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Hi, I am Emily. I bought power university a few months ago when I hit an all-time low with being laid-off and not going anywhere career-wise. Career has always been a pain point of mine as I see how others seemingly coast through it while I struggle/sink or swim. Obviously there might be a surface bias (other people don't expose their difficulties/challenges when they are not close enough), yet still, I feel that there was something missing that I didn't get, while others did, and they benefited from it.

I am slowly going through PU and I am seeing more and more power moves around me. For example, a couple days ago I was attending a party and a friend showed up where he patted the back of mine and a few others (dominant move). It took me a while to realize what he was doing but I thought about what I could do to balance the power next time - grabbing his arm, cupping his hand etc. I started cultivating the awareness and practicing being OK with social tension/silence/conflicts, encouraging myself to act upon things (was being pretty passive almost my whole life), and reflecting/summarizing after the encounter. Subconsciously I have always been power aware since when somebody dominated me I would instinctively feel hurt/ignored or otherwise general discomfort. But now it is so much better to be able to see things clearly, it's like seeing color hues when you've been color-blind your whole life.

Now I practice power awareness and balancing power everywhere - at home (with partner), gym (I go to an old-fashioned gym where there are a lot of built/muscular guys when I am a small woman), social life (friends, family members, acquaintances, associates), and career (in the middle of a break when I expect to learn more skills in PU in the next few months).

Anyway, glad to be here and thanks to Lucio for providing this great content, and managing the forum. I would love to learn from you all. I already saw some posts that are relevant to my own experience and will start responding there.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 5 other users have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoAli ScarlettJohn FreemanAnonKavalierMaya88Bel

Welcome here Emily!

Quote from Rwy on June 22, 2022, 9:38 pm

Subconsciously I have always been power aware since when somebody dominated me I would instinctively feel hurt/ignored or otherwise general discomfort. But now it is so much better to be able to see things clearly, it's like seeing color hues when you've been color-blind your whole life.

Now I practice power awareness and balancing power everywhere - at home (with partner), gym (I go to an old-fashioned gym where there are a lot of built/muscular guys when I am a small woman), social life (friends, family members, acquaintances, associates), and career (in the middle of a break when I expect to learn more skills in PU in the next few months).

Yeah, it sounds like you had the "feel" already, so your progress can be faster because it's more like a string of "aha, that makes sense", rather than having to learn it all from zero.

And super awesome that you're practicing it, curious to read some of your experiences!

Emily has reacted to this post.
Emily
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Hi, Emily

Nice to meet you! I think it is very interesting to ready about your experiences on power moves and how you tackle them. I too am at the point where I can recognise power moves (which is quite cool already), but are working on how to respond. It was nice to read your post, and to know that I am not alone, also as a female in here :D, and that we can learn from each other.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and Emily have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoAli ScarlettEmily
Quote from Maya88 on June 24, 2022, 5:04 pm

Hi, Emily

Nice to meet you! I think it is very interesting to ready about your experiences on power moves and how you tackle them. I too am at the point where I can recognise power moves (which is quite cool already), but are working on how to respond. It was nice to read your post, and to know that I am not alone, also as a female in here 😀, and that we can learn from each other.

Absolutely not alone :), it's actually a close split:

Probably will get even closer to 50/50 as TPM releases more articles for women.

It's just that guys tend to write more on the forum side 🙂

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Ali ScarlettMMCMaya88
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Ah!🤩 I did not know! That is very cool 🙌👫🏻

Nice to meet you, Emily! Noticing the power moves for me has always been the hardest part, and you are a natural at it! It looks like you are already doing pretty good.

Quote from Rwy on June 22, 2022, 9:38 pm

I already saw some posts that are relevant to my own experience and will start responding there.

It will be a pleasure to get to know your perpectives about everything.

Be very welcome!

 

Lucio Buffalmano and Emily have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoEmily

Thank you for your welcomes, Lucio, Maya and Kavalier.

