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Be specific when setting up the date: leave no room for confusion

#1 · July 12, 2020, 9:52 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 12, 2020, 9:52 am
Before you meet a woman properly, your bond is very tenuous.
A small mistake or confusion can be enough to sidetrack an interaction and a date-planning.
That's why it's always a good idea not to text too absent-mindedly.
This is an example of an actual text convo:
[Lucio] [11:38 PM] Well done, you deserved it. Maybe we can celebrate with a drink one of these days
[Her] [2:33 AM] Sure~of course!
[Lucio] [10:28 AM] Cool, how does your schedule look?
[Lucio] [10:28 AM] For me, we can either these days around Honkuk (many nice bars and cafes) or next week around Hongdae
(I know that Honkuk is far away, so I give two options while trying to build up my current location because earlier is always better than later)
[Lucio] [10:28 AM] Let me know what you prefer
[Her] [10:38 AM] I think hongdae is more convenience but I have appointment today (흑흑)(흑흑) how about the other day? or tomorrow?
(So far, great. But I'm not sure she understood that tomorrow would mean a far away location, and I'm not willing to date far away. So I specify better):
[Lucio] [10:40 AM] Then we could do Wednesday at Hongdae, or tomorrow around Honkuk University
[Her] [10:42 AM] Okay Honkuk is not bad choose haha
[Lucio] [10:42 AM] Yeah, it's actually very cute
(so far, it seems to be going great. She accepts the earlier option in spite it's inconvenient for her. Now my mistake)
[Lucio] [11:00 AM] So around 5-6pm, that works for you?
(I forget to specify the word "tomorrow". Might seem a small detail and 85/100 it shouldn't have been an issue. But there is always that 15%)
[Her] [2:44 PM] Yes of courses but not today
(She say "no" to something that wasn't even an option.
It's not a true refusal of our date, but any refusal at this point is going to color the whole interaction.
Too much talking around the date-setting can also make the girl self-conscious, especially if she has already done a lot to accommodate your schedule and your location)
[Her] [2:44 PM] Hahaha
[Lucio] [3:04 PM] Yeah, today wasn't even an option :)
(I'm worried her refusal could weigh against us, so I seek to recover points by taking the option she refused off the table. But it was a potentially unneeded text. Too defensive, rapport-breaking, and only expanded the misunderstanding)
[Lucio] [3:04 PM] I'm talking about tomorrow
(I should have phrased the message in a way she only had to say yes. For example: "we're talking about tomorrow. Tomorrow at 5pm, good for you?
And small detail: I could have used "we")

And that's how it ended.
Overall, there is a lot nitpicking here because this is actually really small stuff.
It would be utterly inconsequential with a girlfriend, a friend, a girl from social circle, or even a girl I had just dated once and not become lover with.
But early dating with strangers or semi-strangers is made or broken around small stuff.
That's how dating and relationships differ: once you're in a relationship, even abuse will often not be enough to end a relationship. But early on even a small pebble -or pure happenstance- can determine whether or not you are going to meet and potentially become lovers.

Before you meet a woman properly, your bond is very tenuous.

A small mistake or confusion can be enough to sidetrack an interaction and a date-planning.
That's why it's always a good idea not to text too absent-mindedly.

This is an example of an actual text convo:

[Lucio] [11:38 PM] Well done, you deserved it. Maybe we can celebrate with a drink one of these days
[Her] [2:33 AM] Sure~of course!
[Lucio] [10:28 AM] Cool, how does your schedule look?
[Lucio] [10:28 AM] For me, we can either these days around Honkuk (many nice bars and cafes) or next week around Hongdae

(I know that Honkuk is far away, so I give two options while trying to build up my current location because earlier is always better than later)

[Lucio] [10:28 AM] Let me know what you prefer

[Her] [10:38 AM] I think hongdae is more convenience but I have appointment today (흑흑)(흑흑) how about the other day? or tomorrow?

(So far, great. But I'm not sure she understood that tomorrow would mean a far away location, and I'm not willing to date far away. So I specify better):

[Lucio] [10:40 AM] Then we could do Wednesday at Hongdae, or tomorrow around Honkuk University
[Her] [10:42 AM] Okay Honkuk is not bad choose haha
[Lucio] [10:42 AM] Yeah, it's actually very cute

(so far, it seems to be going great. She accepts the earlier option in spite it's inconvenient for her. Now my mistake)

[Lucio] [11:00 AM] So around 5-6pm, that works for you?

(I forget to specify the word "tomorrow". Might seem a small detail and 85/100 it shouldn't have been an issue. But there is always that 15%)

[Her] [2:44 PM] Yes of courses but not today

(She say "no" to something that wasn't even an option.
It's not a true refusal of our date, but any refusal at this point is going to color the whole interaction.
Too much talking around the date-setting can also make the girl self-conscious, especially if she has already done a lot to accommodate your schedule and your location)

[Her] [2:44 PM] Hahaha
[Lucio] [3:04 PM] Yeah, today wasn't even an option :)

(I'm worried her refusal could weigh against us, so I seek to recover points by taking the option she refused off the table. But it was a potentially unneeded text. Too defensive, rapport-breaking, and only expanded the misunderstanding)

[Lucio] [3:04 PM] I'm talking about tomorrow

(I should have phrased the message in a way she only had to say yes. For example: "we're talking about tomorrow. Tomorrow at 5pm, good for you?
And small detail: I could have used "we")

And that's how it ended.

Overall, there is a lot nitpicking here because this is actually really small stuff.
It would be utterly inconsequential with a girlfriend, a friend, a girl from social circle, or even a girl I had just dated once and not become lover with.

But early dating with strangers or semi-strangers is made or broken around small stuff.

That's how dating and relationships differ: once you're in a relationship, even abuse will often not be enough to end a relationship. But early on even a small pebble -or pure happenstance- can determine whether or not you are going to meet and potentially become lovers.

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