The Tao of Dating (2010) is a dating book for women that draws inspiration from Taoist and Eastern philosophy to help women become better and more efficient daters.
- Bullet Summary
- Dating With Tao: The Foundations
- Become Yin to Attract Yang
- Relationships Types (Jerks VS Good Men)
- Love Takes Time
- Develop Self-Esteem to Keep & Attract High-Quality Man
- Learn How to Spot Bad Boys & Good Guys
- To Meet Him, Show You Like Him
- Develop Sensuality and Femininity
- Attraction, Rapport
- Don’t Flake: It’s A Dating Slippery Slope
- Make Sex A Guilt-Free Experience
- Love yourself first
- To attract masculine (yang) be feminine (Yin)
- Give good men a chance: love develops over time
Binazir says that educated and talented women find themselves in unhappy dating situations at an epidemic scale.
I could not agree more with that.
So let’s see how “The Tao of Dating” can help you fix that.
Dating With Tao: The Foundations
Binazir starts with important mindsets that will help you not only in dating, but in life.
- Fulfillment is a feeling, NOT a person
- The world is a reflection of ourselves: love and accepts yourself
- Be grateful (the author quotes Viktor Frankl)
- You’re a manifestation of divine energy: radiate it
Become Yin to Attract Yang
Binazir suggests that good relationships are a balance of Yin (femininity) and Yang (masculinity).
A woman, to attract a masculine counterpart, should embrace her Yin.
Most men respect strength and leadership qualities indeed, but unless they are expressed in an overall framework of femininity, respect does not translate into attraction.
Respect for female strength does not translate into male attraction
Relationships Types (Jerks VS Good Men)
The author presents 3 archetypes of male/female relationships:
- Mannish woman (no Yin / no heart) and submissive woman (lots of Yin / no spine)
- Sensitive man (little Yang) and independent woman (little Ying)
- Good guys (minor in Yin, major in Yang) and good woman (minor in Yang, major in Yin)
In the last stage both understand the other sex but at their core, they stay true to their genders.
Love Takes Time
When I read Ali Binazir talking about women’s attitude towards dating, I knew I was possibly reading the best book on dating I had ever read.
He mentions this story:
A female friend of his had a great date.
She spoke to him until 3am in a cafe’ and deeply vibed with him.
So Binazir asked her when she would see him again.
She wasn’t sure she was going to see him again.
Because she didn’t have “butterflies”.
But, says the author, love rarely means madly falling in love with someone during the first date. Love is an ever deepening feeling that develops over time.
Which, I would add, is exactly the same for developing your passion: developing, not finding (read Duckworth’s research about it).
Develop Self-Esteem to Keep & Attract High-Quality Man
The author drops another big pearl of wisdom as he cites the (nearly not enough) famous research of Swann et al., 1994.
The research explains that low self-esteem in women is the fertile ground upon which toxic relationships develop.
Learn How to Spot Bad Boys & Good Guys
The author describes how to spot bad boys.
He says they come with extremes and then describes a few of bad men types.
Get the book for the full descriptions and check these:
- The 10 types of players
- 7 signs that he’s a player
- 7 questions you need to ask to find out he’s a player
Binazir also describes how to recognize good men.
He has several different telltale signs, and the one I liked best is this:
- Has own moral compass and knows what he wants: he doesn’t look and cater to outside sources
The outside sources will at times also includes you.
And that’s why high quality men will not chase you and do everything for you.
I couldn’t agree more.
Also check my article:
To Meet Him, Show You Like Him
Signaling your intention is important.
The author has some great suggestions –check the book– and mentions the movie “O brother” for some sensual beckoning inspiration:
If you need some more help with your body language, also read:
Develop Sensuality and Femininity
The Tao of Dating also has some great exercises for rediscovering your femininity.
Get the book for the exercises and read:
The author delves into attraction, rapport building techniques and also how to make him fall in love with you.
Read the book for more and also check How to make him crazy about you.
But the high quality way to make him fall in love, the author says, is to let him become a better man together with you.
Don’t Flake: It’s A Dating Slippery Slope
The author introduces a concept I’m very fond of: “back justification”.
When you flake on someone or cancel at the last minute your mind will back justify your action telling you that you didn’t care enough about him.
That might not even be true.
But now you unconsciously lose interest in a guy who might otherwise be an amazing guy.
I also list this point as the very first mistake in my 7 biggest early dating mistakes women do.
I would also add that, similarly, you shouldn’t:
- Willingly let him invest much more than you do
- Let him wait for sex (as a bargaining chip)
Make Sex A Guilt-Free Experience
I fully agree with Binazir outlook on sex, which is less strict than most other dating authors.
Binazir says that sex can be thorny, and indeed how long you wait depends on your chemistry, how you feel and the type of man.
But, if you make sex a good, guilt-free experience, than it will help your dating, no matter when it happens.
Relationships can be challenging.
But Binazir says that if you are good with people in general, then relationships will also be easier.
Because in spite of what some popular psychology books say, men and women are not from different planets (he’s hinting at Men are From Mars Women are From Venus).
No difference has been supported by scientific evidence, so avoid over-generalizations based on gender stereotypes.
I approached The Tao of Dating with some unwarranted reservations (“Eastern philosophies” raise woo-woo red flags in my mind).
But boy was I wrong.
The Tao of Dating is the best dating book for women I have read so far. Ali Binazir shows a great grasp of human psychology and an understanding of high quality men that few other authors match.
I can only praise and recommend the Tao of Dating.