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Avoidants Keeping Strong Boundaries - Is This Healthy or Unhealthy?

Quote from ThePowerMoves' Article, 9 Easy Signs of Avoidant Attachment Style (From of An Avoidant)

5. Keeps Strong Boundaries

Avoidant types need their space and, when you cross them, they become passive aggressiveor aggressive (and, more rarely, assertive).

Here are signs of avoidant boundaries:

  • “my things”, “your things”
  • Wants to keep his family, friends, colleagues and partner as separate entities
  • Has a strong preference for either his place or your place

I was thinking about this point.

Keeping strong boundaries seems to be healthy if it is done in an assertive manner.
As such, I'm not very sure if this is a good or bad point about avoidants.
If it's done in a passive aggressive or aggressive manner, I would say that it's definitely not a healthy approach.

For example, when I evaluate some potential danger of mixing work and personal relationships, I keep my colleagues/business partners separate from my friends and family as well.
I prefer not sharing some of my things as well, especially things that I need for my daily routines.

Maybe this means avoidants go more extreme.
Even if a colleague could potentially become a good friend, he would not consider that but maintains that strong boundary facade.

 

I think that those attachment styles apply mostly to relationships, rather than friendships and partnerships.

Keeping strong boundaries seems to be healthy if it is done in an assertive manner.
As such, I'm not very sure if this is a good or bad point about avoidants.

I think it's all contextual and it's neither good, nor bad -bar extreme of course, where it's often "not optimal" on either side of the extreme-.

If you decide to be in a relationship with someone and that person seeks more intimacy and a shared life, then the "my / yours" doesn't fit well there.
If you're having a relationship where everyone stays at their own place, pay for their own stuff, or even simply gives freely but while still avoiding the "everything is shared" approach, then it's not an issue.

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Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for the feedback, Lucio.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on March 3, 2021, 3:44 pm

I think that those attachment styles apply mostly to relationships, rather than friendships and partnerships.

  • Wants to keep his family, friends, colleagues and partner as separate entities

I was wondering about this point from the article.
Maybe I interpreted this point not very accurately.
Does it mean that an avoidant would tend to not introduce his partner to his family, friends and colleagues?

It could be interpreted as an avoidant would tend to keep his family, friends, colleagues and partner out of one anothers' lives.
And that this is a sign that a person is an avoidant.

Yes, that's my understanding of it: keeping separate spheres.

That way, it feels like he's got more control over the different spheres.
When everyone knows everyone, the world around all connected, and all united around you. That feels like it's more impinging on your persona, with less freedom to move from one silo to another.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?