Power University content updates & discussions: what's new
New covert power move:
18. "Thank You For Your Understanding"
The frame is that you are indeed going to "understand them".
And, implied, forgive them for whatever they've done.
They rob you of your power to not understanding.
And disempower you at different levels:
- Social exchange manipulation: if their mistake costs you, they have a debt with you. But the frame that "you understand", erases their debt (debt erasing) and denies you any credit with them
- Denial of financial settlement: if you accept the covert frame, they rob you of your choice of asking for a refund, or for some money back
- Robs you of your right to express feelings: what if you're angry, disappointed, or sad for what happened? The frame that you're going to forgive them robs you of your healthy, assertive expressions or your valid feelings
- Robs you of your judge power: what if it's a pattern of issues, and you feel they're not behaving good enough for you? By implying that you "understand", they preclude your right to judge them
Comments, Yes Please (My Bad)
P.S.:
If you have any comments or feedback on the updates, please share.
As well if you want to propose new content, changes, or new examples, please share.
I realized that I made a mistake before.
I wanted to use this thread for PU alumni to stay updated on new changes (and didn't communicate that properly).
But it makes little sense to post on a forum and then ask/expect people to "stay (strictly) on topic".
A forum is for exchanging ideas.
And that's the best way to improve PU as well.
For more "formal", no-comments updates, there is "Power University change log".
Thanks to Matthew for making me realize that.
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New focus lesson:
The power dynamics against tasking deserve their own place.
So I pulled out a few shorter threads from the lesson on dominance signs (the host role, for example when people "invite" you to sit or go first) and created a spin-off.
It's a first draft, so more fleshing out and examples to come.
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The "Thank you for understanding" is very interesting.
I've had this power move pulled on me MANY times, especially women cancelling dates and or telling me why they can't move forward with me in general.
Here's the problem I've always had with it (and still have even after your insightful post):
Once the other person has said "thank you for understanding" to you, as far as I can tell, it's already far too late.
When you hear this phrase you, have already "lost." They have already "won."
I can't think of any way of turning around the interaction at this point. I hope someone can prove me wrong and show me that there is in fact a way to turn around the interaction AFTER you hear the phrase "thank you for understanding."
Here's another separate issue that has made this a real sticking point for me:
Usually when I'm "understanding" it's because I feel that I have no real choice.
For example, let's say that I have a date with a woman in a few hours. She calls or texts to give some excuse about why she can't make it. Let's say it's an "innocent" or "bulletproof" excuse like, "My 95 year old grandmother is in the hospital. She's dying. I have to go say goodbye to her this evening. That's why I can't meet you."
How can I possibly not be "understanding" of this, EVEN IF I suspect she is lying and blowing me off to have sex with another man at the very moment she's supposed to be on the date with me.
Most of the time that I get the "thank you for understanding," I feel I've been played but it's never been clear to me that NOT "understanding" is a viable option.
Input please.
Thank you for the input, SS.
I'll come back to this to discuss strategies.
And, as always: happy to read what others have to share about this one.
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New quiz on covert power moves.
Question is:
- Is this a covert power move?
P.S.:
I didn't blur the name it was a fake name to begin with.
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New structure, and content layout for the frame techniques:
Now the techniques are grouped by categories.
It's much more logical, which makes it easier to both browse, learn, and most of all, internalize.
And the lessons are briefer, which in my opinion is also an advantage and makes it easier to go through them in one session (especially when previously it was 2 giants of 8.000 words or so).
Added a few examples and sub-categories as well.
Tomorrow adding yet some new techniques and examples.
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Some new things:
- Machiavellian strategies: first draft, much to go, but already a groundbreaking lesson I think
- Foundational laws of power: wholly revamped
Plus one thing I'm doing is to add a dialogue transcript for every video.
I think that helps comprehension a lot.
Plus if someone wants to skip a video for whatever reason, he can just read the dialogue and move on.
P.S.:
Any feedback, if any, most welcome.
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Thanks so much Lucio for your commitment to evolving TPM. That lesson on tasking will be a life changer for me. I've always been a smart guy who loves doing and has a broad range of skills. Unfortunately taskers love people like that and take advantage.
Thank you, Kevin!
Yeah, the more things you can and are willing to do, the more opportunity for them.
The worst are the ones tasking you of things you were going to do anyway or that are part of your normal activities.
I had a colleague like that. Some of the examples are molded after her and our interactions.
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I m enjoying a proxy battle or two through my teacher girlfriend with taskers. Her workplace is full of them.
Example the student learning manager after my girlfriend failed the student in an assessment she wanted to pull my girlfriend into a meeting with the student who dcsaid she was having a panic attack and other excuses.
Firstly not my girlfriend's job the student manager is meant to deal with that.
Secondly my girlfriend had already provided written feedback so why should she be pulled in front of the student like she's off to the headmasters office.
So we replied back to the learning manager and copied the lead teacher for the unit.
"That s wonderful of you guys to offer Jane support with her well being issues.
If you have any questions on my feedback before your meeting let me know"
Of course nobody met with the student. Taskers don't like to do work
2 reframes in 2 lines. PU for the win!
Haha I m only good on emails. But before I studied here I didn't even have that.