Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy is your guide to surviving a breakup and make him run back to you.
- Bullet Summary
- Full Summary
- Chapter 1: Why No Contact Works
- Chapter 2: The Aftermath of a Breakup
- Chapter 3: The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride
- Chapter 4: What a Man Expects After a Breakup
- Chapter 5: Cut Him Off Completely
- Chapter 6: Hide Your Crazy
- Chapter 7: Handling a Breakup Through Facebook and Twitter
- Chapter 8: How Long You Must Go Without Contact
- Chapter 9: Get Your House In Order
- Chapter 10: Skyrocket Your Self Confidence
- Chapter 11: How To Make Mr. Ex Miss You
- Chapter 12: What You Should Do to Get Him Back
- Chapter 13: Be Smart With Your Heart
- Avoid contact after a breakup
- Resume a happy life. And if he can see that, all the better
- Only take him back if he shows he’s serious about moving forward
Note, albeit “Ignore The Guy, Get The Guy” never openly states, it’s geared towards maximizing the chances of you two getting back together. I’m personally not sure that’s the healthiest mindset to have, but that’s your decision.
Leslie Braswell says that how you handle the post break makes the difference to either make him run further away, or make him come crawling back for another chance.
Chapter 1: Why No Contact Works
No contact immediately after the break up is the only way to go, implies Leslie Braswell.
She says that controlling your emotions will be the hardest part. But it’s key because women who fall apart communicate unattractive neediness and no emotional control.
No contact is the best medicine because:
- Hides your true state (that you’re falling apart)
- Communicates you’re no longer his (and men want what they can’t have)
- Gives him space to miss you
- Shrouds you in an air of mystery (what is she up to?)
- You more easily move on (keeping in touch makes you stay loyal to him)
- It’s the only way to know if he really wants you back
When he contacts you first, let him wait before you reply. If he sends an empty text such as “what a great day today”, don’t reply. Texts without a scope serves nothing: you’re not out for a chat, he either wants you back, or he’s a time waster.
Leslie Braswell says you keep the silent treatment until he’s 100% serious of getting you back.
Chapter 2: The Aftermath of a Breakup
The author says that it’s OK to take the first week to mourn and be sad. Use this time to analyze what went wrong and how you contributed to it.
After that week it’s time to move on:
- Change phone ringtone (so you don’t run checking texts hoping it’s him)
- Always dress well
- Keep the old messages, use pain as a reminder: love shouldn’t hurt, it wasn’t real love
- Set weekly “no contact reminders” and reward yourself at the end of each week
Chapter 3: The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride
Leslie Braswell says knowing the emotions you will experience will make it easier for you to endure it.
The emotions are:
- Anger -obsessively asking what went wrong-
- Negotiate -in this phase you want to talk to him to fix it-
But the author says that smart women don’t negotiate: they have a take it or leave it approach and don’t do compromises.
However, she doesn’t believe that once it’s broken it’s gone for ever. But don’t take that as a motivation to pursue him: he has to show you first. And he has to put in the effort.
Leslie says you will know if he really wants it: when a man loves you, he makes you his priority. That simple (same concept Greg Behrendt espouses in He’s Just Not That Into You).
Chapter 4: What a Man Expects After a Breakup
Leslie Braswell says a man will expect you to contact him and possibly to fall apart. And that’s when you’ll throw him a curve ball.
She says in three weeks he will realize you’re not really seeking him, and after four weeks he’ll wonder what are you up to. But if he hasn’t reached out in eight weeks, he has moved.
Breakup Power Move
Leslie Braswell says you should bounce back and have fun -and possibly let him know that-. When he catches wind of that, it’s gonna be a big hit to his ego.
How He Broke Up
The author says that telephone break up is only acceptable in long distance relationships. Otherwise anything else outside face to face is a nono to even consider getting back together.
You Can’t Be Friends
It doesn’t work when there are still feelings because the breakup never really ends and it only gets messier.
And there’s another slimier reason why he’d want to stay friends: he’s not really sure and wants to keep you as an option.
