1. Liar & Manipulator Loses Money

Same tenant from a previous example:

Me: There should be a notice card for a packet
Her: I just check the mailbox but don’t see any notice card from DHL

When I was back the notice’s date showed it was there when she supposedly “checked”.

She didn’t have to help.
But to refuse honorably:

Honorable approaches

• Straight out say “no”, “I cannot/don’t want to do it”
  • Consequences: She’d lose social capital because it feel rud-ish. But still better than lying
• Say she has other priorities and cannot deal with this.
  • Consequences: She may still lose some social capital, but better than the above
• Say she cannot deal with it because of X/YZ.
  🐍 Health or issues such as “stressed out / burned out / issues at work etc” are effective. Just don’t abuse it
  • Consequences: if it’s true and sounds legit, it’s a great option
• Ask for something back with “direct talk negotiation”.
  • Consequences: the relationship moves from “friendly” to “business-like”. But that’s OK.

Crooks’ Inconsistencies Become Lies

Here is how reputation changes everything:

• Crooks’ inconsistencies are interpreted as lies
• Honorable men’s inconsistencies are explained away

That’s why with her history of poor behavior, I was pretty confident it was a lie.

⛏️ See the old lesson for another suspicious “inconsistency”

Result: now I’m only in it for myself

Result?

After much dishonorable behavior, I started disliking her.

I felt that negotiating tough wasn’t just fair, but a duty.
A duty to punish the crook, and prevent a win-lose.

Usually easygoing with the deposit.
But with her, it was magnifying lens and calculator.

2. Lucio Fails to Talk Straight

A good mantra:

Speak up, speak respectfully, but say it straight and clear.

I didn’t appreciate when a long-time member wrote a (slightly power move-y) public farewell, then reached out privately.

HOWEVER,

I acted out my growing resentment until I curtly ended it.

I was passive-aggressive when I should have spoken up.

3. PU Customer Loses Face With A Lie & Power Move

This customer says:

Customer: I checked the payments I did and discovered I already did five of the required nine

First off, never lie about anything that can be easily checked.

And the next power move makes it unlikely it was a mistake:

Customer: My recommendation for friends will start as soon as your system approves my previous payments ! :)

Unnecessary social exchange game.
If he paid, it will be recognized.
If not, he will have to pay just like anyone else.

The smiley face feels like the icing on the turkey’s cake.

Now compare to Dmitry instead:

Dmitry rounded up the amount “as a thank you for the free content”.

Forget the money for a second and focus on the attitude behind it.

What type of man would one respect, admire, and want to have in his life?

Easy choice, right?

4. The 4 Dishonorable People Who Lost My Respect

Some great examples:

4.2. The Kindergarten Rat

This was in kindergarten.

And I STILL remember it.

I entered a room with my 2 friends behind me, saw a drawing on a table, and ripped it.
No honor in that.
It was a little bully move -I probably wanted to display some “dark power” to remain the leader-.

Later we’re in the mensa for food.
A teacher enters and asks loud and angry:

“who ripped this drawing! Who ripped Aurora’s drawing”?

Aurora was her daughter, so she probably took it personally.

The whole room plunged into a tense silence.

Francesco, my supposed friend, broke that silence:

It was Lucio, it was Lucio!

I couldn’t freaking believe it.

My friend rats me out?

Without even anything in it for him?

The teacher called me up in front of everyone.
She asked “Which hand I had used”, and slapped it.

I never forgot that.

I was in the wrong.
But as we said, “being honorable” sometimes is subjective and diverges from legal, or “good for society”.

And the rule of honor says you support your bros.

How to be civic-honorable without being a rat

How could one denounce antisocial behavior, without being a rat?

Here is how to :

1. Tell your friend it’s not cool while he does it
2. Leave the group if things don’t change
3. Tell the teacher (or police) after you left the group

Then you’re an honorable civic hero.

⚠️ You can become the bully’s #1 enemy. That may be risky.

