Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Any good source on rebuilding a connection with an ex?
Just going through a breakup with a girl that I believe to be a mix of avoidance-anxious, she afraid to hurt me, afraid to hurt herself, we break up after our first fight when she start to say all the things she takes note of that I never thought she was even thinking cause she never show she was hurt by them at the moment... Later she apologize for that and wanted to break up and now we are not speaking for 3 weeks while she keeps taking tabs on me on social media and trying to make me massage her without reaching out... I still love her but I am afraid making this move makes me chasey consider she broke up with me... What do you guys think?
My view is that it's hard, perhaps impossible, to go back to a woman once she breaks up with you.
This is perhaps the most common piece of advice that you get from guys online/selfhelp book authors.
Couple counselors of course will have a different answer as their business depends on it.
From first principles, once you lose the respect of a woman it's hard to regain it. If you 'failed', she will remember those failures. A new woman you meet from scratch will start from zero. So it's easier to build something meaningful, a new relationship.
It's very hard to generalize as every relationship is different. How old is she? What was her connection to you?
Yeah, what LOF says makes sense.
Also, I'm missing a clear goal and objective in your question.
Do you want to get back with her?
Quote from leaderoffun on February 5, 2022, 3:34 pmMy view is that it's hard, perhaps impossible, to go back to a woman once she breaks up with you.
This is perhaps the most common piece of advice that you get from guys online/selfhelp book authors.
Couple counselors of course will have a different answer as their business depends on it.
From first principles, once you lose the respect of a woman it's hard to regain it. If you 'failed', she will remember those failures. A new woman you meet from scratch will start from zero. So it's easier to build something meaningful, a new relationship.
It's very hard to generalize as every relationship is different. How old is she? What was her connection to you?
Hi guys thx for replying,
We are both young, I'm 25 she's about 22, we had a very deep connection and I know how hard it was for her to open up since she really insecure and touchy inside (but pretend to be “chutzpah” from outside)
uote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 5, 2022, 9:55 pmYeah, what LOF says makes sense.
Also, I'm missing a clear goal and objective in your question.
Do you want to get back with her?
Yeah, I'm really bonded to her and I believe she's too I just hurt her feelings and she seems like can't open up to me again, honestly, I try to reach out to her 2 days ago after 3 weeks of no contact and it went awful, she angry at me for not reading her between her lines, for not reaching out 3 weeks, for reaching out now when I'm in pain and thinking about myself... She's so complicated I think even she doesn't understand herself...
Quote from TheDucas on February 5, 2022, 2:25 amJust going through a breakup with a girl that I believe to be a mix of avoidance-anxious.
Red flag.
I would recommend you to take some distance before making such a decision as "trying to win her back". Being kept on one's toes can be addictive (rewards with a random timing lead to a higher release of dopamine) but it's not the healthiest kind of relationship. If you want sex and/or connection you can have it with a girl with a good self-esteem and/or secure attachment.