I loved the author’s suggestion on what to reply when he gives you the “let’s be friends” BS. You smile and say “sure”. And if he calls you to be friends, ignore it.
My note: this is also my suggestion on how to turn down a date with class. And what Carrie does when meeting his ex with a kid.
Chapter 5: Cut Him Off Completely
The author says it feels to you like you you’ve lost the love of your life, but you only actually need to give your body the time to re-balance from the oxytocin chemical.
Don’t Have Sex With Him
The author says that men want sex while women seek security. That’s why until he’s providing you with security you shouldn’t give sex.
My note: Lambert says during breakups men look for new women while women stay loyal. So no sex breakup. Either together, or nothing.
Chapter 6: Hide Your Crazy
Chapter 6 of Ignore The Guy Get The Guy can be boiled down to this: you can have a nervous breakdown, but never act on it or show it.
The example is that of a former female astronaut who, obviously, didn’t hider her crazy. Lisa Nowak drove hours on astronaut diapers to assault his ex’ new girlfriend -oh, and in case you’re wondering, the diapers served to avoid wasting time on biological breaks during the drive-.
The author poignantly ask: do you think her ex would ever consider getting back together after that?
Chapter 7: Handling a Breakup Through Facebook and Twitter
Leslie Braswell recommends you delete him from your friends’ list and quietly take down the pictures of you two together. Wait a few days before changing your relationship status and change it privately.
Keep posting the same way you used to post before the break up, so you won’t show any signs of emotional trauma.
Chapter 8: How Long You Must Go Without Contact
The author says if you two shared something meaningful he’ll probably get in touch within thirty days. If he doesn’t contact you within sixty days, your relationship is probably over for good.
Chapter 9: Get Your House In Order
Leslie Braswell has a few tips on moving on:
- Tell yourself there’s no other option but moving on
- Join classes
- Make yourself beautiful and go out (maybe on girls’ night out)
- Be open to give and receive (new) love
- Change your style: some hair highlight for example
- Go on a shopping spree
- Clean / fix house
- Remove all his pictures from sight
Chapter 10: Skyrocket Your Self Confidence
Leslie Braswell says that self confidence is something you develop. She says you should develop your own rules and value, and not simply accept what society feeds you (I agree, check my guide on how to build a strong identity).
Other tips she shares:
- Take stock of your qualities and remind yourself each day
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Do positive affirmations (what Tony Robbins calls incantation, but it doesn’t work with low-self esteem)
- Try new things and new places
Chapter 11: How To Make Mr. Ex Miss You
Leslie Braswell says you should give him less attention than he gives you after the break up.
And when you get in touch, don’t say everything about yourself. Be a mystery, leave him guessing.
I especially liked in this chapter Kate Middleton’s example. The author says she’d bet Kate was destroyed after prince William broke up with her. But she gave the opposite impression. She worked out and got in shape, she organized charity events and enjoyed the night life. And prince William went back to her.
Leslie Braswell says you might not have photographers to chronicle your life, but you can use the power of social media.
Chapter 12: What You Should Do to Get Him Back
Braswell suggests you focus on yourself and on becoming the best woman you can be.
Chapter 13: Be Smart With Your Heart
The author says women crave for a hand to hold on or a chest to sleep on, but relying on someone else to make us happier is not good in the long term. And she says you should first love yourself before anyone can love you.
And most of all, don’t get bitter and don’t let past relationship hold you back to move toward new -and possibly better- relationships.
The author has a list of frequently asked questions. Get the book for more.
Ignore The Guy Get The Guy has useful content, but the book could have been (much) briefer.
Leslie seems mostly hell bent in making him miss you so that he might come back. I’m not too sure that’s a very healthy mindset and in some cases you might be better served with a “let’s find a better guy mindset”.
Good book, easy to read and the concepts make a lot of sense. You will definitive increase your chances of getting back together or moving ahead faster by following Leslie’s tips.
I also appreciate the fact that Leslie doesn’t take no moral high ground on the reader. She admits it’s difficult and it’s a tough time. I appreciate when that authors show a vulnerable side instead of pontificating while hiding behind a pen.