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An Easier Way to "Return to Sender" People Who Task You
Hi Forum,
I have found a way to respond to Tasking attempts in a streamlined fashion.
For those of you who need a refresher on the Tasking Power dynamic:
Many women will start tasking early on to test his mettle.
The more he executes her tasks, the more likely it is he will commit and invest. Thus, tasking also works early on as her screening tool for providers.
It can start innocently enough.
Like you are at the bar and she tells you to go get her napkins so she can enjoy her cappuccino -and whatever if you are also enjoying your cappuccino-.
Or maybe you two are shopping and she hands you the cart telling you “hold this”.
A good way to cement the "I can't be tasked" Frame within your relationships is to simply repeat his/her tasking request with "Please"
Examples:
Her: Close the door
Him: Please close the door
Her: Please close the door
Or...
Him: Turn here
Her: Please turn here
Him: Yes, please turn here
If I had to figure it why it works, I think it's because If they don't say please it makes them look impolite.
Good one Oli, I like this.
So if I get it right, this would work that once you get tasked, you don't actually refuse the task, but demand that it's asked in a polite way.
Is that so?
If that's what you mean, I think this works well for tasks that you were supposed to do and/or are OK executing, BUT, you also send the message that you're not the "executioner in chief" of her tasks, and expect more polite and considerate communication.
It's very good for when you don't want to escalate or go meta, and since it's such low effort, it's also very likely to be accepted.
A very neat way of regaining some power back, setting up boundaries, and demand and obtain more respectful behavior.
Interesting. Clever. I can see it working in dating. Is there any way we could tweak it to use at work?
Aiie sorry I didn't notice what sub I was in. I ll go post in the and work sub and link here.
I like this take a lot. This is a much easier rule of thumb to follow than my usual go-to of a witty quip. More reliable too, as I'm sometimes a dumbass. :)
Because I live in Korea, I will sometimes use Korean language and culture as a response to being tasked as well. I realize that it isn't directly applicable to most people on this site, but perhaps the basic point can be distilled down for widespread use.
Girl: Go close the door.
Me: (In Korean) Affirmative, Captain!
Girl: Did.... Ah. That sounded like an order didn't it? I didn't mean to sound like that.
When I do this, it points out that she's trying to order me around like a soldier (mandatory military service in Korea makes that a big part of the culture) and it's ridiculous. She should be able to see at this point that it's not appropriate to talk to someone that way, but without me having to directly say it. In my experience, it's often better to lead the horse to water rather than trying to make it drink. If they don't get it after that though, I just bail. I don't do authority well. ;)
Quote from Jack North on February 20, 2021, 2:49 amI like this take a lot. This is a much easier rule of thumb to follow than my usual go-to of a witty quip. More reliable too, as I'm sometimes a dumbass. ?
Because I live in Korea, I will sometimes use Korean language and culture as a response to being tasked as well. I realize that it isn't directly applicable to most people on this site, but perhaps the basic point can be distilled down for widespread use.
Girl: Go close the door.
Me: (In Korean) Affirmative, Captain!
Girl: Did.... Ah. That sounded like an order didn't it? I didn't mean to sound like that.
When I do this, it points out that she's trying to order me around like a soldier (mandatory military service in Korea makes that a big part of the culture) and it's ridiculous. She should be able to see at this point that it's not appropriate to talk to someone that way, but without me having to directly say it. In my experience, it's often better to lead the horse to water rather than trying to make it drink. If they don't get it after that though, I just bail. I don't do authority well. ?
Wow great tech! You are leading through while the OP is trying to lead over. Sounds like you are US and the OP is the USSR?.
