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"Are you gay?" power move: what frame control technique?
Hello Lucio,
a friend of mine was telling another guy friend of him (supposedly friend, more like a frienemy) that he's not looking for a girlfriend. This guy told him: "are you becoming homosexual?". My friend was a little embarrassed and answered by amplifying with a high-pitched voice: "oh yeah baby, how do you know, blablabla" in a jokingly fashion.
After having done the frame module of the course, I believe this is not as good as something else he could have said as he stayed within the other guy frame.
What frame-control technique would you use in this situation?
This plays into the classical attacks towards a male: about his masculinity ("are you a real man?") or his sexuality. Do you have a general opinion on these attacks?
Yeah, you totally got that one right.
Definitely not the best way of dealing with it.
One, he remains within the attacker's frame.
Two, he is jokingly saying he's becoming gay -and there is always an element of truth in jokes-.
Third, he even comes across like a dick and an idiot in case there is any gay person in the group.
What frame would you use, John?
I might probably go with a simple one-across, take one second of pause and reply "why would you say that".
It's a nonsense proposition that one who is not looking for a girlfriend is becoming gay, so give him a chance to lose social status by himself, without you making the job for him.
Thank you for your answer!
Well, I had no idea what frame I would use. For me this knowledge is very new so I don't have yet the right way of thinking about frames. Before, I was using frames unconsciously or semi-consciously. So it's a new phase of learning for me.
- Realize what is the frame.
- Choose how to respond.
This is where I'm at. Before I was just frozen when somebody would use a covert agressive frame towards me. So I'm at the step where I realize I can respond to all attacks. I have the wits to do it. Before I was just letting people walk over me and get away with it. I was not aware that there were so many power moves in daily life. I'll post a few recent examples of how I dealt with it.
