The Girl Code: Summary & Review

the girl code book cover

The Girl Code shares women’s success stories and encourages women to go after their dreams while also being supportive -and supported- by other women.

Summary

About the Author: Cara Alwill Leyba is a speaker and life coach focusing on women’s empowerment. 

Stories of Female Entrepreneurs as Interviews

This is not an easy book to summarize because a good chunk of it are simply lots of interviews with different successful women.

They are not very in-depth interviews, but you can glean some crucial nuggets of wisdom, like their fears, major challenges, or why they do what they do.

Ultimately, all those interviews help you realize that entrepreneurial success is not uncommon, and that if you just start and act in spite of your fears, good things can come to happen.

Becuase that’s how most of them got their start: they were fed up of doing what they didn’t like and craved for more.
They were afraid to start, but they started anyway. And little by little, they made it their own way. 
BTW, it’s not just how women become entrepreneurs. It’s the same for men.

Supportive Men Do Exist

Many women talked about their relationships in Cara’s interviews.

Some of them were toxic relationships, and some of them had troubles getting over abusive men (if that’s you, read “how to end a toxic relationship“).

But when they finally ended those negative relationships, those women bloomed. And many of them found supportive men who loved them for who they were: driven women who want to go places. And they supported them in their journey.
So, yes, non-jealous, non-competitive and supportive men do exist. Don’t settle for the jealous ones who want to undermine you. 

The Girl Code

Among the “rules” of the girl code:

  1. Empower others: pull people up, don’t tear them down
  2. Ditch the negativity: stop putting others down… And stop putting yourself down. If you have negative people in your life, consider cutting them off
  3. Expand your circle to include supportive women: as much as you want to cut out the negative, you want more supportive and empowering people in your life. And drop your scarcity mindset: there are a ton of them
  4. Stop comparing yourself to others: especially based on social media. People only use social media to make others jealous
  5. Hustle: success will come to those who work for it
  6. Be grateful: gratefulness opens the doors to abundance and positive mental states. And it crowds out negativity and envy

Turn Jealousy Into Admiration

If you are a competitive woman, it’s possible that you will compare yourself to other successful women.

And what happens when you see that a woman is being more successful than you are?
You get a pang of jealousy.

Now how you react to that point will determine whether you let jealousy ruin you, and you turn into a frenemy, or you take the high road and become a supporter.
Here is how Cara advises to go from jealous to supportive:

  1. Recognize that jealousy is normal
  2. Remind yourself that success is in unlimited supply
  3. Go the opposite way: drop them a congratulatory note or write them a public message
  4. See if you can meet her, have a coffee with her, and learn from her

Quotes

On people hurting you (haters):

Hurt people hurt people 

On prioritizing:

There is no time for bullshit when you’re building an empire

On handling tough situations with kindness, as it happened to the author when her driver lost his way and she was late for an important TV interview:

No, no, it’s OK, it will be fine (…). Don’t worry (…).
He thanks me repeatedly for being so kind.

“In life sometimes we go in the wrong direction, all we can do is turn around and find our way again”, I say to him.
Hello, life coach on board.

That was a funny one :).

CONS

  • The Law of Attraction

I am not a big fan of the law of attraction.
You can read my reviews of:

As a matter of fact, I believe the law of attraction is pure poison to female entrepreneurs.

Here is why I believe that male entrepreneurs earn more than women: because they focus on reality and how to optimize processes that make them more money, instead of wasting time in woo-woo BS

  • Create your champagne life?

Who am I to criticize a couple of drinks and a posh lifestyle?
That can be fun.
And it can be a great life.
In a way, I also am a bit like that, enjoying beauty and the pleasures of life -just substitute champagne for wine-.

The problem with that type of marketing though is that it’s not focused on work. And a book on entrepreneurship should be focused more on work.
Parading the “glitz lifestyle” encourages people to follow the glitz instead of positioning the glitz as a byproduct of your work and dedication.

In a way, it feels similar to Tai Lopez, who sells his products to men with cars and some hot babes around him.

Finally, to me, the champagne lifestyle not only sounds vain, but champagne is also a poor wine with too much sugar. Very unhealthy. You should probably cut out on that.
And should you make alcohol so central to your life? The author’s own Twitter handle is “champagne diet”. It might be your thing, but it ain’t mine.

  • Supporting those who stole?

The author talks about a female competitor who started copying her website, from the type of fonts, to the colors, to the content.

She was fuming.
But instead of suing her or warning her, she started supporting her. 

I didn’t find that particularly enlightening, and it seemed fake.

  • Sometimes competitive / angry

I quote the author:

Wisdom is meant to be shared, so let’s start sharing what we’ve learned to make each other better. Let’s start building each other up. Let’s live up to our potential and start ruling the world.

Hmmm, these messages of “ruling the world” or, the male counterpart, “putting a dent on the universe” never appealed much to me.
They reek of narcissism and sociopathy.

PROS

  • Many interesting micro-interviews

I enjoyed the many interviews. I enjoyed them because they are not with super famous women, but it’s with accomplished female entrepreneurs who have been successful in their field, but from whom you would not have heard otherwise.

Maybe they’re running a personal business like ThePowerMoves, but you wouldn’t hear of the cool things they are doing if it wasn’t for “The Girl Code”.

  • The story of the lost drivers: an educative story for 

Cara’s story when her driver lost his way to her TV appointment was both funny, entertaining, and educative. At a human level. The way she dealt with the driver, with compassion and kindness, is a model for us to follow.

Plus, when she said “hello, life coach on board”, it capped a great story with a great job.

To me, that was the high point of the book.

  • Positive message on dropping jealousy

I like the author recognizes jealousy as normal. And it’s a good thing she advises to move past it.
Also read:

Review

The content is similar to many other books, but the presentation is unique.

When it comes to “forming a circle of women”, I’m not the biggest fan.
If you have read some of my reviews of “Lean In” types of books, you will know that I am not a big fan of this “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support each other”.

I find that mindset sectarian, tribalist, backward… And toxic.
It’s just one step before the equivalent male groups who congregate with each other to hate on women (see: “the psychology of the Red Pill“).

Luckily, “Girl Code” has much wisdom that goes well beyond the “women together”.
Many of the success stories, of course, are equally relevant to men.

To me, the best takeaways are the interviews and the mini case studies. I loved them because they were not on the huge successes, but more on lesser-known women who still made their dreams a reality. 
That shows readers that achieving your dreams through your entrepreneurial journey is easier -and more common- than one might think.

Check the best books for entrepreneurs or get the book on Amazon

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