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A good reach out example

Most cold emails and reach outs are whack.

Some plain annoying.

This one was far from perfect and also some power moves on it.

However, there are several solid elements in it.

Of course there's some stuff I personally disagree with, but the format itself is solid.

See if you spot what made it good:

Dear team of The Power Moves,

I am *****, a feminist activist who focuses on the contributions that women make to the technology industry. In spite of gender biases, I want to actively encourage females to seek careers in STEM.

I've been reading your coverage on how to build a successful career as a woman: https://thepowermoves.com/successful-women-dating/ - and I wanted to thank you personally for it.

Aside from that, I was wondering if you were interested in updating your post.

I'd like to provide an extra resource for your piece that, in my opinion, would be a nice complement to it. This is the resource I would like to suggest to you: https://www.websiteplanet.com/blog/the-empowering-guide-for-women-in-tech/. The article has some great data on gender differences. They offered a lot of achievable solutions so that women may be represented equally.

Please let me know if you decide to alter your article. I'm putting together my newsletter, which has a lot of monthly visitors, and I'd want to include your story in it.

I'll be waiting for your response as soon as possible, as I'm about to launch the newsletter.

Sincerely,
***

Ali Scarlett and Bel have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

What I see as good points are: her self-presentation, and her mention that she:

  • has read the TPM article she refers to (showing she dedicated time and investment);
  • wants to include the article in her newsletter reaching "lots of visitors" (WIIFT).

On the less good side I see:

  • request to modify content;
  • tasking;
  • time pressure.

The "thank you" from an external uninvolved person always feel a bit "power movey" to me, so I would chalk it up as neutral - maybe an unwitting power move. The fact that she adds "personally" though makes it sound more sincere, as it hints at the facts that she herself found value in it - hence the reason for the thanks.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Yes, Bel.

Always considering this was most likely part of a large campaign, so you can't truly expect a 10/10.

But also on the pros:

  • "I am (name)": high-power and straight
  • Personal / relatable feel: she manages to make it feel like a human being behind that email rather than a copy-paste (even though it may as well be, and likely is, a copy paste)

Dubious:

  • The feminist angle, it can work because it's very polarizing. If she sends it to some other feminist or partisan folk, it can work well. Someone who doesn't care, it can still have a "grab attention" effection.
    On the other hand, if you don't know the receiver, it may not be the best self-description for several reasons, but let's skip that for brevity

Some of the issues:

  • "Aside from that", feels manipulative, as if to want to minimize the biggest point in her email: her what's in it for me, and the request for me. Better to avoid that and go straight to the point instead
  • She uses the word "your coverage", which betrays it's probably a copy-paste and she's targeting online publications. We never use that word here, which also suggests she knows little of TPM
  • Vague "and I'd want to include your story in it." I think she means a link. But this is the WIFM, this is what she should have expanded more on

And also, she chased way too early, way too much, and not well:

Ali Scarlett and Bel have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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