Quote from Emily on August 9, 2023, 8:12 pm

As John responded my other somewhat venting thread I thought it might be good to discuss the nature of events and the dynamics rather than making generalizations that don't feel very clear.

So recently at work I applied for a apprenticeship/group project which I came to know because this large national foundation was hosting a series of webinars and I attended some, and a while later I received a generic email from foundation staff soliciting me to apply for this apprenticeship. In their words, they found me through the attendees list for the webinars.

I think the apprenticeship is pretty relevant to my work and would be a big help so I studied what they wanted, asked my employer for financial support (which was granted), and spent hours on polishing the application. Recently I received another generic email saying that I didn't enter the first round of interview although I was "highly competitive". I felt that my efforts were a waste, since I had the credentials and history, as well as higher-up support from my workplace. I understand that this kind of process means inherently I am accepting their judge frame, but how indifferently they did this was still quite shocking. First they hoovered me in with very minimal effort, and then ditched me like nothing. By sending in another application the probably don't want (mine) they have the power to refuse. I'm wondering if anybody has any experience with application processes like this, and how could one increase the chances of being selected? I‘m often perplexed by the levels academic/government/nonprofit circles operate on, it all seems like a blackbox. Obviously they on the surface say something that's not helpful like, you are great but there's too much competition, or we look at this comprehensively and we encourage you to apply next year. I've realized that I'm done trying to play this kind of game because it seems that I never win but just still intrigued by how they operate - what comes into this sort of group politics? Can we ever know?

Another experience I'd like to share about: I once was looking for a hobby group and I found a small nonprofit organization who does the type of thing I'm interested in. I joined as a member and they have some type of scholarship basically you get access to their resources for free for a year. At that time I really needed it, and I was enthusiastic about it. However, I applied for it and I happened to reveal it to a friend, who has a bit more to show in that hobby than me, then she got the scholarship and I didn't get it. But she really didn't need it so she squandered the opportunity - which I felt pretty bummed about to be honest. Then the year after they asked me to help them with some volunteer work, I did. But the next year they asked me again and I refused, and I also stopped being a member since.

The thing is, sometimes if I feel disrespected in this process I don't have the motivation to continue with this kind of processes that don't have a clear algorithm (like a code I can crack). I've found this to be true for applying for jobs in big or hot companies - it is disempowering, disrespectful and utterly humiliating sometimes.

It doesn't feel good emotionally, but I was stubborn and felt that if I persisted long enough I probably will play the game better (sunken cost fallacy). I realized that I need to make more dramatic shifts in my life to find my own fulfillment. I'm not a fan of this "try hard and pray" strategy I've been using, and just wondering if there's any insight from you all who went through similar processes, did you ever feel that you know how it works than that you just lucked out (or not so lucky)?