date as that can raise red flags unless you had previous interactions and they feel safe enough with you. I am aware though that in some places women are less risk averse and, albeti i don't wanna generalize, in my experience black women tend to be less risk averse on average.

Just to add some elements that can reassure her though:

  • Tell her where you will go
  • After you agree, tell her you can pick her by car

The "where" gives her a destination, that helps put her at ease since the woman's first ancestral fear might be "where is gonna take me/is it safe".
And when you propose it after, it feels more like a logistical detail, and the focus is on the activity, rather than on the car ride.

One last note here:

Quote from shockysho on August 12, 2022, 3:25 am

However, from my observations, he seems to over-invest, and chase early on which I wouldn't have expected to work based on what I've learned from SU's Straight Line Seduction. As a result, I felt it would be particularly interesting to analyze his strategy with the 5 levers of power.

Great observation.

Consider that's the "standard model".
It takes care of the majority of mistakes most guys commit, and it's one of the "safest" and most effective ways of approaching dating.

However, exceptions always apply.

As a matter of fact, while the model is a huge step forward for anyone who wasn't aware of power dynamics, the more advanced guys than can gain the liberty to break this or that rule -or even several- and do their own thing -to make a parallel: just think for example of Johnny Depp who sometimes looks constantly down in interviews: while the standard advice is "look at people in the eyes", Depp is so good at everything else, that looking down works great for him-.

So as you advance in the modules, you'll see that many of the most popular seducers and "heart-stealer" do break the model and may invest a lot, throw money around, profess love, move fast from first meeting to first sex to seeing her again, to wanting to be in a relationship, etc. etc.

shockysho has reacted to this post.
shockysho
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for the response Lucio,

this may be an unintended great way to test male friends.

This is the same thought that raced through my mind as I ruminated over what had transpired

However, I would generally advise guys to avoid telling women that they'll pick her up by car on a first date as that can raise red flags unless you had previous interactions and they feel safe enough with you

This as well, I almost immediately regretted not offering to pay for an Uber instead.

I contacted the girl directly as I'd outlined in my previous message and fortunately it was successful and resulted in us meeting up and having a great time. It didn't result in a first-night lay/ONS as I have other prior commitments this night as of writing, nor was that my objective, however, I strongly believe if I wanted to, I could have, I also scheduled a second date during our date. I feel at ease now and no longer mentally tormented by the situation.

>Tried uploading a screenshot of her whatsapp message to me stating how much fun she had, with a depth of response much greater than my prior interactions with her but couldn't seem to get it to work<

I understand in this situation I overinvested as I typically have women pay for some portion of our experience, either some part of her transportation or activity we perform, however, in this situation I wanted to go all out, willing to lower my status as I was confident in my ability to regain it once I'd met her in person.

Lucio Buffalmano, Kavalier and leaderoffun have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoKavalierleaderoffun

Great going, shockysho!

Both in the end result, and probably most importantly mentally in already moving on from this.

Quote from shockysho on August 13, 2022, 12:46 am

I understand in this situation I overinvested as I typically have women pay for some portion of our experience, either some part of her transportation or activity we perform, however, in this situation I wanted to go all out, willing to lower my status as I was confident in my ability to regain it once I'd met her in person.

Yep, I think it's a very good approach.

Once you're a cool guy who can re-gain power in the longer run, lowering your power early (with investing, chasing, contacting first, etc.) on is often an effective solution if it helps you meet more women, even if that comes at some initial cost.

P.S.:
You can check and experiment here for adding pictures.

Kavalier and leaderoffun have reacted to this post.
Kavalierleaderoffun
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Respect!! Not only you turned around a situation that seemed very difficult, you also got important intel on a "friend". I said it was a matter of "glaringly lacking confidence", but it's obvious now that this is not the case. Thanks for sharing, Shockysho. And thanks, Lucio, for the advice on not letting learning opportunities to slip by!

leaderoffun has reacted to this post.
leaderoffun

Congrats, I agree with Kavalier and Lucio that this was a different situation and you managed to turn it around.

Since it seems like confidence was the problem that made you outsource the texting, while you get better at it I can recommend this book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9245232-the-confidence-gap

Texting is an art and it will take a while to get good at it. I understand you don't want to play trial and error till you learn it because you want results now (hence the outsourcing). The good news is that it's a skill like any other and you can improve it, and I'm sure you will be faster than most since you got SU.

Kavalier has reacted to this post.
Kavalier
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