Quote from Ali Scarlett on February 5, 2022, 7:30 pm

This is a NYT bestselling book by a feminist icon, Bell Hooks.

So far, it doesn't seem like there might be too much value in terms of practical dating strategies. But, there might be some interesting ideas and fascinating takeaways from this book that could further enhance the thread, "How to spot a feminist early on (and avoid her)." More than that though, it seems like this book could give some solid ideas on healthy ways to view love and romance.

Personally, I'd be interested to see if this author is a non-value-taking type of feminist (of which I believe those exist, albeit they're quite rare) because I'd love to read more (high-quality) work from women who believe in healthy, value-giving personal empowerment.

For context, this book was put on my radar by James Clear (author of Atomic Habits), who wrote to his email list the other day:

Author, Bell Hooks, on the importance of knowing how to be alone:

"Many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape."

I remember this being a common theme among many of the girls in my high school — including one I was emotionally involved with. Many didn't pursue and embrace relationships because they felt it was a beautiful way to enhance their life, but because they wanted to use it as a sort of "guilt-free" escape from their pain (basically replacing drugs with relationships).

I watched as it caused a lot of damage to those girls (and guys) when break-ups happened and they felt like they were being plunged back into a dark, painful loneliness again. It was a feeling I could understand and empathize with very well.

So, if this book encourages ideas grounded in high-quality mindsets and a healthy emotional independence, I'd be very curious to give it a good review.