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Handling Pre-Emptive Keep-Me-Waiting Power Move

Moving the discussion here from Ali's journal.

I wanted to give more context.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 23, 2021, 6:32 am from What I'm Doing Maybe Where Why #95
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 22, 2021, 7:50 pm from What I'm Doing Maybe Where Why #94

I'm trying something out to mitigate this "keep people waiting" power moves.
If I get the feeling that someone will be late for a virtual appointment, I will schedule a call so I don't have to wait in a video conference link.
Then I will continue doing what I'm doing while waiting for the call.
At the 10-minute mark, I will drop a message and say

I have to go.
Let's reschedule.

Or I may decide to just not pick up the phone call.

Someone recently tried a pre-emptive keep-me-waiting move on me yesterday.

Him: Something has come up 1h before our call tomorrow.
I should be able to make the call, just letting you know that I might be late. (whatever I have is more important than our call)

Me: Thanks (at least you told me in advance), I prefer to put our call to another time then. (I don't want to wait)
It will be easier for both of us. (Hints that you don't have to rush, I don't have to wait; Good for both of us)

Him: Nice, next week perhaps (the nice feels a bit judgemental and condesecnding)

This is your journal.
So feel free to let me know if you don't want me to share too much here.

@Matthew

Very nice system there.

In the specific example, you might have also said "let's put our call... (and potentially propose new time)". "

I prefer" is more like an exchange of equals, pooling opinions together finding for a common ground. "Let's" is more leader-like, taking charge towards the (common) goals.

I forgot to include more context of the call with this person.

He reached out to me out of the blue and wanted to have a call.
He seemed to display some value-taking moves in the messages already.
Like for example,

Him: What are you up to these days?

Me: I am exploring this opportunity in this industry (generalised & shortened for brevity)
How are you doing in the city?

Him: Have you spoken to my friends from this comapny?
They built a similar platform.
(ignores my question, didn't share, tries to seem knowledgable about my field)

Me: I haven't. That's cool, What have you been up to?

Him: Oh, too much.
Living the life.
Let's have a chat some time!

Me: Cool talk soon

The ending is my polite signal for not wanting to talk.
I learnt this from Lucio's video when Carrie meets her ex in sex in the city.
They agree to catch up soon as a polite way to end the conversation.
But they aren't going to actually meet up or talk further.

He pushes ahead with the logistics of the call.
So I thought

Okay, maybe he has something interesting to talk about since he's an old acquaintance.
I will talk for 5 minutes and see if I want to talk further.

But then he pulled the wait-for-me power move, and I didn't really want to talk any more.

Him: Something has come up 1h before our call tomorrow.
I should be able to make the call, just letting you know that I might be late. (whatever I have is more important than our call)

Me: Thanks (at least you told me in advance), I prefer to put our call to another time then. (I don't want to wait)
It will be easier for both of us. (Hints that you don't have to rush, I don't have to wait; Good for both of us)

Him: Nice, next week perhaps (the nice feels a bit judgemental and condesecnding)

This is why I use the phrase

I prefer to put our call to another time then.

And then no further arrangement in the logistics.
I wanted to communicate

You wanted to speak.
Now you say you're busy.
I'm not in a rush to have this call.

But maybe as Lucio advised, I should be more assertive and direct.
Whether it's forging ahead with the logistics of the call.
Or hinting to him that I don't really like the games.

I'm not really in a rush to have this call.
As such, we can cancel if you have other priorities.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano
Got it I mistakenly thought it was your business partner.
Then it seems did it very well.
Also worked without "next week", just "no problem, next time, cheers".
Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

He typed the "next week".

I need to learn how to use these short replies like "no problem", "next time", "cheers".
I tend to be more on the verbose side.
I believe this works very well with people you don't want to invest too much in.

OFF-TOPIC

Yeah, I can see why!
I talk too much about that.

I decided to drop that project for now.
I was quite adamant about making the project work despite the people.
It could be another case of the sunken cost fallacy.
But not very sure as sometimes it's good to forge on and figure things out in less-than-ideal situations.

OFF-TOPIC

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Yeah, right, he said "next week", sorry for the mix up (and for a horribly tped post 🙂 ).

The rest of the post stands: it seems like you handled it well.

And yes, he was playing some annoying power moves. The "perhaps", as if holding to as much power as he can, as if he wanted to leave you hanging.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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