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How men can tackle women's questions in online dating

#1 · July 29, 2020, 11:46 pm

Quote from Social_Strategist#1 on July 29, 2020, 11:46 pm
The article "10 ways to speak with confidence" correctly states that it's more dominant to ask questions than to answer them.
As a man who meets women on online dating sites, this is challenging. I find that women often on online dating sites ask LOTS of questions of the men who are interested in them.
This is problematic for men who seek women online and want to maintain a dominant frame while doing so.
What's a guy supposed to do, say "I will not answer any of your questions. Just be my girlfriend even though you don't know anything about me." Obviously not.
Let's say I'm communicating with a woman on an online dating site. IF I don't answer her questions, the woman will think that I am a shifty/shady guy who is defensive and has things to hide. And the interaction will go no further.
Sometimes when I feel like I've answered enough of her questions, and she's sill asking more questions, I say something like: "I'll be happy to answer that question when we meet in person over a drink." And then I lose more power when her answer is "No. Answer now, or I'm not meeting you for a drink." In this situation, if I don't answer her question, I lose. If I cave in to her demand and answer the question, I lose no matter how good my answer is because I'm caving into her frame.
To make matters worse: I do not think that in this case you can "rebalance" the power dynamic by asking an equal number of questions of the woman. If a woman on an online dating site asks you 20 questions, chances are that it's at least partly because she needs to feel safe and comfortable about meeting you etc. (And she can always use that as an excuse, even if she feels perfectly safe and is just giving you a hard time.)
So I'm convinced that turning the tables and asking 20 questions of her is not the answer for two reasons.
First off, you're following her lead if you do that -- she asked the 20 questions first, so now you're just copying her. It looks very obvious.
Secondly, it's not very manly for a guy to want or need to ask a woman dozens of questions just to meet up someplace with her for a drink. Most guys would be more than happy to meet up with an attractive woman for a drink, even if he knows nothing about her.
Please explain how a man who seeks women online can deal with this challenge. Thank you.

The article "10 ways to speak with confidence" correctly states that it's more dominant to ask questions than to answer them.

As a man who meets women on online dating sites, this is challenging. I find that women often on online dating sites ask LOTS of questions of the men who are interested in them.

This is problematic for men who seek women online and want to maintain a dominant frame while doing so.

What's a guy supposed to do, say "I will not answer any of your questions. Just be my girlfriend even though you don't know anything about me." Obviously not.

Let's say I'm communicating with a woman on an online dating site. IF I don't answer her questions, the woman will think that I am a shifty/shady guy who is defensive and has things to hide. And the interaction will go no further.

Sometimes when I feel like I've answered enough of her questions, and she's sill asking more questions, I say something like: "I'll be happy to answer that question when we meet in person over a drink." And then I lose more power when her answer is "No. Answer now, or I'm not meeting you for a drink." In this situation, if I don't answer her question, I lose. If I cave in to her demand and answer the question, I lose no matter how good my answer is because I'm caving into her frame.

To make matters worse: I do not think that in this case you can "rebalance" the power dynamic by asking an equal number of questions of the woman. If a woman on an online dating site asks you 20 questions, chances are that it's at least partly because she needs to feel safe and comfortable about meeting you etc. (And she can always use that as an excuse, even if she feels perfectly safe and is just giving you a hard time.)

So I'm convinced that turning the tables and asking 20 questions of her is not the answer for two reasons.

First off, you're following her lead if you do that -- she asked the 20 questions first, so now you're just copying her. It looks very obvious.

Secondly, it's not very manly for a guy to want or need to ask a woman dozens of questions just to meet up someplace with her for a drink. Most guys would be more than happy to meet up with an attractive woman for a drink, even if he knows nothing about her.

Please explain how a man who seeks women online can deal with this challenge. Thank you.

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