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Acknowledging, Owning and Leading Your Dark Side to Mutual Victory


First and foremost, it is a sincere pleasure to return to The Power Moves - and to see the evolution of this site and those within. Having trained heavily here before, I learned a great deal, especially with the help of our learned people here. I took a hiatus to apply what I learned through life experience. Along the way, there have been victories and defeats, great growth and above all many adventures. Returning, I honor the value-bringing win-win spirit of this site with an article built on what I know best: owning your Dark Side, overcoming severe situations and ultimately rising above horror into the light.

The objective of this article is to equip you with the means to first understand, then work with and finally lead your Dark Side towards mutually beneficial outcomes. This will include practical means, personal anecdotes and open questions to explore the topic further. This is in service to the defined Purpose, which is to build up virtuous and powerful leaders for the new age to come. For better and for worse, challenging times are coming, and we must be prepared.

Without further ado, let's begin.



'A good man is not a safe man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.'

Jordan Peterson

We all have a Dark Side. How we engage it varies - some of us deny it, others are consumed by it. A rare few transcend it - and the rarest of all harness it, leading it towards virtuous ends. Often, society seeks to suppress it, both out of self-denial and to profit from your resultant weakness - for the darkest elements of our character also hides our greatest strengths. For those not afraid to look, for those ready to own it utterly, it offers great power indeed.

But that is only half the battle; stopping there only makes you its slave, not its master. The Dark Side can devour you whole; it can drag you into cycles of addiction and conflict, where one never knows peace. The final step is to engage it from an Assertive frame; neither backing down nor beating it to the ground, but facing it with your own strength, embracing it with your own love, and finally leading its desires and yours towards a greater destination with clear and sound mind.

How is this done? That journey, my brother, is your own - but I can offer some tangible steps, hard-won from experience. Perhaps you can avoid my mistakes - for fools only learn from their own, but the wise learn from the mistakes of others.


Delving into the Darkness

'I am a Shadow... the true self.'

Various Personas, Persona 4

Your Shadow, your Dark Side, has already revealed itself, more often than you know. This often comes under stressful situations - doubly so if we deny that it exists at all. This is for good reason; the Dark Side is what manages our survival. Without it, we would've been consumed by the African Savannah long ago. It is, at heart, that raw will to live that gets you through all obstacles. At its core is life and death, and what enables or denies both.

It is often revealed through several critical arenas. Combat situations, physical and social alike, are one, for they deal with potential death - either directly or through isolation. So does it in sexuality, in all its forms, for at its core it is the savage wellspring of life itself. Finally, situations of extraordinary stress that tax the mind and identity are the third, for they deal with the continued existence, demise and/or transformation of consciousness itself.

The dual demands of civilized existence and our wild natures creates tension, and this is resolved through sublimated and (mostly) subdued manifestations - competitions, risktaking and social maneuvers; dominance/submission dynamics, shit testing and push-pulling; self-improvement, pushing comfort zones and ego-death experiences respectively. These are release valves on the steam boiler in order to resolve this dynamic in a reasonably beneficial manner.

When this is not properly integrated, we have the classic Shadow situation - and that, of course, always eventually comes out. Our Dark Side is an inevitable and natural part of us - so how do we engage it on our terms?


Befriending Your Inner Badass

'You know, I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity.'

Charles Xavier

Knowing its nature, how do we bring the Dark Side forth in a controlled and mutually beneficial manner?

The first step is simply to acknowledge it. You have one. That is okay; we're all human here. Simply being real about your desires, passions and aggression is half the battle right there. Like most human beings, the Dark Side simply wants to be accepted.

The second step is to recognize that your Dark Side, whatever it is, exists for good reason; it is what ensures you survive and thrive in every way possible. It's what comes online during tough times and ensures you can handle them again. It, speaking crassly, gives you your balls. 

The third step is to engage it like a person, worthy of respect. This can be tough if you've been fighting or running from it; a peace offering and sincere willingness to listen, from a place of strength, can go far here. Take the time to talk to it, hear its needs and fears, and then find common ground.

Doing these three things brings you well on the way towards integration. This is important not just for your mental health, but because your Dark Side often covers your bases, and vice versa. For example, my Dark Side is raw, savage and sexual, while I am calm, cheerful and gregarious. My Dark Side can add a critical sexual energy to interactions between men and women (overt or not), while I am able to bring comfort and social skills to the table. My Dark Side's instincts are razor sharp; he knows where manipulation is taking place and how to respond to it. I know how to stand firm and hold Frame, focus aggression towards a greater purpose and deescalate after.

I can go into depth, but you get the point - we're like peanut butter and jelly. And what happens when you two work together? That, my brother, is where the fun really begins.


The Synthesis of Self and Shadow

'Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.'

Lao Tzu

Once you two (or more) have come to an agreement - or at least a ceasefire - the next step is to create tangible steps to work together for mutual victory. To do this, time and deliberation is needed:

What do you two want? Love? Fear? What is the purpose you choose now - and where do you want to go? For example, I want to build lasting things to benefit others, and he wants total absolute freedom and power. All good; security is an important part of freedom, and I will need power to make our dreams come true.

What do you two have in common? Both of us are firmly independent, in different ways - I do it by detaching and transcending, he does it by empowering and liberating. Both of us are very passionate, in different ways - I religiously and loving others in general, he in loving specific people and life in the moment. Both of us are very purposeful, ambitious and driven. We both want to empower others - I build the future, he shatters the chains.

Finally, where are you two going? We both value communication skills and connecting with others, in different ways - I as an aspiring high power and warmth leader who builds up others, he as a fiercely passionate lover and friend to those worthy of his care. We both like being active - I love bodybuilding, he likes hiking and combat sports. And as mentioned above, we both use our talents to make this world a better place - I create what is good, he destroys what is evil.

The Dark Side, once accepted and brought on board assertively as an equal, is, outside of God, your closest friend and ally.



'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.'

Ecclesiastes 3-8, NIV


Life is complicated - and so are we. By our nature, we are flawed beings; whatever you subscribe to a religious perspective of Sin, a more secular worldview of instinctual drives or something else entirely, we are many-faceted beings who often fall short of our expectations. And that is plenty alright - the mere action of trying is plenty. Life demands many things, and sometimes it can be dark. Thankfully, we can be dark as well.

More importantly, we can turn our darkness to a higher cause. And in doing so, make both our worlds and beyond a better place.

The Eagle used to symbolize this place and its philosophy is all the more appropriate than; in mythology, the Eagle represents the bridge between Earth and Heaven, material and spiritual. It is both carnal scavenger and noble flyer. It would not be the same without either - and so would we.

It is good to be back. Till next time, my readers, take care!

Lucio Buffalmano and LorenzoE have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoLorenzoE

Good to see you again, Kellvo!

Very interesting write-up.

Looking at the dark side as a separate side/being next to the more civilized/social one, each with their own drives and contribution they can bring to the table.
I hadn't thought of that.

Kellvo and Mist1102 have reacted to this post.
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

The pleasure is mutual, Lucio.

Yes, taking the perspective of the dark side as something to be integrated gives a degree of detachment. I also agree that seeing it as simply you is important too, because otherwise it leads to fighting yourself like you said on Power University before.

Thinking of that the second way is something to consider too.

Quote from Kellvo on November 17, 2021, 1:55 pm

Yes, taking the perspective of the dark side as something to be integrated gives a degree of detachment. I also agree that seeing it as simply you is important too, because otherwise it leads to fighting yourself like you said on Power University before.

Yes, exactly, it's that different approach that got me thinking.

I'll have to sit on this for a while longer.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?