The Tao of Dating is a dating book for women. And it’s one of the very best -possibly the best- I have read so far.
- Love yourself first
- To attract masculine (yang) be feminine (Yin)
- Give good man a chance: love develop over time
Binazir says that educated and talented women find themselves in unhappy dating situation at an epidemic scale. The Tao of Dating helps fix that.
Binazir explains a bit some key concepts that will permeate the book:
- Fulfillment is a feeling, NOT a person
- The world is a reflection of ourselves: love and accepts yourself
- Be grateful (the author quotes Viktor Frankl)
- You’re a manifestation of divine energy: radiate it
Yin and Yang
Binazir suggests that good relationships are a balance of Yin (femininity) and Yang (masculinity). A woman, to attract a masculine counterpart, should embrace her Yin.
Most men respect strength and leadership qualities indeed, but unless they are expressed in an overall framework of femininity, respect does not translate into attraction.
Relationships Types (Jerks VS Good Men)
The author presents 3 archetypes of male/female relationships:
- Macho (no Yin / no heart) and subsmissive woman (lots of Yin / no spine)
- Sensitive man (little Yang) and independent woman (little Ying)
- Good guys (minor in Yin, major in Yang) and good woman (minor in Yang, major in Yin)
In the last stage both understand the other sex but at their core, they stay true to their genders.
Love Takes Time
When I read Ali Binazir talking about women’s attitude towards dating, I knew I was possibly reading the best book on dating I had ever read. He mentions a woman who had a great date, spoke to him until 3am in a cafe’… And yet wasn’t sure she was going to see him again. Because she didn’t have “butterflies”.
Love rarely means madly falling in love with someone during the first date. Love is an ever deepening feeling that develops over time.
Exactly the same way you develop your passion (read Grit).
The author drops another big, big pearl of wisdom as he cites the (nearly not enough) famous research of Swann et al., 1994. He explains why low self esteem is the fertile ground for toxic relationship.
Get the book for more!
Spotting Bad Boys & Good Guys
The author describes how to spot bad boys.
He says they come with extremes and then describes a few of bad men types.
Get the book for the full descriptions and check these:
- The 10 types of players
- 7 signs that he’s a player
- 7 questions you need to ask to find out he’s a player
Binazir also describes how to recognize good men. It’s really great work he has: it’s the best list I’ve seen. I invite you to get the book to read them all.
The one I liked best was:
- Has own moral compass and knows what he wants: he doesn’t look and cater to outside sources
The outside sources will at times also include you. And that’s why good guys will not chase you and do everything for you. I couldn’t agree more.
Also check my article:
Signaling your intention is important. The author has some great suggestions –check the book– and mentions the movie O brother for some sensual beckoning inspiration:
Sensuality and Femininity
The Tao of Dating also has some great exercises for rediscovering your femininity. Get the book for more and also read:
The author delves into attraction, rapport building techniques and also how to make him fall in love with you. Read the book for more and also check How to make him crazy about you.
But the high quality way to make him fall in love, the author say, is to let him become a better man together with you.
The author introduces a concept I’m very fond of: “back justification”.
When you flake on someone or cancel on the last minute your mind will back justify your action telling you that that you possibly didn’t care enough about him. Which in turn means he wasn’t good enough.
And now you unconsciously lose interest in a guy who might otherwise be an amazing guy.
I also list this point as the very first mistake in my 7 biggest early dating mistakes women do.
I would also add that, similarly, you shouldn’t:
- Not answer his texts on purpose
- Willingly let him invest much more than you do
- Let him wait for sex (as a bargaining chip)
I fully agree with Binazir outlook on sex, which is less strict than most other dating authors.
The author says that in spite some popular psychology books men and women are not from different planets and no difference has been supported by scientific evidence (he’s hinting at Men are From Mars Women are From Venus).
He goes into some equally great relationship advise, and I invite you to check the book for more.
My bad! I approached The Tao of Dating with some unwarranted reservations (I’m not too big into Eastern philosophies and all of that).
But boy was I wrong.
The Tao of Dating is the best dating book for women I have read so far. Ali Binazir shows a great grasp of human psychology and an understanding of high quality men that few other authors match.
I can only praise and recommend the Tao of Dating.