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Being disempowered vs Getting what you want
Hello everyone,
I want to stress something that I learned from Lucio here:
”Being disempowered matters less than getting what you want”
It’s a small change in mindset but the consequences are huge.
Cheers!
Yep, thank you for the mention and reminder, John.
An all-important concept.
Of course sometimes, may be even often, ther's an overlap between gaining power and achieving your goals, but, importantly, not always -and, probably, the two misalign more often than many would think-.
And that is all the more true in smaller and more inconsequential social exchanges -including strangers, people you don't respect, people who don't really matter to you, non-public exchanges, etc. etc.-.
An important difference is that while power-up/disempowered doesn't always perfectly align with your goal, it always aligns with ego.
So we go back to the fundamentals of mental self-development, antifragile ego, detachment, etc.
So we go back to the fundamentals of mental self-development, antifragile ego, detachment, etc.
Exactly.
I'll give an example where this was handy.
I asked a resident physician in orthopaedics (pair, equal on paper, but they think they're superior) for a consult. He comes in late after I call him twice. I learned from him how to examine a back for scoliosis (measure, etc.) but he treated me like a subordinate and tasked me in front of my patient. The truth is that I am the one tasking him by asking him a consult, so there was a role reversal. It was public. However, I (and especially the patient) got my consult and I learned a valuable skill that I use daily now.
So it was worth it to be disempowered for 5 min to learn a skill that I will be using during my whole career. It was a cheap price to pay. I was ok with the situation and now I know he's a game player (new intel). So this disempowering was fair price.
It's like the question that was asked some time ago on the forum: how to react quick when being disempowered. Well, if you can: good. If you cannot: good as well as you learned precious intel on the person regarding their character and will be able to react better next time.
Remember: you're a learner. The learner only cares about learning and growth.
Had an interesting example of this in social interaction last night. Had this guy who I've mentioned is a good friend of a good friend and seems to love to put me down. Concentrated last night on talking on what he wanted to. Asking him questions to keep convo going and bringing other people into the convo he was leading. Low power but it made for a much more pleasant night. This guy has a kid with cerebral palsy so I'm more than happy to let him be large and in charge if that helps his stress levels. And we learnt something - he's got a great cheap coffee maker - we're off to buy one today.
Quote from Transitioned on August 21, 2022, 5:38 amAsking him questions to keep convo going and bringing other people into the convo he was leading.
This was good man.
Let's not forget there's an in-between here: rather than simply accepting being disempowered, you can avoid making it a war, but you can still lead and/or self-defend.
By bringing people in, you were also leading, and added value -and, probably, even helped the group not be taken hostage by that guy if he was the type to always talk every time and never engaging others-.
