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Capt Obvious

#1 · May 11, 2022, 11:25 pm

Hi Everyone,

I have encountered this situations a few times with some people, and that is people who answer questions with obviously, for eg:

Me: Have you watched the first top gun?

Friend: Obviously, who hasn't? ( pretty sure there are people who haven't watched it)

Me: Are you going to take the train to XYZ?

Friend:Obviously, how else? (There are several ways to go, walk, drive, bus,cycle)

The use of obviously and the rhetorical question in annoys me, because it seems to be a subtle power move, conveying an attitude of condescension, and implying that you're stupid for asking that question.

The question I asked in both these cases, might on the surface seem obvious, but my question does not assume anything, and that's why the question.

Response

I have tried responding by ignoring the snide, but that does not work when it is repeated, the other option was to indirectly explain to them the reasoning behind the questioning, bu this response too didn't feel like taking back the power, the other option was to call them out for the comment and explain to them why it is not obvious, bu this ruins the moment and kills the vibe.

How would you respond or handle these kind of situations?

Thank you so much for your answers

Much Appreciated.

Connor.

#2 · May 12, 2022, 1:20 am

He's stated that is a fact. If you want to go gentle you can point out its his 'opinion' not a fact. So you think everyone has seen top gun?

Gentle but taking back some power because now he has to answer a question. If he doubles down and says 'obviously' again he's being an arse and should be checked.

I'd just smile say 'good chat' and say 'well I'd better let you go mate' and walk-off/hang-up

If you want to prolong the convo (i.e. give a double chance) you could say 'good chat' drawing a line under that. Then look at him innocently and say 'what would you like to talk about?' very quietly and calmly. He's rejected your conversation opener/bid for vibing so now the conversations on him.

Lucio Buffalmano, Anon and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#3 · May 12, 2022, 2:17 am

Assertiveness. Say out loud what you wrote in parenthesis.

You stay silent and try to avoid the conflict but what he says is stupid while pretending to be smart.

You’re letting him win easy. Fight back. Just go with logic and facts in a calm voice and see how he reacts. He’s playing a game of stupid.

Not everyone has seen Top Gun. That’s a fact.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 4 other users have reacted to this post.

#4 · May 12, 2022, 2:49 am

Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 12, 2022, 2:49 am
Hello Connor,
A quick feedback before I give an answer: your post feels like it has a couple of power moves.
"Thank you so much for your answers" (assume the close technique): a power-taking sentence because it takes away forum members' power and freedom to refuse to reply now that you've implied that they will answer you (even if they haven't agreed to yet).
"Much Appreciated" (covert judge power move): implies that you will be displeased if the forum members who read your post don't reply. You greatly appreciate them giving an answer (i.e. they make you happy — a positive judge role) and, at the same time, you will also be greatly displeased if they don't (a negative judge role).
You're free to disagree (and, I welcome it if you do, could be great feedback if I'm misinterpreting your message).
With that said though, here are my thoughts on your situation.
"Obviously" is not the most damaging thing to say. It can be annoying if it's repeatedly used on you by the same person often. But, if it feels like it might be OK, you can usually respond normally and continue on:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Awesome, what did you think of it?
*Note: If you're asking a question like that enthusiastically as if to sub-communicate you love the movie, they might say "obviously" enthusiastically as well as if to say, "Of course, who hasn't seen that awesome movie man, I love it too!"
So, how exactly are they saying it? From what you've said so far, it seems like they're saying it with a somewhat demeaning tone, as if to say, "How do you not know this already man." But, I could be wrong.)
#1. Framing buffet technique.
If, however, this "obviously" move is a power move (such as to frame you as unknowledgeable in group settings), you can respond as if his power move is a normal comment.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Anybody who hasn't. What did you think of it?
#2. Philosopher's frame technique.
For example:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: That depends. Everybone has different likes, tastes, and experiences. So, what's obvious to one person might be unimportant to another. Anyway, what did you think of it, man?
#3. Respectfully disagree and reframe.
Also, maybe another option here: reframe with information that supports your position.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Well, it's not the highest grossing film of all time, so I wouldn't say it's that obvious. But, what did you think about it?
#4. Surface it with assertiveness.
If it truly gets out of hand, this is a technique mainly recommended for a particular annoying workplace power move. But, I see it as applicable to this situation as well.
The idea is to make it hard and unpleasant for them to play this game.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Him: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Why do you do that?
Him: Do what
You: Say things are obvious that aren't immediately obvious. It’s like you’re playing power games here man, jostling for status over me or something. It creates a bad vibe
Him: Uh? No, I was just saying
You: Yeah, but it’s annoying to say things are obvious when they aren't.
Him: I don’t know man, I was just saying, don’t make it so difficult.
You: I agree. Let’s also agree to stop playing “that's obvious" games then. Cheers.
Ideally, he would backtrack. But, even if he doesn't, drawing a line here this way is still a win.
Now, next time he pulls the "obviously" move you can add “Oh-oh there he goes again” and he will know you caught him.
But, I'd probably avoid this or only use it as a last resort because it doesn't feel necessary given that the power/status-loss from a move like "obvious" feels pretty low (at least, to me).

