How to Stop Being A Beta Male

“Beta male” is a very popular term in the manosphere.

But there is confusion around it. Who are these beta males, and how to stop being one?

This article will provide you with an answer.

picture of beta male controlled by a woman

Who Are Beta Males

In ethological terms, beta males are men who rank second highest within a social ranking of a primate group.

However, in common parlance and among men and manosphere groups, “beta male” has come can be defined as such:

A beta male is a male member of the human species who is submissive with other men, subservient to women, and ranks very low in dominance hierarchies. 

In ethological terms, that would be an “omega male”.

In this article, we will discuss the beta male in the manosphere terms. Such as, that guy who is socially clueless, and near the bottom of the social ranking. For simplicity -and for SEO reasons-, from now on, will (incorrectly) call him “beta male”.

A few hand-picked examples of betaness to start

Before we dive in, let’s take a look at a few examples of beta males we have already covered on ThePowerMoves: 

  • Neil Strauss gets pussy whipped: in this example, Neil Strauss fails to enforce his boundaries and to draw the line in front of obvious rudeness and abuse
  • The sad of dancing monkey: the pictorial story of a man who chased for scraps of intimacy and attention, while she enjoyed seeing him suffer
  • Talulah Riley humiliates Elon Musk: can a billionaire be a beta male? Usually, it’s unlikely. But you are always a beta male, no matter how much money you got, if you are pussy-whipped

And now, here is a simple 10 steps formula to move out of betaness:

1. Cut Your Submissive Behavior

If there was one major trait common to beta males, it’s this:

Beta males display signals of submissiveness, often and conspicuously, and largely use a passive style of communication.

The general rule indeed is that alpha males are dominant, while beta males are submissive.

Beta males are submissive in two very different ways towards men and women, and we will address both in this article. 

For now, start here so you can root-out any overly submissive signs you are sending out:

1.1. But Watch Out for Fake Aggression

Too much submissivness is a no-no, that’s for sure.

That being said, the solution is never to just add aggression.
You’re simply not gonna fix betaness by swinging in the opposite direction and acting hyper-aggressive.

The fixing must go deeper.
It’s the whole frame of mind that must switch, together with acquiring basic social skills (and later adding more advanced power dynamics skills).

Simply adding aggression is like trying to turn a turd into gold with a can of yellow spray.
If you only add that thin paint coat of aggression, you end up looking like those abused, beaten down dogs who curl up at the end of a cage, barking out of fear.
Those people who don’t know how to engage in constructive or assertive behavior are barely any better than a submissive beta male.

An example?
Look at this scene, and you’ll notice right away who and what I’m talking about:

Bryan Callen: If someone tries to bully me I’ll show up at your fucking house and I’m gonna kill you. That’s what fucking happens
(proceeds to keep yapping, get interrupted, and shown for a big loud mouth who can’t back up his treaths)

Exactly the type of aggression that screams “beta”.

2. Don’t Put Women On A Pedestal

There are two ways beta males deal with women the wrong way:

  • White knighting

White knighting is an old PUA concept.

A man has a white-knighting mentality when he sees women like poor damsels in distress who can’t get by without his help.

White-knighting stems from the false belief that women are dumb, lost, innocent, and need to be saved.

Many men feel good about supporting and providing for a woman. 
What’s different with white knights betas is that they take it to the extreme, which also leaves them easy victims of what I call “damsel in distress manipulation“.

The solution?
Feel free to support the woman you pick as your life partner, but it must be mutual support.
If you’re running around all day doing all the work for your queen, then you are probably white-knighting and you must re-assess the give and take of your relationship.

  • Low-quality providing

Low-quality providers are men who date as providers, and who don’t feel like they are good enough for women.
Dating as a provider is not beta per se, and one can be an alpha male provider.
But it is beta the way that beta men do it.

And how do they do it?

Beta males approach dating with the mindset that the woman is always far more valuable than they are. Such as: beta males think they are not good enough.
In the beta male’s mind, there is a bottomless gulf of value between him and her, so he seeks to make up for that value differential in all ways he possibly can.

Beta males seek to fill that bottomless gulf with money, emotional support, promises of endless love, services, and… Massive doses of submissiveness. Why submissiveness? Because beta males feel like they must be submissive to their woman or else she’ll just pick up and leave.

With white-knighting and the feeling of not being good enough, beta males always end up placing women on a pedestal.

Luckily, the cure is simple: think of yourself at least as equal in value.

a beta male offers flowers to a woman

Getting on your knees only works when in jest, and when you are the undisputed relationship leader. In all other cases: avoid. 

Also read:

3. Learn Power Dynamics

Nobody sets to become a beta male.

So, why are most men still beta?

