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Am I over-reacting or this is a real power move?

#1 · August 17, 2023, 8:39 pm

Quote from dsnw2022 on August 17, 2023, 8:39 pm
I have a close friend from high school - Friend A - coming to town to visit and we have planned out a few activities together during her visit.
In a separate group chat, a couple of high school friends and I - who all happen to live in the same area - are discussing about plans to get together for lunch. Friend B suggested a place, to which I responded with "I've heard great things about this place but I can't get over the idea of overpriced street food". Friend C commented saying "It's not that expensive. Also not everyone can cook street food like your husband". Uhm, ok? She sounds sulky out of nowhere so I let it slide.
Friend B, however, was enthusiastic about getting everyone together and mentioned that they had more than just street food. So I agreed to join with them and mentioned that I won't be available for the next 2 weekends but instead we should all get together while Friend A is in town. Friend B proceeded to mention that "I already planned to meet with Friend A on Saturday while she's here, why don't you join us?"
To me, it seems like she's flexing about the fact that she already has plans with Friend A although she's not that close with Friend A and that I should tag along with their already planned out activity. I was taken aback by that response but asked anyway: "So should we all have lunch on that Saturday then?" To which she responded that "No, it will just be a meet-up, I can't do lunch. And I also have a festival to go to afterwards, so that weekend won't work."
Am I overthinking here? Or is she really displaying a power move by sub-communicating that (1) she already has plan to go to a festival that weekend so she will not follow through with my suggested time and (2) she already knows about Friend A's visit to town and already has plan with Friend A - by asking if I want to join, she's implying that she's in the loop as well and has social power.
I thought about responding with "Oh I already have plan with Friend A the day before though. Thought we can all get together for Saturday lunch if you happen to be free then". But then I thought it sounded like I was trying to explain myself too much then and just left the conversation hanging there. It wasn't my idea to get everyone together to begin with, so I don't need to go out of my way to find a time that works for everyone. What would you do if you were me?

I have a close friend from high school - Friend A - coming to town to visit and we have planned out a few activities together during her visit.

In a separate group chat, a couple of high school friends and I - who all happen to live in the same area - are discussing about plans to get together for lunch. Friend B suggested a place, to which I responded with "I've heard great things about this place but I can't get over the idea of overpriced street food". Friend C commented saying "It's not that expensive. Also not everyone can cook street food like your husband". Uhm, ok? She sounds sulky out of nowhere so I let it slide.

Friend B, however, was enthusiastic about getting everyone together and mentioned that they had more than just street food. So I agreed to join with them and mentioned that I won't be available for the next 2 weekends but instead we should all get together while Friend A is in town. Friend B proceeded to mention that "I already planned to meet with Friend A on Saturday while she's here, why don't you join us?"

To me, it seems like she's flexing about the fact that she already has plans with Friend A although she's not that close with Friend A and that I should tag along with their already planned out activity. I was taken aback by that response but asked anyway: "So should we all have lunch on that Saturday then?" To which she responded that "No, it will just be a meet-up, I can't do lunch. And I also have a festival to go to afterwards, so that weekend won't work."

Am I overthinking here? Or is she really displaying a power move by sub-communicating that (1) she already has plan to go to a festival that weekend so she will not follow through with my suggested time and (2) she already knows about Friend A's visit to town and already has plan with Friend A - by asking if I want to join, she's implying that she's in the loop as well and has social power.

I thought about responding with "Oh I already have plan with Friend A the day before though. Thought we can all get together for Saturday lunch if you happen to be free then". But then I thought it sounded like I was trying to explain myself too much then and just left the conversation hanging there. It wasn't my idea to get everyone together to begin with, so I don't need to go out of my way to find a time that works for everyone. What would you do if you were me?

Lucio Buffalmano and Gguwad have reacted to this post.

#2 · August 17, 2023, 11:28 pm

It sounds rubbish to me. Combo of the you're not one of us and we are busy power moves.

I don't think I would probably handle that well but channelling Lucio I think avoiding any comments that allowed her to attack might be the go to.

Basically if somebody says this restaurant is wonderful you come out with another reason why it is wonderful.

And if you want to make a statement frame it as a question.

"Yeah I have heard they have really amazing street food.

What do you guys think of the prices?"

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.

#3 · August 19, 2023, 1:21 am

Yeah, my general take on reading dynamics is this:

If you're a generally well-adjusted person and with even just average social intelligence, chances are that if you feel something is off, then it is.

Just to give an (unrequested) feedback:

Quote from dsnw2022 on August 17, 2023, 8:39 pm
"I've heard great things about this place but I can't get over the idea of overpriced street food". Friend C commented saying "It's not that expensive. Also not everyone can cook street food like your husband".

I may have phrased it differently and potentially avoided the "overpriced" word just to be extra sure you don't come across as the one complaining/criticizing or "blocking" ideas.

But still, I agree with your read: friend C was out of line.

Gguwad has reacted to this post.

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