Hello Connor,

A quick feedback before I give an answer: your post feels like it has a couple of power moves.

"Thank you so much for your answers" (assume the close technique): a power-taking sentence because it takes away forum members' power and freedom to refuse to reply now that you've implied that they will answer you (even if they haven't agreed to yet).
"Much Appreciated" (covert judge power move): implies that you will be displeased if the forum members who read your post don't reply. You greatly appreciate them giving an answer (i.e. they make you happy — a positive judge role) and, at the same time, you will also be greatly displeased if they don't (a negative judge role).

You're free to disagree (and, I welcome it if you do, could be great feedback if I'm misinterpreting your message).

With that said though, here are my thoughts on your situation.

"Obviously" is not the most damaging thing to say. It can be annoying if it's repeatedly used on you by the same person often. But, if it feels like it might be OK, you can usually respond normally and continue on:

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Awesome, what did you think of it?

*Note: If you're asking a question like that enthusiastically as if to sub-communicate you love the movie, they might say "obviously" enthusiastically as well as if to say, "Of course, who hasn't seen that awesome movie man, I love it too!"

So, how exactly are they saying it? From what you've said so far, it seems like they're saying it with a somewhat demeaning tone, as if to say, "How do you not know this already man." But, I could be wrong.)

#1. Framing buffet technique.

If, however, this "obviously" move is a power move (such as to frame you as unknowledgeable in group settings), you can respond as if his power move is a normal comment.

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Anybody who hasn't. What did you think of it?

#2. Philosopher's frame technique.

For example:

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: That depends. Everybone has different likes, tastes, and experiences. So, what's obvious to one person might be unimportant to another. Anyway, what did you think of it, man?

#3. Respectfully disagree and reframe.

Also, maybe another option here: reframe with information that supports your position.

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Well, it's not the highest grossing film of all time, so I wouldn't say it's that obvious. But, what did you think about it?

#4. Surface it with assertiveness.

If it truly gets out of hand, this is a technique mainly recommended for a particular annoying workplace power move. But, I see it as applicable to this situation as well.

The idea is to make it hard and unpleasant for them to play this game.

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Him: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Why do you do that?
Him: Do what
You: Say things are obvious that aren't immediately obvious. It’s like you’re playing power games here man, jostling for status over me or something. It creates a bad vibe
Him: Uh? No, I was just saying
You: Yeah, but it’s annoying to say things are obvious when they aren't.
Him: I don’t know man, I was just saying, don’t make it so difficult.
You: I agree. Let’s also agree to stop playing “that's obvious" games then. Cheers.

Ideally, he would backtrack. But, even if he doesn't, drawing a line here this way is still a win.

Now, next time he pulls the "obviously" move you can add “Oh-oh there he goes again” and he will know you caught him.

But, I'd probably avoid this or only use it as a last resort because it doesn't feel necessary given that the power/status-loss from a move like "obvious" feels pretty low (at least, to me).

Lucio Buffalmano, Anon and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#5 · May 12, 2022, 6:48 pm

Quote from Transitioned on May 12, 2022, 1:20 am
He's stated that is a fact. If you want to go gentle you can point out its his 'opinion' not a fact. So you think everyone has seen top gun?
Gentle but taking back some power because now he has to answer a question. If he doubles down and says 'obviously' again he's being an arse and should be checked.
I'd just smile say 'good chat' and say 'well I'd better let you go mate' and walk-off/hang-up
If you want to prolong the convo (i.e. give a double chance) you could say 'good chat' drawing a line under that. Then look at him innocently and say 'what would you like to talk about?' very quietly and calmly. He's rejected your conversation opener/bid for vibing so now the conversations on him.