Because they don’t even know they are.
The main reason some men are stuck in “beta male” territory is that they are unaware of power dynamics.

In truth, all the steps above, plus most issues on this list, are going to be taken care of once you learn about power dynamics.

For that, I think there is no better cure than this website’s course:

3.1. Internalize This: “You’re Worthy of Being Respected”

Beta males allow other to disrespect them.

Sometimes, they even fail to label the abuse and disrespect as such.
Beta males prefer to pretend it was OK, that the other person “was just joking”, and that they “didn’t mean it”.
Or even that they are “good friends”.

Sure you are… NOT.

See here a perfect example from beta male Fredo:

Godfather: Is that why you slapped my brother around in public?
(jumps in, defending his abuser)
Fredo: Oh no, eh-eh, that was nothing Mike. Oh no, Mo didn’t mean nothing by that. Sure he flies off the handle every once in a while, but.. But me and Mo are good friends, right Mo, eh? 
(gets ignored by Mo, confirming all his betaness)

Now its true, Fredo might not have had the power to slap back Mo when he was humiliated.
And maybe even not to demand proper behavior right away.
But remember, acquiring personal powerful starts not with the power of pushing back on any and all affronts. Personal power starts with this simple mindset:

Nobody has the right to treat me rudely.

Every time you can push back on any disrespect, do it.
And if the risk of pushing back is small, take that risk (hint: getting fired should be included in those “small risks”).

But of course, in life there will be times when you won’t have the power to push back.
And that’s OK: it’s your mindset that matters most, and your mindset is still the same.
To move out of betaness -and of victim mentality- shitty behavior must NEVER become “OK” within you.

You don’t take the affront too personally because you’re building an antifragile ego, and you move on…. But you also don’t forget. And if one day you get the chance, you’ll even the scores. 

4. Lift / Exercise 

The effects of testosterone are context-dependent, and more complex than most online resources describe them.

For example, in environments where pro-social attitudes help increase status, men with more testosterone actually become more pro-social, not more aggressive or anti-social (Sapolsky, 2017).

And that’s actually great news.
It means that more testosterone doesn’t make you more of an asshole, it just makes you less of a beta.

So you got no excuses.
How to increase that T in your body?
An often-recommended solution is to exercise. And it makes sense.
Studies show that heavy exercise and high-intensity training increase testosterone.

Source: http://itestosterone.com/

Bigger size and more muscles might also have a more direct, positive effect on your social power.
Jon Anthony, for example, says that bulking up got him more of respect from men, and more attention from the ladies:

4.1. Consider HIIT Training

What if you don’t have time for gyms?

Consider doing high-intensity interval training (HIIT).
HIIT is a training method that consists of short bursts of all-out effort punctuated by brief rest periods.

HIIT is effective no matter the age.
A 2017 study found that HIIT training increased testosterone also in men in men over the age of 60.

HIIIT is my go-to exercise. 
Being often on the move, it’s difficult to attend gyms. So I do HIIT.

Plus, I use all props and furniture I can see around.
I pick up chairs and squat, or use 6-packs of water bottles. Or just jump up and down a bed.
Get creative, it’s double exercise: body, and mind :).

4.2. Eat Healthy (Without Becoming a Soy Boy!)

Diet is as important if not more important than exercising.

Reduce the carbs, especially the refined ones, and avoid the real junk such as:

  • McDonalds / KFC / BurgerKing and all
  • Sodas of any kind
  • Snacks of any kind
  • Sugar-filled “sports drink” and juices
  • All kinds of packaged food

My opinion on nutrition is this: learn the basics, apply them 95% of the time, but don’t go crazy with it.
It’s very beta-like to be scared of the carbs in a whole-grain spaghetti carbonara as if there was a tarantula hiding in them.

Sometimes, just eat whatever the fuck you like, and do have a few drinks when you feel like.
Life is also meant to be enjoyed.

Both exercise and diet fall into a general mindset of caring and taking of yourself.
When you care and take care of yourself, it all ties together: you don’t allow assholes or mean women to disrespect you, you put healthy food in your mouth, and you take care of your engine/body with exercise.

5. Unfriend All Your Beta Males Friends

You know the saying:

He who walks with the betas learns how to become one

Alright, there wasn’t such a saying before I wrote it.
But now there is one, and it’s true.

You can’t hang out with betas and expect to be an alpha male.
Even if you are the alpha among the betas, chances are you’re still a beta outside of that group.

beta male party meme

There might be an alpha male within a LAN party. But he’s most likely a beta as soon as he steps out

Remember, there is no such thing as a shark in a pond. Sharks just don’t live in ponds.
And alpha males don’t hang out in betas’ ponds.

6. Learn How Beta Males Act. Then Do The Opposite

I think this is a heavily underestimate way of learning things.

