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Becoming a high-quality man

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Quote from John Freeman on January 22, 2021, 10:00 pm

As said in the thank yous post, I noticed this week the following things:

  1. As it is clearer to me what is high quality, I now use it in my conversations with people as a way to separate "us" from "them". Not in the sense of high-quality vs low-quality, but more in the taker vs non-taker. I do not hesitate now to speak about bad mental health in my profession with people who have a good mental health: I worked hard to improve mine BTW, so no judgment here but now I don't want to be around people with a bad mental health. I also speak about manipulation and takers with people who are not manipulative nor takers. That's the "us" vs "them". Some people are going to take advantage of us and we have to inform one another about these people. A sense of solidarity for people who want to have a positive and enjoyable life and want to be surrounded by people like that.

I like this approach, John.

It serves several functions at once:

  1. Compliment / mutual build-up
  2. Collaborative frame
  3. Positive screen that increases both individuals' value: "I only accept good people, and you might be one of them"
  4. Wisdom giving: I do this because I think it's a good idea, maybe you can do the same

 

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John Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Some time ago I addressed the following criticism on the "high-quality man" identity: I was not sure it was anti-fragile. I'm still not sure yet. I haven't thought too much about it.

However, I think I have found the solution to this dilemma. To mix the "learner" identity, which is anti-fragile with the "high-quality man" identity. That makes:

Higher-quality man

That means, that one will focus on becoming higher-quality. Therefore, it removes the problem from the fixed mindset that could go with "I am a high-quality man (so I don't have to do anything more)".

So the goal is to focus on becoming higher-quality. This still gives a target and a vision for the mind.

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Thumbs up for the idea.

A somewhat similar approach for those who've been working on themselves for a while could be:

I'm probably already higher quality than the average, but my real goal is moving forward.

And then building one's own ego on self-esteem on the second part, rather than the former.

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Matthew WhitewoodJohn Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Something else I noticed: when you're becoming higher quality you obtain higher status and therefore more power.

What do I mean? I'm talking about self-development here. If through your own introspection and behavior change, you become kinder, wiser, stronger, more patient, etc. People will recognize that you have more ability than they do in this regard. People always do. When you meet someone who's very funny or strong you recognize it, right?

So that gives you higher status. Now does it gives you automatically more power?

No, because if you're not power-aware, people will rob you of this status and power. They will shoot you down even if you're flying higher if you're not able to power-protect.

That is what I noticed in my own experience. I am more or less the same person than when I started this journey with PU about 9 months ago. More or less. But because I'm more socially skilled and more power-aware, I can better capitalize on my skills and qualities.

This is the same concept as external vs internal layers. If people are not willing to go through your external layers to your internal layers, you cannot capitalize on your inner work.

Same with power, if you're not able to power-protect, then you're not able to capitalize on all the work you did on your self-development. You're a saint, but you're harmless. If you are the best person ever but people can stomp on you. Then you are virtuous but weak.

My point is that becoming power-aware is a step that allows you to capitalize on your self-development.

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Lucio Buffalmano

Very good observation, John.

So power dynamics skills become an enabler of personal qualities.
It makes sense.

That's the mistake that some people commit when they say "the cream (naturally) raises to the top" from the other thread, or when some gurus/authors advise to" just work hard" or "give value", and the results will (automatically) arrive.

No, they won't automatically arrive.

Those skills and that value needs to be delivered within the context of someone who knows how and when to get or demand value back, how to defend from status and power takers, and even how to deliver that value to get the biggest bang for the buck.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 24, 2021, 4:19 pm

So power dynamics skills become an enabler of personal qualities.

Very well summarized.

That's the mistake that some people commit when they say "the cream (naturally) raises to the top" from the other thread, or when some gurus/authors advise to" just work hard" or "give value", and the results will (automatically) arrive.

No, they won't automatically arrive.

That was my mindset mistake and got me a little bitter. Now I know that I'm working on the right things and will get the rewards I deserve. I think it was right to heal my mind and my life in the first place. I would not change anything. What I learned is that the time is now for me to go to the next level. From emotional independance to emotional interdependance. That is an important stage as an adult. To be ok to have others depend on you (example: leadership, parenthood, etc.) and to be ok to depend on others (significant other, coworkers, etc.). That is an important step towards maturity. To take our place in the human network. Not too much, nor too little. Give AND Take. I think maturity is a lot about balancing one's character. But that is another topic altogether.

Those skills and that value needs to be delivered within the context of someone who knows how and when to get or demand value back, how to defend from status and power takers, and even how to deliver that value to get the biggest bang for the buck.

Boom. Just boom. This might not be the tagline, but this should appear not too far from it. I think these sentences should be the ones the visiter of the site reads not long after having entered it.

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Thank you John! This is very helpful feedback.

Sometimes I'd fall for the bias of thinking that something is part of The Power Moves "fabric", but that's personal bias instead. How are people supposed to know, if you don't spell it out?

I'll be adding something along those lines in the "Start Here" section, and maybe the "about" section.

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Matthew WhitewoodJohn Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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