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Be above it: let yourself be manipulated!
Hello guys,
quite a provocative title, I know. My point is that I realized that if someone is manipulating you, that you're aware of the manipulation and that it does not bother you, let yourself be manipulated. But you take note of it.
Example: somebody manipulates you do something that has not cost to you but is a benefit to them.
What's the benefit to do this?
You now know the person's manipulative tendencies, you avoided making an enemy and they think you are manipulable. You gave up a little to gain a lot. In the upcoming exchange you can still pretend not to see the manipulative tendencies and
Sometimes, resisting the manipulation for a marginal or no gain is not worth it.
This is where I'm going more and more: being above it. To be pissed off and then to feel bitter and angry to say to oneself all-pissed off and bitter: "I'm above it" vs staying calm, seeing it and saying "I'm above it" are two different things.
It's like when a child is trying to make you believe something. You go along. You don't say: "you manipulative lier! I know there is no magical cookie in the sky."
Same thing. But to do this, you need detachment.
100%, John!
Great thread, and maybe I should make a specific note for this on PU as well.
The way I see it, learning power dynamics (or advanced social skills) is 50% for reading others, their intentions, and their psychological makeup, and "only" the other 50% for actual "active use", as either self-defense, or for achieving goals.
Many times when you spot a game player the best thing you can do is let it go over you like water off a duck's back, make a mental note, and then either cut that person out, or never enter into a meaningful relationship with them.
Something else I might consider is to potentially warn close friends about that person, just so they don't get taken advantage of (but that's not always possible).
In the upcoming exchange you can still pretend not to see the manipulative tendencies and
John the idea seems incompleted
This is a very astute idea to unmask manipulators and let them dig their own grave by giving them enough rope to hang themselves, and take them by surprise, or a type of scorched-earth tactic.
It makes sense in a social setting. Often a friend will want somebody to go with to an event and it might not fit your schedule so they'll try and use herd tactics on a group chat. They're a friend so you might just go along. At work there's normally some cost even if its just increasing the influence of a manipulative person that you'll have to deal with at some point.
Yes that’s why I meant at no cost for you otherwise it’s a lose-win dynamics and one should defend.
