Being assertive with guy calling names.

25 Posts

Empowered Member

#1 · May 23, 2023, 12:59 am

Quote from Power duck on May 23, 2023, 12:59 am
Hello, guys.

A couple days ago a friend of mine added me to a whatsapp group so we can talk and hang out. In that group there are some guys I dont know, and today and the day I was added I had interesting interactions with one of his friends. I think its worth posting it here.

I´ve only seen this guy in particular one time and barely talked to him that time, he seems to be a jester kind of guy.

This guy will be Robert but his friends call him Rb, the name he called me would be Donald.

So here is how the interaction went:

The other day

Power duck joins the group

Robert: Whos the new guy

Power duck: -Sends a pic while lying in bed with a funny face-

Robert: Donald?

Power duck: -Sends sticker of a dog with a face of wtf just happened-

Robert:-Sends a sticker that says "thats crazy"-

Friend A: -To Robert- what are you talking about xd, he´s Power duck.

Power duck: What a crazy guy this Rb is hahah.

(Click on the text to amplify)

Today.

Power duck: -shares comment to Friend A about a show thats really bad-

Robert: Donald chill out.

Power duck: Damn what a guy this Rb is. (I dont know if it can be used the same way in english as its used in spanish but with this I mean that he´s a nuisance.)

Robert: I know Im hot.

Power duck: Hahaha, I want the sh*t that you smoke.

Robert: I smoke the weed that Friend A gives me.

Power duck: Keep it for you then.

(Click on the text to amplify)

I thought that I wasnt solving anything by playing low value turkey games so I decided to go assertive in a private chat and see for myself what kind of guy he is.

Today

Power duck: Hey, I know you are joking but dont call me names or anything like that. I dont know you that much and its a bit weird.

Robert: Who are you. (I was writing my following text message when he answered with that)

Power duck: Anyways I know we are going to get along really well as both of us like to joke around. 🙂 (Sets collaborative frame)

Robert: Ah, yeah youre the guy from the group. I mean I dont say it to offend you or anything, its just that I didnt knew if you were the friend from Guy 1 that acted as Donald or something like that. The thing is that I confuse people a lot.

(This is an obvious half assed apology.

I think that the way in which he adresses me disempowers me, as he doesnt even bother to use my name, which can be seen next to my phone number when I send texts. Moreover he texts me a "who are you" meaning that im not even worth remembering.

I decide to ignore and not thread expand his "apology".)

Power duck: Name´s Power duck buddy. And yours? Because I doubt Rb is your name, I can call you Rb if you prefer it though.

(I shouldnt have said this. Saying my name was enough to uncover his nastiness so asking him his name wasnt necessary at all, in fact it was a bad move from my part, and makes me look submissive)

Robert: -elaborates on his name and why they call him Rb-

Power duck: -sends ok emoji-

Robert: I have a mess Im my head, who is the one that makes Donald then? Jeez what a mess I have.

Robert: Well buddy Im sorry, I love you a lot.

Power duck: Nice to meet you Rb. Im not gay but I can make an exception.

(This was a bad move from my part. I should have ignored his "joke" and replied with a "cool", or simply ignoring him, and the nice to meet you wasnt necessary, although i think it uncovers his lack of courstesy.

I added that Im not gay but.... because I thought it would be a good respond, I didnt think it too much to be honest)

Robert: -Sends laughing emojis-

(Click on the text to amplify)

Any thoughts that could be helpful on how I couldve handled this?

Cheers.

Pd:

Added click on the text... because after posting I noticed that some blockquotes looked like as if there wasnt anything to amplify.

Hello, guys.

A couple days ago a friend of mine added me to a whatsapp group so we can talk and hang out. In that group there are some guys I dont know, and today and the day I was added I had interesting interactions with one of his friends. I think its worth posting it here.

I´ve only seen this guy in particular one time and barely talked to him that time, he seems to be a jester kind of guy.

This guy will be Robert but his friends call him Rb, the name he called me would be Donald.

So here is how the interaction went:

The other day

Power duck joins the group

Robert: Whos the new guy

Power duck: -Sends a pic while lying in bed with a funny face-

Robert: Donald?

Power duck: -Sends sticker of a dog with a face of wtf just happened-

Robert:-Sends a sticker that says "thats crazy"-

Friend A: -To Robert- what are you talking about xd, he´s Power duck.

Power duck: What a crazy guy this Rb is hahah.

(Click on the text to amplify)

Today.

Power duck: -shares comment to Friend A about a show thats really bad-

Robert: Donald chill out.

Power duck: Damn what a guy this Rb is. (I dont know if it can be used the same way in english as its used in spanish but with this I mean that he´s a nuisance.)

Robert: I know Im hot.

Power duck: Hahaha, I want the sh*t that you smoke.

Robert: I smoke the weed that Friend A gives me.

Power duck: Keep it for you then.

