Modern Romance is a satirical and yet deep, data-backed view of the modern foibles of dating.
- Too many dating options make it paradoxically more difficult to find love
- There are huge differences in dating across the world (ie.: Japan / Argentina)
Modern Romance Summary
Keep in mind Modern Romance is an in between a dating book and a humorous book.
I will skip most jokes and innuendos here.
Happiness and Soulmates
Aziz says something that makes a lot of sense: “finding the perfect soulmate” is a new thing.
Only a few decades ago it used to be for security and social status. And often arranged. The “opening up” of the dating marketplace changed it for good, says the author.
The Curse of Choices and Option
This was by far the most insightful part of the book for me. Aziz quotes the book The Paradox of Choice and says that’s what’s happening to dating: it feels like we have infinite options. And, especially the maximers among us, we want to strive for perfections.
There’s no perfection though, so we often end unhappy and single.
I also agree not giving good guys a chance is one of the biggest mistake women do in dating.
Aziz says that data shows people match up with people whom are nothing like the description of whom they want. Not just who they end up with, but also when messaging people often break their own rules.
Stages of Love
Aziz says there are two types of neurologically different love: passion love and companion love.
Passion love belongs to the first period of a period, lasting between 12 to 18 months. The brain is very active and the effects are comparable to cocaine.
Companion love is associated with brain center of bonding and relationships. It’s not as intense but it can grow over time.
Aziz Ansari has also an interesting section on texts and how to texts, but I personally didn’t find it too good.
Real Life Applications
Don’t Look For Love: Develop It
As much as you don’t find passion, probably you shouldn’t “find love” (albeit my product is called Find Love lol). You find someone you like enough and then deepen the relationship.
Modern Romance is light enough and deep enough that it strikes a good balance between fun and insight. Albeit the book is not -and not meant to be- a dating guide, it does provides some relevant information in that area.
Most of all I personally appreciated Ansari’s view of the Paradox of Choice applied to the modern dating world. I find it true and hopefully illuminating for many.