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Being condescending as stock self-defence one-up

#1 · September 29, 2022, 9:01 pm

Quote from melontonin on September 29, 2022, 9:01 pm
I hope you're all doing good. I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on something I'm going to trial. I've been wondering what the most congruent all-purpose self-defence line could be for me and I think the one that works best is repeating whatever they said in a condescending voice followed by "okay mate." For example:
THEM: "You look like a little bitch."
ME: "(Smirking) I look like a little bitch? (Condescending Tone) Okay mate."
From that point on you can do other things like attack back or focus on their tone but as an immediate response it seems to work very well.
Another example:
THEM: "Only pretentious douchebags like those kind of films"
ME: "(Smirking) Only pretentious douchebags like those kind of films? (Condescending tone) Okay mate. I don't mind talking to you about my opinions but I don't appreciate your tone. (Focus on tone not content) If you want me to explain it then don't speak to me like I'm a dickhead. (Assertive boundary)
My thinking is that the power of it comes from the subtext and implication that you can see why the other person is lesser than you without even needing to say it. For example, with the pretentious douchebag one, the subtext of replying "(smirking) only pretentious douchebags like movies like that? (Condescending Tone) Okay mate." might be "this person is too stupid and uncultured to appreciate art." Or with the other one the subtext could be "this person is clearly very insecure about his masculinity so he's taking it out on me." The point is that even if you don't hold consciously have that belief about them, it implies that you do negating the need to even come with a good comeback. In other words, it frames you as above them without even needing to justify why because it implies that you secretly know why they're lesser than you.
At the same time though I don't know if it'd potentially create too much bad blood and make people perceive me as arrogant. I used to use this tactic a lot as a kid to my brother and my dad and it'd piss them off but in hindsight I wonder whether that was because of how effective it was at counteracting their power moves.
Thanks in advance for any opinions and responses. Peace and love.

I hope you're all doing good. I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on something I'm going to trial. I've been wondering what the most congruent all-purpose self-defence line could be for me and I think the one that works best is repeating whatever they said in a condescending voice followed by "okay mate." For example:

THEM: "You look like a little bitch."

ME: "(Smirking) I look like a little bitch? (Condescending Tone) Okay mate."

From that point on you can do other things like attack back or focus on their tone but as an immediate response it seems to work very well.

Another example:

THEM: "Only pretentious douchebags like those kind of films"

ME: "(Smirking) Only pretentious douchebags like those kind of films? (Condescending tone) Okay mate. I don't mind talking to you about my opinions but I don't appreciate your tone. (Focus on tone not content) If you want me to explain it then don't speak to me like I'm a dickhead. (Assertive boundary)

My thinking is that the power of it comes from the subtext and implication that you can see why the other person is lesser than you without even needing to say it. For example, with the pretentious douchebag one, the subtext of replying "(smirking) only pretentious douchebags like movies like that? (Condescending Tone) Okay mate." might be "this person is too stupid and uncultured to appreciate art." Or with the other one the subtext could be "this person is clearly very insecure about his masculinity so he's taking it out on me." The point is that even if you don't hold consciously have that belief about them, it implies that you do negating the need to even come with a good comeback. In other words, it frames you as above them without even needing to justify why because it implies that you secretly know why they're lesser than you.

At the same time though I don't know if it'd potentially create too much bad blood and make people perceive me as arrogant. I used to use this tactic a lot as a kid to my brother and my dad and it'd piss them off but in hindsight I wonder whether that was because of how effective it was at counteracting their power moves.

Thanks in advance for any opinions and responses. Peace and love.

#2 · October 20, 2022, 11:10 am

Yeah, it can "work" great -as you found out-.

The important downside is that it can drag you down to turkey-spirals as people enter into a semi-toxic spiral of being hurt, then seeking revenge by hurting you more, etc .etc.

It's still OK for some online "dialogues" with nicknames you'll never see again, and then you simply stop interacting.

But with people in your life it's much better to deal with it heads-on, more openly and directly -"being straight", part of soaring higher as a eagle, rather than stooping down-.

Also, man, I recommend reading the guidelines in the signature.
And of course, not sure if you can afford PU, but I recommend going through the foundational articles and the various "start here" pages.

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