(Click on the text to amplify)

I thought that I wasnt solving anything by playing low value turkey games so I decided to go assertive in a private chat and see for myself what kind of guy he is.

Today

Power duck: Hey, I know you are joking but dont call me names or anything like that. I dont know you that much and its a bit weird.

Robert: Who are you. (I was writing my following text message when he answered with that)

Power duck: Anyways I know we are going to get along really well as both of us like to joke around. 🙂 (Sets collaborative frame)

Robert: Ah, yeah youre the guy from the group. I mean I dont say it to offend you or anything, its just that I didnt knew if you were the friend from Guy 1 that acted as Donald or something like that. The thing is that I confuse people a lot.

(This is an obvious half assed apology.

I think that the way in which he adresses me disempowers me, as he doesnt even bother to use my name, which can be seen next to my phone number when I send texts. Moreover he texts me a "who are you" meaning that im not even worth remembering.

I decide to ignore and not thread expand his "apology".)

Power duck: Name´s Power duck buddy. And yours? Because I doubt Rb is your name, I can call you Rb if you prefer it though.

(I shouldnt have said this. Saying my name was enough to uncover his nastiness so asking him his name wasnt necessary at all, in fact it was a bad move from my part, and makes me look submissive)

Robert: -elaborates on his name and why they call him Rb-

Power duck: -sends ok emoji-

Robert: I have a mess Im my head, who is the one that makes Donald then? Jeez what a mess I have.

Robert: Well buddy Im sorry, I love you a lot.

Power duck: Nice to meet you Rb. Im not gay but I can make an exception.

(This was a bad move from my part. I should have ignored his "joke" and replied with a "cool", or simply ignoring him, and the nice to meet you wasnt necessary, although i think it uncovers his lack of courstesy.

I added that Im not gay but.... because I thought it would be a good respond, I didnt think it too much to be honest)

Robert: -Sends laughing emojis-

(Click on the text to amplify)

Any thoughts that could be helpful on how I couldve handled this?

Cheers.

Pd:

Added click on the text... because after posting I noticed that some blockquotes looked like as if there wasnt anything to amplify.

Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,595 Posts

#2 · May 23, 2023, 9:46 pm

Hello Power duck,

Quick feedback on how to make the most out of the forum:

Pick one question, with one interaction.

Because, frankly, I'm not even sure what to comment on here :D.

So I'll pick something random to give feedback on (focusing on the possible bits to improve to give the most value):

I wouldn't send a pic of myself in a new group chat: too high investment. Plus, most Gs tend to be more privacy-concerned (but you're younger, so it's not as big an issue in that age group)
- Plus, it felt like you were working in overdrive to identify yourself after that guy's question
"keep it for you then" felt off, like I didn't see a reason to say that, felt too curt/rapport breaking without a reason (but you know better)
Don't say "I know we'll get along really well": you don't know that for sure, so it feels like an exaggeration/lie, and too kissing up too. If you must say so, say "I think"
Too friendly too soon after you enforced boundaries: Good idea to go collaborative after you enforced boundaries, but it was too quick and too friendly with the "I know", like you almost wanted to get it back immediately. Let it sit for a while instead, or go collaborative without being TOO chummy ("don't offer bitten hand too soon" principle)

Overall though: all good.

Making new friends, socializing, trying new things and learning.
Great.
Also go out and meet them in person: even better learning.

Jack, Kavalier and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Power duck@power-duck

25 PostsTopic Author

Empowered Member

#3 · May 23, 2023, 10:08 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 23, 2023, 9:46 pm

Hello Power duck,

Quick feedback on how to make the most out of the forum:

Pick one question, with one interaction.

Because, frankly, I'm not even sure what to comment on here :D.

So I'll pick something random to give feedback on (focusing on the possible bits to improve to give the most value):

I wouldn't send a pic of myself in a new group chat: too high investment. Plus, most Gs tend to be more privacy-concerned (but you're younger, so it's not as big an issue in that age group)

Plus, it felt like you were working in overdrive to identify yourself after that guy's question

"keep it for you then" felt off, like I didn't see a reason to say that, felt too curt/rapport breaking without a reason (but you know better)

Don't say "I know we'll get along really well": you don't know that for sure, so it feels like an exaggeration/lie, and too kissing up too. If you must say so, say "I think"

Too friendly too soon after you enforced boundaries: Good idea to go collaborative after you enforced boundaries, but it was too quick and too friendly with the "I know", like you almost wanted to get it back immediately. Let it sit for a while instead, or go collaborative without being TOO chummy ("don't offer bitten hand too soon" principle)

Overall though: all good.

Making new friends, socializing, trying new things and learning.
Great.
Also go out and meet them in person: even better learning.

Thanks for the feedback Lucio. 🙂

I'll try to be more precise next time.

Cheers

Lucio Buffalmano and Jack have reacted to this post.