 

Quote from Maya88 on June 24, 2022, 5:04 pm

Hi, Emily

Nice to meet you! I think it is very interesting to ready about your experiences on power moves and how you tackle them. I too am at the point where I can recognise power moves (which is quite cool already), but are working on how to respond. It was nice to read your post, and to know that I am not alone, also as a female in here :D, and that we can learn from each other.

Great to know you as a fellow woman TPMer!

I have some thoughts about woman leadership as I haven't seen many successful examples in my own career trajectory. But generally great leadership is far and few between, and women have some unique challenges.

 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 25, 2022, 6:11 am
Quote from Maya88 on June 24, 2022, 5:04 pm

Hi, Emily

Nice to meet you! I think it is very interesting to ready about your experiences on power moves and how you tackle them. I too am at the point where I can recognise power moves (which is quite cool already), but are working on how to respond. It was nice to read your post, and to know that I am not alone, also as a female in here 😀, and that we can learn from each other.

Absolutely not alone :), it's actually a close split:

Probably will get even closer to 50/50 as TPM releases more articles for women.

It's just that guys tend to write more on the forum side 🙂

Yes, this makes me feel even more that we need to have more women-focused discussions, to foster collaboration between sexes (and anyone on the spectrum) and better leadership overall.

 

Quote from Kavalier on June 27, 2022, 6:55 pm

Nice to meet you, Emily! Noticing the power moves for me has always been the hardest part, and you are a natural at it! It looks like you are already doing pretty good.

Quote from Rwy on June 22, 2022, 9:38 pm

I already saw some posts that are relevant to my own experience and will start responding there.

It will be a pleasure to get to know your perpectives about everything.

Be very welcome!

 

Thank you Kavalier. I would say it's a blessing and also a curse when you do have the awareness but not the adequate skills to tackle it yet (as you can be in shock but don't know how to fight back fairly). Glad that we will all be covered by the taking the PU course!

Lucio Buffalmano and Kavalier have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoKavalier

Welcome Emily!

Much success to come as you post your experiences and get feed-back while going through PU.

I think it's the best way to learn this stuff.

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Lucio BuffalmanoEmily
Quote from Emily on June 29, 2022, 2:14 am

I have some thoughts about woman leadership as I haven't seen many successful examples in my own career trajectory. But generally great leadership is far and few between, and women have some unique challenges.

Yes, I believe that is true too, Emily. One book that I have read that gave me new perspectives on the subject, is "What works for women at work" by Rachel Dempsey. The book goes through four main challenges women face in the workplace which gave me some eyeopeners - even on my own expectations towards other women and men at work. These ideas and aha-experiences has stuck with me ever since. I highly recommend the book.

Emily has reacted to this post.
Emily
Quote from Maya88 on July 7, 2022, 11:00 pm
Quote from Emily on June 29, 2022, 2:14 am

I have some thoughts about woman leadership as I haven't seen many successful examples in my own career trajectory. But generally great leadership is far and few between, and women have some unique challenges.

Yes, I believe that is true too, Emily. One book that I have read that gave me new perspectives on the subject, is "What works for women at work" by Rachel Dempsey. The book goes through four main challenges women face in the workplace which gave me some eyeopeners - even on my own expectations towards other women and men at work. These ideas and aha-experiences has stuck with me ever since. I highly recommend the book.

Re: woman leadership. I happen to know a few successful female leaders. However, they took the male-approach of establishing power and leadership. Often their dresses and their style of speech imitate the male counterpart. For one example, in the email platform or the corporative-internal messaging platform, people would address her as "Mr. XYZ" if they don't know her in person. They thought she was a man judging by her language styles and neutral firstname. She never correct them. They are often shocked when they finally find out she's actually a woman with an ideal feminine body-shape and a young pretty face.

I had a honest conversation with her and she said it was not her intention. She think woman should have a unique leadership-style but she does not know how. Her heart wants to be feminine (or even submit to and affiliate with a man in the very private life), but people would negatively judge a good-looking feminine leader as a "courtesan" relying on the men and the nepotism to climb-up.

She kind of had no choice so she took the man-like leadership style.

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Emily
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