Banker scene in Scarface: how emotional detachment helps you achieve your goal
(lays his terms, blame-shifts to an external party when he says "I have no other choice")
Tony: (yelling and aggressive) FUCK YOU MAN, FUCK YOU. I fly the cash myself to the Bahamas
Banker: (ignores the aggressive tone) once maybe, then what. You're gonna trust some monkey in the Bahamas with 20 million of your hard-earned dollars? (goes at the core of the issue: he's expensive but provides peace of mind) Come on Tony, don't be a schmuck
(...)
Banker: How's life treating you (starts bridging to collaborative frames)
Tony: better than you are (he's starting to accept the new terms)
Banker: (laughs, empowers Tony by welcoming his humor) say hello to the princess for me will you (covert tasking, re-takes the lead), she's beautiful (Tony is under her spell and he plays it right to him)
Tony: OK
Banker: (extends hand to confirms the collaborative frame, Tony follows his lead) I'll see ya. Take care
Tony: you too (comes around, the banker handled a cold-blooded like a Buddhist monk would handle a baby with a temper tantrum)
The banker is far from perfect though.
If anyone wants to try to guess what's missing here, this is more advanced and it's exactly where the social intelligence / intuition kicks in.
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I would cut out the condescending tone from the banker and go for speaking strong & slow in a neutral tone.
I would focus on building trust and how much better the bank services are than doing it yourself:
Tony: (yelling and aggressive) FUCK YOU MAN, FUCK YOU. I fly the cash myself to the Bahamas
Banker: You can. (agree & redirect)
But think about how feasible is it for you to do it in the long-term. (let him think about the challenges of doing it himself or finding some other party)
You run a big business.
Would you like to spend your time transporting, storing and finding people to trust with your money?
(I think indirect flattery works because I think Tony has a big ego while highlighting how he has lots of things to do)
It's dirty work but we're the best at it. (it's tedious work, we're good so leave it to us)
We've been doing this for years and on a large scale. (build your authority)
Have you ever needed to worry when trusting us with your money? (if the relationship has been good so far, why not highlight it?)
On a side note, I've no idea why the font turns blue for the banker reply.
I put it as black.
Exactly, he comes across as haughty and with a feeling of superiority.
Plus, very "salesy" and sleazy.
Low in trust.
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There are two points that are essential I think.
1. There is no reason to insult the guy with "let me explain something to you" like he was an idiot, it just breaks rapport.
2. He started talking about his problems "I got stockholders I got to be responsible for" and etc. but most people just don't give a shit what problems do you have, they are interested in their own problems, you should start with how it's essential and why choosing the bigger price will be advantageous in the end.
Rising your voice is also never a good thing, it created conflict and the other person feels entitled to defend even if he is wrong.
If he said with empathy why situation is like this and avoided two errors I highlighted above he would never reach the other person saying "FUCK YOU MAN, FUCK YOU. I fly the cash myself to the Bahamas" and that's important, because it's hard to recover from situation like this in the first place.
Great points, DGX37.
Personally, I think that mentioning your own problems can be a good move though.
Keep in mind that many people have no idea of your own obligations + have a tendency to think that they have it hard, and others have it easier (see for example the latest thread from Mitch on people asking him for money, who probably think they're the only ones struggling and he's living the easy life).
Also, those frames can become power moves to sway negotiations, as in "you're greedy and bad (so it's fair for me to demand more and more)".
But when you show that you have your own obligations, struggles, and costs, you dismantle that unspoken frame and the negotiation tends to be smoother for you (and for both, actually).
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