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Why are narcissists/value-takers so draining?

Hello guys,

this week, I worked again with my social climber narcissist supervisor F. And I'm drained of all energy. I noticed it the most yesterday. I was exhausted at around 2-3pm and I did not do more work than usual.

There is the woo-woo explanation of energy vampires and it's all good: we do feel differently around other persons (vibe/energy). When some people enter a room, even without having seen them we can feel them. We feel great around certain people and not so much around others. Without talking or anything else, just the feeling.

What is your own personal explanation?

Rational or Irrational, does not matter to me. There are many things we don't have an explanation yet.

My rational explanation is that we cannot be ourselves around these people and we have to keep our defenses up. Even though we're not aware of these mental processes, they do consume energy. So we constantly have to adjust to the lying, manipulation and defending our boundaries and it is mentally taxing.

My irrational explanation is that just being around them is draining. I used in the past a technique given by my mother to turn away my body with these people: It  did work. So that would be about the electromagnetic biofield around us (all living organism have it) having such and such properties.

Interesting, John.

I agree with both of the "rational" explanations you share, so we get:
Plus:

  • We cannot be ourselves: being "someone else" takes energy
  • Defenses up: true, having your defenses up is a constant, background task that drains energy
  • Negative emotional anchoring: when value takers have harmed us in the past, that can leave a sort of an "emotional anchor", so whenever we're in their presence, the memory gets activated again, and it's like re-living it again

I'm not sure about the irrational one, but it's very interesting.
Maybe turning away one's body also reflects on the rational ones, since once something is "out of sight", then subconsciously the defenses also go down.

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John Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

What do you guys think of the term: Energy exchange (A bit deeper then social exchange theory)? As we have energy exchanges in our day to day social interaction. Like value giving individual have uplifting energy or like not reacting to an energy vampire can save a lot of energy 🙂

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John Freeman