Instead of just watching how great people act and trying to do the same,  also watch how the people you don’t want to be like act.
And then do the opposite.

What do beta males do?

Things like:

  • Take all kind of crap from anyone
  • Engage in endless virtue-signaling
  • Feel guilty about themselves, for being men, or just for being evil humans
  • Follow orders, always toe the line
  • Engage in scapegoating, never accept responsibility
  • Carry her bags while she waltzes around
  • Relinquish all power in their relationships (pussy-whipped)
an example of a beta male begging a woman

Begging and pleading are typical beta-males behavior

On, and these days, the new variety of betas going by the name of “soy boy”, also do this:

  • Yell for “getting rid of police”

The belief that the world would be better off without police is part of an enlarged “white-knight fantasy”.
Such as, as much as betas believe that women are innocent creatures, they also believe that almost everyone is good and innocent.
Evil is extremely rare for the soy boy, and mostly concentrated within hyper-males, which includes the police.
That also gives beta males another excuse to be betas: the “bad guys” are hyper male and conservative. And the good guys like him are feminized and progressive.

More anti-beta reading:

  • How women control men (and what to do about it): you don’t need physical power to manipulate and control people, a basic truth of human life that seems to escape many beta males 

7. Unfriend All Attentions Whores You Are Not Sleeping With

This is attention whoring:

Attention whoring consists of sharing sexy pictures (thirst traps) to attract the attention of thirsty males

Attention-whoring also includes emotional and touchy stories (“depth traps”), sad stories (“pity traps”), and political tirades (the soy-boy progressive types will never fail to like and share).
But it’s the sexual side that really hooks the thirsty beta males in. 

Attention whoring is dangerous because it steals men’s time and diverts their energies from worthy pursuits to feeding the ego of the attention whore.

Unluckily, there has never been more attention whoring in the history of the world than we have today.
The favorite places of attention whores are, in the order:

  1. TikTok
  2. Instagram
  3. Facebook
  4. Tinder / dating apps

To avoid falling for the beta thirst trap, unfriend all attention whores. 
Alternatively, you can unfollow them. 

You might skip this step if you’re more advanced and/or if you’ve 
Warning: you’re only at this stage if you can tell yourself “hot, but LOL, she’s such a low-quality attention whore”.

8. Don’t Pursue Women From The Friend-Zone

simp meme and explanation

It seems like there is a new term around:

Simp.

So, what’s a simp?
Apparently:

A simp is a man who puts women on the pedestal and seeks to win their favor by acting like a doormat.

Simp is a new word, but it’s a new word that describes an old phenomenon for which there was a word already.
That word is “beta male”. Simp is a type of beta male, like the soy boy, the white knight, and the virtue-signaler.

The simp version of beta male courts a woman running around at her beck and call. 

Look, I hate black-and white thinking and I like to embrace complexity.
So let me be more precise here: it’s sometimes possible to get women after long chases (see: “atypical seduction techniques“).
But not when you chase like a simp.
And it’s possible to bang women as friends if they see you like a hot cool “friend”.
But not when you’re a simpy friend.

Finally, it’s also possible that a woman will eventually decide that the beta male orbiter is “good enough” and, in the absence of a better prospect, she might have sex with him or get into a relationship with him.
But he’d be entering those relationships as super low in power.

Also read:

Hopefully, you want some more efficient and high-power strategies, so do the opposite of what beta males do:

  • Beta males seek to befriend women and later date them
  • Beta males chase women too hard, and too obviously
  • Beta males wait forever before making a move
  • Beta males are happy to wait 3 months for sex

So you, you just do the opposite.

And I will end this one with a quote from “alpha male strategies“:

Unfortunately, there’s always a beta male willing to play these women’s waiting game, just make sure it’s not you.

Also read:

8.2. Drop All Women Who Demand You

Have you heard of books such as:

Do you know what they have in common?
Well, they all have in common that they are wrong: men don’t like uncooperative bitches.
Or, at least, alpha males and men with a backbone don’t like uncooperative bitches -and you want to be that kind of man-.

These books tell women that they are teaching them how to get men.
In reality, they are teaching women how to get beta males.
Because only beta males would get into a relationship with a woman who demands without giving.
She demands, expects to be chased, expects emotional and financial investment… And then gives nothing back?
Drop her immediately.

Here’s an example for you of a woman who has to be dropped immediately.

text example of a woman for beta males

For more red signs of women you will have no time for, read:

9. Unplug From All Beta Sources

Tough call, I know.