Thank you Transitioned,

I will try this out next time, seems to me that most people who use "obviously" and rhetorical questions as a reply to questions are people who want to appear to be smart and are looking for small power wins, but with some people it feels like they are being socially clueless, and by using this technique you suggested, the intention behind can be drawn out.

#6 · May 12, 2022, 6:59 pm

Quote from John Freeman on May 12, 2022, 2:17 am
Assertiveness. Say out loud what you wrote in parenthesis.
You stay silent and try to avoid the conflict but what he says is stupid while pretending to be smart.
You’re letting him win easy. Fight back. Just go with logic and facts in a calm voice and see how he reacts. He’s playing a game of stupid.
Not everyone has seen Top Gun. That’s a fact.

Thank you John,

Yes, I don't do this often cause I'm looking to avoid conflict and maintain the status quo, but some people take advantage of it. I once a had a friend tell me why I was making such a big fuss over such a small issue and told me I was reading too much into it when I called him out on it. .

John Freeman has reacted to this post.

#7 · May 12, 2022, 7:57 pm

Quote from Connor Jackson on May 12, 2022, 7:57 pm
Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 12, 2022, 2:49 am
Hello Connor,
A quick feedback before I give an answer: your post feels like it has a couple of power moves.
"Thank you so much for your answers" (assume the close technique): a power-taking sentence because it takes away forum members' power and freedom to refuse to reply now that you've implied that they will answer you (even if they haven't agreed to yet).
"Much Appreciated" (covert judge power move): implies that you will be displeased if the forum members who read your post don't reply. You greatly appreciate them giving an answer (i.e. they make you happy — a positive judge role) and, at the same time, you will also be greatly displeased if they don't (a negative judge role).
You're free to disagree (and, I welcome it if you do, could be great feedback if I'm misinterpreting your message).
With that said though, here are my thoughts on your situation.
"Obviously" is not the most damaging thing to say. It can be annoying if it's repeatedly used on you by the same person often. But, if it feels like it might be OK, you can usually respond normally and continue on:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Awesome, what did you think of it?
*Note: If you're asking a question like that enthusiastically as if to sub-communicate you love the movie, they might say "obviously" enthusiastically as well as if to say, "Of course, who hasn't seen that awesome movie man, I love it too!"
So, how exactly are they saying it? From what you've said so far, it seems like they're saying it with a somewhat demeaning tone, as if to say, "How do you not know this already man." But, I could be wrong.)
#1. Framing buffet technique.
If, however, this "obviously" move is a power move (such as to frame you as unknowledgeable in group settings), you can respond as if his power move is a normal comment.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Anybody who hasn't. What did you think of it?
#2. Philosopher's frame technique.
For example:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: That depends. Everybone has different likes, tastes, and experiences. So, what's obvious to one person might be unimportant to another. Anyway, what did you think of it, man?
#3. Respectfully disagree and reframe.
Also, maybe another option here: reframe with information that supports your position.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Well, it's not the highest grossing film of all time, so I wouldn't say it's that obvious. But, what did you think about it?
#4. Surface it with assertiveness.
If it truly gets out of hand, this is a technique mainly recommended for a particular annoying workplace power move. But, I see it as applicable to this situation as well.
The idea is to make it hard and unpleasant for them to play this game.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Him: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Why do you do that?
Him: Do what
You: Say things are obvious that aren't immediately obvious. It’s like you’re playing power games here man, jostling for status over me or something. It creates a bad vibe
Him: Uh? No, I was just saying
You: Yeah, but it’s annoying to say things are obvious when they aren't.
Him: I don’t know man, I was just saying, don’t make it so difficult.
You: I agree. Let’s also agree to stop playing “that's obvious" games then. Cheers.
Ideally, he would backtrack. But, even if he doesn't, drawing a line here this way is still a win.
Now, next time he pulls the "obviously" move you can add “Oh-oh there he goes again” and he will know you caught him.
But, I'd probably avoid this or only use it as a last resort because it doesn't feel necessary given that the power/status-loss from a move like "obvious" feels pretty low (at least, to me).
Thank you Ali
The "thank you so much for your answers" served a purpose, It was a form of acknowledgement in case I was not able to reply back or post on the forum on time to the members, that I'm grateful to all them for taking the time to read and answer, I suppose a better way would have been "I will be grateful for your answers"
"Much Appreciated", in the same vein comes from a intention of gratefulness for the time and answers the members put in. A lack of reply does not imply I don't appreciate you, a lack of reply is akin to "not have asked the the question", so there is no space for being thankful or grateful. I think of of it like a scale, no reply falling in the neutral zone, I still stand where I stood before asking the question.

