This quiz gives you a quick overview of your current level of social confidence and assertiveness.
Pick the option that best describes you.
It’s based and adapted from Judy Murphy’s work, especially “Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others”.
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Think of your last few interactions with strangers. Was holding eye contact “normal” for you, part and parcel of the interaction or was it somewhat difficult?
To answer correctly: Don’t focus on extreme examples of either too difficult (ie.: stare-downs) or too easy (ie.: family members). Thnk of everyday situations, ranging from cashiers to professors to neighbors.
Do you project your voice in a way that people clearly understand?
To answer correctly: Consider the volume first and foremost. The question here is whether or not you have trouble raising your voice at a volume that is clearly audible by everyone that is the recipient of your communication.
Do you slouch, or tilt your head forward?
To answer correctly: The question is not asking whether you stand like a military cadet -which is not good posture by the way-. The question is if you tend to look down when walking, slouch when seating, and generally hold your head at an angle instead of (mostly) straight.
Think about times when you need clarifications. This could be asking task details to a boss, directions to a stranger, or the ingredients of a certain food on the menu. if you have troubles, does it mean that you sometimes end up guessing -and potentially making mistakes- because you’re uncomfortable asking?
To answer correctly: Having troubles to ask also includes asking first, but still not reaching full clarity because you feel pressured not to ask any follow-up questions
Are you comfortable around strangers?
To answer correctly: By “comfortable”, I don’t mean the center of the attention or being the super extrovert guy. That might be comfortable. But “comfortable” can also be sitting by yourself, but without feeling much social pressure or embarrassment. Also, differentiate between “preferences”, “apprehension”, and “fears”. 99% of people prefer being at a social event with someone, and the majority of people care about what others think -that’s a good thing-. But by “uncomfortable” here we mean anxiety, and heightened states of nervousness, fearing other people’s judgment, and fearing social embarrassment.
Can you easily say no when you want to refuse something?
To answer correctly: Think of situations with moderate pressure. Like a pushy salesman, a boss asking you to do extra but non-urgent work, or a “friend” mobbing you to help him with something. Don’t focus on how well -or not well- you say no -we will explore how to say no well in the course-. Only think whether or not you are comfortable saying no.
Can you express annoyance or anger appropriately?
To answer correctly: The question here is if you can express your feelings without becoming overly aggressive.
Can you defend against unfair remarks?
To answer correctly: An unfair remark is anything that YOU perceive as being unfair. It can be a coworker -or a boss- blaming you for a mistake that’s not yours, or it can be a “joke” that you find offensive. When these situations happen, do you speak out?