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How to handle intrusive questions
I've noticed that people will grant themselves permission to ask themselves really piercing and impertinent questions.
For example: You (Lucio) are at a cocktail party talking to someone about what you do. Â Suddenly he asks:
So how many subscribers do you have per month, and how much does each subscriber pay you per month?
In other words, he's asking you how much money you make (at least from this venture).
All he has done is ask you a very simple question. Â A highly inappropriate question, but a a simple one. And yet by doing so, he has suddenly taken the judge frame put himself in the power position. Â This despite his complete lack of etiquette.
If you answer, you are bending to his frame and revealing highly personal information that he has no right to even ask about, let alone know.
If you don't answer, you look like you have something to hide. Â Your interrogator will assume that your business is doing poorly.
Women of course "trap" men with difficult and/or impertinent questions like this as well.
So how do you handle these intrusive questions?
Ed,
Tell me first: how would you answer this question?
What do you think is a good way of handling these pointed, intrusive questions?
I would do two things: 1) Deflect. Â Basically refuse to answer. Â 2) I would point out that the question is inappropriate and/or impertinent, especially if I just met the person questioning me.
I might also make a some kind of joke or teasing remark to lighten the mood. Â Something like "come on man, we just met .. . "
Sometimes I try to turn their own question back on them, but that's hard to do if you don't answer their question to you first.
Exactly.
All of those work.
one more option:
Why are you asking that man?
In technical framing terms this is a "one-across".
You avoid one-upping back and give them a chance to explain.
Now they must either come up with an excuse -losing power-, or backtracking -also losing power-.
If they stick to their guns instead, they look even more nosy, so that a stronger answer from your side looks totally justified.
If instead they say they are interested in entrepreneurship, then you can reply generally about entrepreneurship, and look superior.
For example:
Well, the real question is not how much I make, but what it took me to get to a comofortable standard of living, enjoying total freedom, and living life on my terms.
And it took a lot of work and dedication, I can tell you that.
In a way, you are both "showing them" and shaming them with this reply.
It's like saying "don't be the typical nosy idiot, and focus instead on becoming the type of man who can build wealth, because so far, I suspect you are not".
Bang!