Betaness is all over TV, popular media, and songs.
Well, great!
This can be a great opportunity to free up much of your time:

  • Drop pop-music (especially J and K-pop), and anything where androgyny-looking men gush about love
  • Stop watching celeb news, you shouldn’t even know who Rihanna is married to (or whether or not she’s married)
  • Cut down on memes / games: PewDiePie, memes, Reddit, games… Not exactly “beta”, but not really “alpha” either, since you’re not being productive
  • Cancel your Netflix subscription 

The problem with Netflix is that most shows and most Hollywood movies are full of beta male characters and politically correct BS.
Yeah, even Iron Man in Avengers is a pussy-controlled beta.

If you still like movies and songs, it’s a great opportunity to enlarge your horizons outside of Hollywood.
You’ll be surprised at how much more realistic non-Hollywood movies are, including with better male role models, and more realistic seduction scenes with more sexually assertive men:

Warning: be careful with those high-dominance seductions, they require high emotional intelligence

Also read:

Unplug From All Sources of Betaness

As you stop hanging out with beta friends, you also want to stop beta social media connections from getting any access to your brain. 

An example?
Whenever anyone posts or likes shit like this one on your wall:

an example of the typical article beta males like to share

Take articles like that one as an invite for an immediate unfollow / unfriend.

But there is something deeper here.
Why do males love to share articles about female empowerment?

To begin with, because they think they are gaining social (and sexual) points by professing their supposed “open mind” (in truth, they’re not open-minded at all, of course).
But most of all, beta males love sharing female empowerment stories because it makes them feel good. The female empowerment narrative makes beta males feel like it’s OK not to wear the pants in their relationships.
The high-betaness of those messages reassures them by communicating something like this:

See, my dear beta?
Women are better than men, so it’s OK that women in your life lead you. Actually, every man should let women lead because they’re better at it, so you’re being a forward thinker

So the beta can keep being a beta, and feel good about it.
Oh, and if you’re interested in that nonsense Forbes article, you can read more here why it’s nonsense.

10. Escape the Betalpha Trap

You made it to the last step.

Don’t skip this last step, though.

Too many men stop here and never really get 100% ouf of the beta male stage.

I call this the “betalpha” trap.
They are the quicksands in which some men get mired when they first start understanding about power dynamics and self-development.

Betalphas come in different stripes, but they all tend to have a few things in common:

  • They’re not focused on getting better, but feeling better: hence, they engage in social climbing and alpha-male posturing, mocking beta males and feminazis in an attempt to feel better about themselves (you’re better off ignoring betas and feminazis, instead)
  • They get angry instead of getting effective: some online communities are too ripe with anger and misogyny to be helpful. Venting and raging will not make you any better off
  • Follow other betalphas: see for example the story of LondonReal, where betalphas lost $1.000.000 to a second-tier narcissist cult-leader. Don’t worry, I’m not telling you to go full sigma and always walk alone. You can join any group. Just stay mentally independent. Get mentors, but keep your critical thinking on and never turn those mentors into Messiahs
  • Misogyny, and joining forces with other men against women: this is one of the most dangerous stages some men get stuck into. They realize the world is not a Hollywood romance, and get angry at the system -and at women- for having “lied”. So they lash out against society and, most of all, against women
    Unluckily, there are plenty of manosphere leaders who are happy to keep men stuck in anger

Wanna see an example of a betalpha?
Here is one, from a commenter on a YouTube video showing a man running faster than a woman (no shit, eh?): 

example of a beta male trying to be an alpha

NateSim: Why is this so satisfying to watch

Short answer:

Because you’re a cunt, Nate

Longer answer:

Because you are projecting your individual identity into the whole “male gender” group (mistake #1), and you think that your personal value hinges on that group of men being “better” than women (mistake #2).

It’s ironic, but since betalphas tend to be angry and confrontational, it’s more likely that a beta male will have a more fulfilling life than a betalpha will ever have.

How to avoid getting stuck in this stage?

To begin with, remember this:

Your path of self-development is about YOU.
If there is anyone holding you down or fighting you, it’s yourself.

As long as you believe there is someone, a gender, or a conspiracy theory holding you down, you will always stay stuck with a victim mentality.
If you really must pick up a war with someone, be it with yourself (but even then, I discovered that self-love is usually superior).

Striking a Balance

Yes, this last step means you must strike a balance. 

As much as you reject feminism and cannot stand virtue-signaling male feminists, you also reject the manosphere’s misogyny.

A mentally healthy high-quality man does want to be the leader of his relationship. And it’s also healthy to believe that it’s best for the man to be the leader of the relationship.
But he also sees that relationship as an opportunity for win-win and mutual collaboration -which is what relationships are-.

This is an important concept part of “enlightened collaboration“:

Also see:

Summary

There, we make it to the end.

There is actually one last step that should be obvious and already part of your life if you’re reading here:

  • Commit yourself to a self-development plant

Keep working yourself, and you can escape betaness in a matter of just a few moths.

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