But if you handle the confrontation well, you become the new leader, or the leader of a new group.

Honorable informant VS rat

The differences are:

• Motivation: values, or self-interest?
• How

Francesco wasn’t moved by values.
He just wanted the teacher’s sympathy (without losing the group’s belonging).

That’s why it feels slimy.

Red flags are like cockroaches. If you see one, there will be more 🚩🟰 🪳

Francesco had more red flags.

For example:

During childhood run races, Francesco usually lagged.
But you had to watch out because he’d try to trip you with a tackle from behind.
Can you get a more bitch move than that?

Even to this day, Francesco to me is a spineless turkey.

Rats Get Bullied: Shaq Example

Bullying is, in large part, a game of status and respect.

A good example from Shaq:

Guy 1: (rats out Shaq to the teacher)
Shaq: (beats him up)

Shaq thought of that kid as a dishonorable bitch rat.

BUT I bet you much of the class also did.

To gain the class’ respect he should have stood up, turned to Shaq, and say:

“Man, you acted like and asshole and I don’t like assholes. That’s why I speak up”.

He’d have gained Shaq’s respect as well.

4.3. The Professor I Respected… Until She Expected A Lie

During an English test in high-school we had to describe a movie we liked.

I picked “Shawshank Redemption”.

Seemed like a great movie, but I hadn’t finished it.
I told that to the teacher.

She looked at me like you’d look at a baby and said:

“Ooh Lucio you are so naive”.

Why was I naive?

Supposedly, I should have lied.

And that’s when I lost much respect for her.

A teacher, whose crucial job is to grow competent and honorable adults, teaching to lie 🫤

Dishonorable AND poor strategy

The lie was also strategically dumb.

The goal of that test was NOT movies’ knowledge.
So there were only downside risks to lying (ie.: an honorable teacher who knew the movie and spotted the lies).

4.4. Mother Puts Son In A Position to Lie

My grandmother wanted her grandchildren to eat meat.

And, my mother shared, she was judgmental of my mother’s cooking and parent -and wasn’t wholly wrong :)-.

So when my grandmother would ask me what I ate, my mom told me to say “meat”.

I was too young to understand.
But today, I know better.

5. Tech Lead Shows How A Crook Loses Against A Straight Person (Coffezilla)

Coffeezilla has an honorable man reputation.

Tech Lead attacked Coffeezilla when he uncovered his NFT scam (and dishonorable character).
And in the most dishonorable fashion.
He accused Coffezilla of being a sexual predator, a child molester, and a scammer himself.

A good case study on what happens when a dishonorable man dishonorably attacks a man with an honorable reputation.

This was one of the attack videos:

And this is the response he got:

Some of the answers (including some that didn’t fit in the screenshot):

I always thought it wasn’t right for your wife to move to Japan with your kids. Now I know why she had to do that.

For anyone curious, this vid has 3k likes and 13k dislikes.

TechLead really went from being inspiring to questionable to deplorable.

6. Dishonorable Cheater Is Worse Than Cheater

Fun video to watch while learning about dis-honorable behavior:

(recorded on incriminating call)
Her: I heard the call
Him: it never happened
Them: we recorded it
Him: No, never happened… I don’t remember it
Her: lemme check the phone
Him: it’s about to die, I’m saving battery
Them: we have chargers
(now he’s trapped and shown as a dishonorable liar)

The honorable approach?
Admit it.
Or at least refuse to comment.

🙋‍♂️7. How my mother lost my respect

Lucio:
Confronted about smoking during pregnancy, my mother said that “she didn’t smoke in the 2 months most important for child development”.

Pressed that all months are important, she replied that the doctor said “Signora, there are plenty of smokers who make super smart kids”. 🦃

⬆️ The excuses don’t hold. Own your mistakes
Feels like gaslighting and only makes you angrier.
An honorable woman would have owned it. And ‘I’m sorry’ would have fixed it.
Instead, with this approach, I even doubt she stopped for 2 months.