Former Community – We Moved
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Cafe Owner Claiming Territory Relatively Far Away From Her Cafe Near to Another Cafe I Bought From
Today I bought tea at a cafe and sat down to what I thought were chairs and tables belonging to the same cafe owner.
Little did I know that another cafe owner regarded that this chair and table belonged to her.
It was so much nearer to the cafe where I bought the tea from.
Basically, I was stunned when she approached me:
Her: (name of cafe) is over there.
You have to shift.Me: I'm sorry. I'll move.
I think I was overly submissive.
I wanted to move and not start any trouble because I didn't evaluate where I stand at that moment.
However, I believe that the cafe owner was pulling a power move at the macro level and micro level:
- Putting chairs and tables right beside your competitor's cafe
- It is arguable that the chair and table were in a public space.
It was outside her cafe.
The other cafe was more like the cafe in the middle public space owning a part of the public space.
So, it seems that the chair and table belonged to the cafe where I bought my tea. - On a micro level with me, she was rude.
So I should draw a line in the sand.
It builts upon my mental training to not let people pull random power moves on me.
I should have said something like
Her: (name of cafe) is over there.
You have to shift.Me: I'll move.
Though it's not obvious that this chair and table belong to you.
I learnt this from the other thread on going higher level and caring about social etiquette.
Go from "I don't like that you are chasing me out" to "Well, if this doesn't really seem like your space, should people really move?".
Very interesting case study.
I wouldn't have minded here going more direct:
You: Maybe these are your chairs, and I respect people's property (begins to move), but that doesn't mean you need to be rude about it.
Or taking time:
You: hey, hi, and who are you?
Also a "money power move" here in the sense of leveraging money for power could have worked:
You: wonderful! May I see your menu please? (now she's going to act for you)
Order a water.
Or for double the power, something expensive, and leave it completely untouched -or pay even before it's ready and leave-.
Then leave a negative review online.
Thanks for the suggestions.
I found this case study interesting as well.
Me: Maybe these are your chairs, and I respect people's property (begins to move), but that doesn't mean you need to be rude about it.
I think she might reply with
Her: Well you sat down on my chair without ordering anything
And I could counter further with your response
Me: I would like the first thing on the menu. (without looking at the menu; I learnt this from Lucio)
Here's payment in cash and you can keep the change.
Asking for the Menu Response
You: wonderful! May I see your menu please? (now she's going to act for you)
I see how she might potentially respond to this reply.
Her: The menu is at the counter. (walks away)
Then I would walk to the counter and order something.
And leave.
But that may be too much effort.
So instead of walking to the counter, maybe something like
Me: Wait a minute, I'm in the middle of something.
Here's $20, and I would like the first thing on the menu.
Leaving Review
Then leave a negative review online.
I'm going to do that now.
Not going to deny that I am taking pleasure in doing this.
And would be even happier if one day the owner stumbles upon this thread.
My dark side is coming out.
Great points, you went the next steps and anticipated her possible responses that might have put you in a bind, and they make sense.
If you went down the moving path, then you cna just as well stick to your frame:
Her: Well you sat down on my chair without ordering anything
You: That doens't give you the right to be rude and aggressive to people
Wherever the conversation goes, you just stick to your frame and message: it's not cool to be rude (and you were rude).
Finally, if it seems to escalate in a shouting match, you just call yourself out of it.
Raise your hand up, as if to say "stop it now", but you stop engaging. Shake your head as if to say "what a bitch", and then sit in the "right" spot.
You might have also gone back to the original cafe' and warned them of the behavior of that woman, which also damages their business.
Thanks for the advice Lucio.
Wherever the conversation goes, you just stick to your frame and message: it's not cool to be rude (and you were rude).
I think that this is the most important point.
It is not cool to be rude.
I have to internalise this message.
In the future, I think I will stick to the lowest investment response as you suggested.
I will respond with
Me: Stop it now. (shakes head)
if the conversation escalates after my first line in the sand is drawn.
Yes.
Also without "stop now" works.
Just looking away, shaking head, as if to say "not worth of my engagement anymore". Even lower investment.
