Getting out of a toxic relationship with someone you love can be difficult.
First of all, understand that “someone you love” and “toxic relationship” is an oxymoron. Just because you have feelings for someone it doesn’t mean they are justified.
Most likely it’s not love anyway but your attachment system gone awry.
That’s fine. But from now on, you will only accept love from someone who’s able to provide a healthy relationship.
And now let’s start getting you out of this toxic relationship you’re in:
- 1. Plan ahead of time
- 2. Keep a journal
- 2. Prepare your support network
- 3. Stop sharing life events
- 4. Do exciting things with new people
- 5. Lie to him
- 6. Give less, be more egoistic
- 7. Start an affair
- 8. If sex is great, get a vibrator
- 9. If you’re on the pill, quit it
- 10. Get emotionally close to someone else
- Should You End a Toxic Relationship?
1. Plan ahead of time
Don’t get out of a toxic relationship on a moment’s notice. The attachment will be too strong and you’ll suffer more. And the risk of getting back will be too strong.
Start thinking that you will break up instead, and planning your move in advance. The more you think about the breakup, the more the relationship will die.
And then you’ll end your toxic relationship in a breeze.
2. Keep a journal
Keep a journal, but mostly focus on the negatives of the toxic relationship.
A journal with a bias on defects and issues will do two good things:
- will focus your mind on the negatives and
- it will build a wall between the two of you.
The journal is your secret to keep away from your partner. And the more secrets you have, the less connected the two of you are. Use the journal afterwards as well to remind yourself why, indeed, it was a bad relationship.
2. Prepare your support network
Build a network of friends and family that will be there for you once you end your toxic relationship. Don’t underestimate this step: it’s important to have someone to confide with and someone to take your mind off.
This is one of the reasons women are more socially successful than men: they are better at building support networks.
3. Stop sharing life events
Stop confiding with him, stop sharing stories about your day, stop telling your feelings. It’s a sense of bonding, of our partner knowing us more than anyone else that keeps us together.
The less information you feed your toxic relationship, the easier it will be to detach yourself.
4. Do exciting things with new people
What is it that often breaks people apart? It’s moving on with our lives while our partners don’t change with us.
Start doing just that! Go skydiving, start Toastmasters, hit the gym or an oratory club. Whatever it is that you might like and your partner won’t do.
The more you move ahead without your partner, the more you will get out of your toxic relationship.. Naturally.
And if it involves adrenaline, all the better: it’ll make you feel alive without your partner.
5. Lie to him
Good relationships are build on honesty.
To easily get out of a toxic relationship, start building a wall of lies between you and him. Your brain will also think that you must really dislike him if he’s not worth it of the truth.
6. Give less, be more egoistic
The more we give, the more we feel like someone must be worthy to us. Do the opposite then, give as little as possible and your brain will back rationalize that he must not be that worthy after all.
Note: just don’t it too suddenly or both him and your brain will realize there’s something wrong.
7. Start an affair
Going home after the high of an exciting affair will quickly drive a wedge between you and the toxic partner.
Note:This is only valid if you can start an affair with someone “better”. Don’t make the mistake of just sleeping with someone random. That will make you feel bad and, icing on the cake, will subconsciously tell you that your partner is not that bad after all.
8. If sex is great, get a vibrator
If sex is one of the things that keeps you close to him, get a vibrator. If you only had sex with one person so far, it’s easy to forget that orgasm can be had with.. Pretty much anything.
9. If you’re on the pill, quit it
Getting back to a condom will give you the feeling that you two are a bit more distant. And it will give you the sensation you two are moving apart, which is exactly what you want. And if he gets winey: even better. The more you can draw out poor behavior from him, the more you’ll be able to quit your toxic relationship.
Importantly, your hormone levels will change, which makes it very possible that your feelings for him will change as well.
10. Get emotionally close to someone else
Love has a lot of overlap with emotional intimacy. It’s rare that we’re in love with someone without any emotional connection. Thus, if you can get emotionally close to someone else than getting out of your toxic relationship will happen naturally.
Some smart colleague, someone in your same situation or, better of all, someone from your new activities you’re taking, is perfect.
Should You End a Toxic Relationship?
If you ended up on this page to know how to get out of a toxic relationship, changes are you do are in a toxic relationship. But if you’re not yet sure, check this article on whether you need to break up. It really goes to the core of what relationships one should work on or abandon.
Toxic relationship often have a patter of fighting and making up that’s addictive. Especially for some anxious attachment types -women more often than men-.
That’s fine, it’s normal, don’t beat yourself up over it.
The secret sauce is to start thinking you will end it beforehand. That will make your partner more and more alien to you. And in the meanwhile you will start building a life outside your relationship. And will drive a natural wedge between you two.
Then add the other steps in here and getting out of a toxic relationship will almost become a breeze.