Are you just coming from a date with a girl you liked?
And… You know you bombed it?
I know how it feels.
And it’s 10x more painful if you liked her… Or if you were close to having sex with her.
Trust me, I know.
In this post, I will show you how to recover from a bad date.
- Recovering from a bad date
- From bad date to sex : a step by step guide
Recovering from a bad date
Recovering from a bad date with Facebook is all about keeping yourself in the circle, and mind, of the women you know.
And of the women, you had a poor first date with :).
A bad date is defined by a girl who is not replying or who already told you “no” to meeting again. In these instances you cannot chase for another date: she is not thinking highly of you, and the more you write her the more you’ll become “that annoying weirdo who just doesn’t let go”.
What do you do, then?
Facebook is your best weapon to let her see what a terrible mistake she made in writing you off. And the best part? You do so without any chasing and posturing -well OK, a bit of posturing: always make sure you look good on pictures ;)-.
Advantages of Facebook over text
When the romantic road is bumpy and she’s not replying or already said “no”, Facebook -or social media in general- is superior to direct messages for a few reasons:
- It’s a low effort medium to “ping”
You weren’t being a stalker on her profile, her post just appeared on your feed and naturally inspired your witty comment.
A text message, on the other hand, is high effort because you intentionally took time for her and that says “I was thinking of you”. And when she’s not thinking of you (yet), that screams “stalk-ey”.
- You can get “gallant points”
For wishing happy birthday, for example. Or sincerely congratulating her on the new job.
These are also amazing natural conversation starter. “Oh congratulations on the new move, how you feel about it”.
- You showcase your cool life
She will see you enjoying your life. Or what a great artist you are. Or what adventurous trips you’re taking. And she’ll notice you not contacting her as you enjoy your life. Now get some women in that life and you’re hot commodity. Did those women made you forget all about her? 😉
- It’s border-less
People move and travel a lot these days. I do too, and deal with women and people moving all the times. Add people on Facebook and never worry again about changing phone numbers or forgetting about each other.
In a nutshell, Facebook is less “you and I” and more social.
Normally you want more “you and I”, but after a bad date you need more social: you need removing yourself from the “guy who wanted to have sex with me but didn’t” and move into the “cool guy I know and might meet again in the future”.
Facebook & law of large numbers
Just to be clear: there’s no magic bullet to a poor impression. Your best shot is in person the first time out. And if you’re can’t meet again quickly, your chances plummet.
But, here’s the silver lining, they don’t go to zero.
And since you can use this strategy with all those unlucky women who don’t become your lovers right away, you can effectively play the large numbers’ game. Eventually, the number of “somewhat interested” women in your Facebook periphery will grow to the point that you’ll have the chance of striking again with some of them.
As this was the case.
From bad date to sex : a step by step guide
Recovering from a bad date #1 acknowledge it
You two didn’t get along. Or you fucked up.
In my case, we had very little words in common but I thought it was clear we were going back to my place.
So you can imagine how happy I was when, almost in front my place, she goes for the metro instead :).
I said she could only stay for a drink, it was just 5 minutes etc. etc. but nothing.
We exchanged contact anyway, albeit I was pretty sure that was going to be it, also because she was leaving town in a few days.
Indeed my two texts went unanswered:
As expected, no biggies.
Keep a learner and outcome independent mindset and.. Plenty of fish in the sea for your rod ;).
But… It’s not over until the fat lady sings, as they say.
Follow the process below and you will maximize your chances of recovering from a bad date.
Recovering from a bad date #2: ignore her
Needless to say, you don’t write anything anymore after two unanswered messages.
Don’t even like any post or, God forbid, any of those sexy pic that got you so incensed for what you missed (mystery about your will feelings help you).
Just forget about her.
#3: ping her
Around 5 months later it’s her birthday.
A birthday is a perfect occasion to re-send a message.
Everybody loves a good wish, and it’s a natural and caring gesture without the kissing up factor -not like you were thinking of her, FB told you-.
Also, it’s very likely you’ll get a reply from a birthday wish.
a reply is very important. Texting after you already got a reply, even if just a “thanks”, represent a positive precedent and puts you in an incredibly stronger position.
Power Move Tip:
If you’re in different time zones, send the wishes before it’s her birthday in her time zone or the day after, so that it will stand out.
Similarly, if you want to use her reply to restart a conversation and then ask her out, which works especially well if she replies “thank you, how are you”, do it the day after, This way your message will not get lost in a barrage of incoming notifications.
Same thing for two years.
These were the first steps towards recovering from the bad first date.
In the meanwhile a couple of back and forth comments on some posts, mostly humorous, and some likes on some posts or picture not showing any skin -the idea is to induce liking by suggesting you are similar after all-.
#4: plan your strike
But you can’t stay in the periphery all your life of course.
Your goal is to get her out with you again. The best way is to strike up a convo using a catalyst involving both of you.
Make it seem as if it “just happened”, a coincidence, maybe even destiny: women love “just happened” and destiny.
Maybe she liked a picture of yours doing some sport, or she signed up to an event you’re also planning to attend.
In my case, two years later, I was traveling to her city.
This is a typical scenario with travelers (and if you’re serious about it, note down all women you wanna have another shot at with basic details and residence. Not that I do that though.. 🙂
Unluckily she was out of town, but that was our first real conversation since we first met. And it was clear by then she was fully ready to meet again (insert “sics” a bit all over :).
Note: this was the moment when I completely moved out of the “guy with whom it didn’t work out” and entered into a more neutral territory -maybe even a slightly positive one given the bubbly replies-.
We exchange a few more messages and, a few months later… She’s in my city.
That immediately gave us a reason to speak again, and now from a position of strength: I am a cool old friend she has a history with and destiny seem to be on our side to finally meet again. You can use some text flirting to your advantage here.
I sent her a message, we exchanged a few pleasantries and agreed on a time and place to meet.
We went for a beer, then back home. This time no late train to catch, and we closed the circle.
All thanks to (proper use of) Facebook.
Should You Even Try to Fix A Bad Date?
Recovering from a bad date can be such a daunting task that asking yourself if it’s even worth it is a fair question.
You could use that time on something else.
And by moving on you might save yourself a lot of heartaches.
Because recovering from a bad date is difficult and, frankly, quite unlikely.
However, sometimes you do can.
This post showed one of the many ways you can do it.
So in the end whether or not you should try to fix a disastrous date, is up to you.
Recovering from a bad date is a low probability situation (focus on texting right instead).
There’s not so much you can do directly as that will come across as chasing.
Recovering from a bad date with Facebook then is all about reversing the odds indirectly, by staying in touch and showing your attractive side without chasing.
- Ignore her completely -You’re a busy man and moved on-
- Wish happy bdays and drop a rare, witty comment -You have no hard feelings but you’re still around!-
- Have an interesting profile, have women around highlighting you’re in demand -Oops, are they prettier than her?-
- Find an exciting, sudden event bringing the two of you near again and propose a drink