The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks is Jen Sincero’s guide for straight women who want to “try” and learn more about sex with other women.
Jen Sincero is the author of the bestseller You Are a Badass and, apparently, she is also an enthusiast of woman on woman action.
She is a very sexual person, she admits, and started masturbating at 5 years old.
Yet, she’s only had her first experience of lesbian sex past the 30 years mark and… She enjoyed (apparently).
I listened to the audiobook, and frankly, there is little point in me recounting here of jokes and the sexual positions.
I don’t summarize jokes, and I think that writing is a poor format to explain sexual position (and so was the audiobook for that matter, I haven’t fully understood a single position she described).
What I can give you which is a bit more useful is my criticism of “The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks”.
It Felt Aggressive
The overall feel of “The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” is on the aggressive, de-humanizing way of approaching sex, seduction, and lovemaking.
It’s as if the approach is all on “trying, experimenting and adding notches”.
The title itself, it feels like predatory of “curious” women who want to try new stuff and now set-out to sway, cajole and manipulate unsuspecting victims.
As a website born to help people assert themselves and prevent abuse, I find that predatory approach distasteful.
Selfish, Narcissistic Approach to Love & Seduction
The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks is mostly focused on the self-indulgent pursuit of maximizing personal pleasure.
There is little consideration for the partner and little attention to the emotional pleasure of seduction and lovemaking like connecting and bonding, trying things together, sharing intimacy at different levels etc.
Sexuality As a Funny Joke
Similar to the point above, there is a feeling that sexuality and sexual relationships are all about “a big funny joke” to engage with and have a good time with.
“The Straight Guide to Sleeping With Chicks” seems to reduce sex and intimacy to racy games, experiments and “defying conventions”.
If you need to sleep with someone or trying this or that sex toy to “rebel and defy conventions” you might want to re-assess your level of maturity.
Derisive & Judgmental Towards Women Who Don’t Reach Orgasm (or “Experiment”)
The approach towards women who’ve never had orgasms feels condescending and de-humanizing, as if they were inferior for being under the yoke of their stupid sexual hang-ups.
Note here that I actually agree with the author: there is a strong relation between the ability to reach orgasm, Freudian neurosis and the openness towards sex in general.
But that shouldn’t allow anyone to take a position of superiority over others.
If anything, it gives the more advanced practitioner a responsibility to help and educate those who are farther back, not to use them as a rung for some good ol’ posturing and social climbing.
Also, there is sometimes more behind the ability (or lack of ability) to reach orgasms.
For example, some people are simply asexual (around 1% of the population, it’s estimated).
A few lines were actually funny.
Like trying to force humor with “funny” names and references to sex and vaginas felt like immature attempts at humor (like children laughing at cuss words).
And at times the humor also felt in poor taste.
Of course this is very personal though.
The “Women Are Better” Angle Is Debatable
The author seems to imply that sex with other women is much better.
One of the reasons, she says, is that women can go on and on without the pauses that men “need” between bouts.
But that makes no sense.
A man can do without his penis pretty much everything a woman can do.
And pauses are not a necessary given.
They mostly happen after he has come, which does not necessarily have to happen within a defined timeline (or at all). And plus, we’re in the age of Cialis and Viagra “pauses” are not a given, either.
If anything, it’s a question of knowledge and willingness more than ability. Such as many men not willing (or now knowing) how to do much else beyond trusting with their penis.
In that case, the author might actually be right.
Just Give Up The Idea of “Men VS Women
However, at the end of the day, I don’t like this idea of “this gender is better than the other”.
Some men can provide better sexual experiences to some women.
And some women can provide better sexual experiences to some other women.
Albeit this obviously isn’t my all-time favorite book, there also are a few good positives:
- Good On Sex Education
Albeit I didn’t get much on the positions from the audiobook (plus I had little personal interest in learning the details as a man), I think it’s quite good from a sexual education point of view.
And can be a very good guide for women who are indeed curious or want to try a few new things in their brand new F-on-F (sexual) relationship.
- Positive Message of Getting to Know Yourself
There is a positive message of getting to know yourself and your sexuality. Jen Sincero wants to demystify sex and remove from the dark corner of “sin-hood” that some people and cultures seem to hide it in.
- Can Be A Positive Encouragement to Open-Mindedness
I write as a guy in the west where “women on women action” is commonplace (and sometimes even a tool for what I call “attention whoring”: think of the girls kissing each other in bars and clubs).
However, there are some people and some areas of the world where sex is still a big taboo.
In those cases, this book might help.
I wasn’t a big fan of Jen Sincero’s previous work with “You Are A Badass“. I thought the book had “meh” humor and rehashed content.
Plus I have a personal distaste for catchy titles that sell on marketing and clever copywriting rather than on content (think of: “Fuck Him“, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck“, “The Power of The Pussy“, “Men Love Bitches” etc. etc.).
So I might have been a bit negatively biased to begin with.
But I had high expectations for The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks.
I was hoping for some wisdom on social dynamics in picking up women from a female perspective.
I have met a few lesbians who shared some juicy details on how they prepare their move and it was great stuff.
Super interesting both for me and for the audience of this website, both from a seduction perspective and from a psychological one.
But that’s not what I found here.
The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks is a mix of humor, soft porn content, sexual education and only lastly it’s a guide to pick-up women.
Probably the best content is on sex education.
But if you want to learn more about how women and lesbians approach seduction, there is not much.
A couple of stories here and there and the old -and possibly abusive- “get her drunk” “tip” (slime-alert).