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Answering to micro-aggressions: the aggression-scale calibration

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Quote from Stef on October 5, 2020, 7:02 am

"Go push that button"

I would ignore him as if I were deaf, maybe do some facial expression to hint to him the reasson, until he ask me why, then I explain: I was waiting for the magic word (please), I will do it as if I find the situation funny and non serious, as if I were amused and entertained with his attempt to give me orders (as I would react to a cute small children trying to tell me what to do).

I'm just re-reading some of the responses on this thread, and I really like this one, because ignoring him would do many things:

  • It wouldn't be too rude in the instances where it is NOT a power move (the bottom two examples), yet I'm able to get my power back if it IS a power move.
  • Buy me time if I decide to respond
  • Puts social pressure on him

When it comes to power moves, I have a tendency to respond quickly. I usually already have a response before the other person completes their sentence if I know what they're going to say. Unfortunately, I've made some mistakes in the past by coming off overly aggressive to perceived power moves. Judging by the responses, I think this is probably not that common. But for those of you who do, learn to be ok with awkward silences, and slow down your speech. Let the other person finish before you respond.

For instances where I want or have to respond, I like both options of saying "no" or "why?". Simple, but effective.

@John Those videos seem interesting, I'll check them out.

Stef has reacted to this post.
Stef

good that you like it!

I also have to slow down:

Try, just for practice, one day (maybe a free day), as if you were inmortal and time did not mean anything to you, so no reasson to rush or do anything quickly (thinking quick, talking fast, walking speedy, etc)

just practice being extra deliberate and precise in every movement, even paying attention to the position and trajectory of your limbs through space, and your pose.

then re-calibrate to a more natural pace.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

I've got a guy one level down who wants my job.  There was a task assigned to me - needs doing but just a bubble away type job.  I made the plan.  He said to a manager he's close to, "I just want to call out that there's a line on your schedule that says this won't be delivered until November".  There wasn't such a line.

Double attack.  He's saying its 'my' schedule - i.e. I'm imposing it on people above me.

Obviously the other prong is that he's saying I'm dragging the chain on work that could be done.  He's tried to grab this work for himself previously as its around task management software.

I pointed out we'd formed the schedule as a team and committed to an earlier date than the one he'd mentioned and pointed out the priority work was different as we couldn't go back again for money (which this manager is paranoid about because she'd have to go).

Any better way of dealing?

Quote from Transitioned on October 10, 2020, 2:46 am

I've got a guy one level down who wants my job.  There was a task assigned to me - needs doing but just a bubble away type job.  I made the plan.  He said to a manager he's close to, "I just want to call out that there's a line on your schedule that says this won't be delivered until November".  There wasn't such a line.

Double attack.  He's saying its 'my' schedule - i.e. I'm imposing it on people above me.

Obviously the other prong is that he's saying I'm dragging the chain on work that could be done.  He's tried to grab this work for himself previously as its around task management software.

I pointed out we'd formed the schedule as a team and committed to an earlier date than the one he'd mentioned and pointed out the priority work was different as we couldn't go back again for money (which this manager is paranoid about because she'd have to go).

Any better way of dealing?

Hello Transitioned,

Welcome to the forum man!

Your questions sound like general power dynamics or work strategies, feel free to open a topic there (but as blitzing quick feedback: sounds like you handled it well).
Also a useful resource: effective (online) communication.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Sorry - new around here.  Will do.

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