With this particular person the tone seems to be more of demeaning tone and not the happy vibe kind of tone, although at first even I was not sure, but after a while it became apparent to me that this person was looking down while talking to me and I was not sure how to handle it since I like to avoid having draining arguments with him, and that ruled out the philosophers frame and the surface it with assertiveness. ( it would suck me into an argument with him). The framing buffet technique and disagree and redirect would let me gain an even footing without being drawn into a futile argument.
With others I will bring out the big guns.

Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 12, 2022, 2:49 am
Hello Connor,
A quick feedback before I give an answer: your post feels like it has a couple of power moves.
"Thank you so much for your answers" (assume the close technique): a power-taking sentence because it takes away forum members' power and freedom to refuse to reply now that you've implied that they will answer you (even if they haven't agreed to yet).
"Much Appreciated" (covert judge power move): implies that you will be displeased if the forum members who read your post don't reply. You greatly appreciate them giving an answer (i.e. they make you happy — a positive judge role) and, at the same time, you will also be greatly displeased if they don't (a negative judge role).
You're free to disagree (and, I welcome it if you do, could be great feedback if I'm misinterpreting your message).
With that said though, here are my thoughts on your situation.
"Obviously" is not the most damaging thing to say. It can be annoying if it's repeatedly used on you by the same person often. But, if it feels like it might be OK, you can usually respond normally and continue on:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Awesome, what did you think of it?
*Note: If you're asking a question like that enthusiastically as if to sub-communicate you love the movie, they might say "obviously" enthusiastically as well as if to say, "Of course, who hasn't seen that awesome movie man, I love it too!"
So, how exactly are they saying it? From what you've said so far, it seems like they're saying it with a somewhat demeaning tone, as if to say, "How do you not know this already man." But, I could be wrong.)
#1. Framing buffet technique.
If, however, this "obviously" move is a power move (such as to frame you as unknowledgeable in group settings), you can respond as if his power move is a normal comment.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Anybody who hasn't. What did you think of it?
#2. Philosopher's frame technique.
For example:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: That depends. Everybone has different likes, tastes, and experiences. So, what's obvious to one person might be unimportant to another. Anyway, what did you think of it, man?
#3. Respectfully disagree and reframe.
Also, maybe another option here: reframe with information that supports your position.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Well, it's not the highest grossing film of all time, so I wouldn't say it's that obvious. But, what did you think about it?
#4. Surface it with assertiveness.
If it truly gets out of hand, this is a technique mainly recommended for a particular annoying workplace power move. But, I see it as applicable to this situation as well.
The idea is to make it hard and unpleasant for them to play this game.
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Him: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: Why do you do that?
Him: Do what
You: Say things are obvious that aren't immediately obvious. It’s like you’re playing power games here man, jostling for status over me or something. It creates a bad vibe
Him: Uh? No, I was just saying
You: Yeah, but it’s annoying to say things are obvious when they aren't.
Him: I don’t know man, I was just saying, don’t make it so difficult.
You: I agree. Let’s also agree to stop playing “that's obvious" games then. Cheers.
Ideally, he would backtrack. But, even if he doesn't, drawing a line here this way is still a win.
Now, next time he pulls the "obviously" move you can add “Oh-oh there he goes again” and he will know you caught him.
But, I'd probably avoid this or only use it as a last resort because it doesn't feel necessary given that the power/status-loss from a move like "obvious" feels pretty low (at least, to me).

Thank you Ali

The "thank you so much for your answers" served a purpose, It was a form of acknowledgement in case I was not able to reply back or post on the forum on time to the members, that I'm grateful to all them for taking the time to read and answer, I suppose a better way would have been "I will be grateful for your answers"

"Much Appreciated", in the same vein comes from a intention of gratefulness for the time and answers the members put in. A lack of reply does not imply I don't appreciate you, a lack of reply is akin to "not have asked the the question", so there is no space for being thankful or grateful. I think of of it like a scale, no reply falling in the neutral zone, I still stand where I stood before asking the question.

With this particular person the tone seems to be more of demeaning tone and not the happy vibe kind of tone, although at first even I was not sure, but after a while it became apparent to me that this person was looking down while talking to me and I was not sure how to handle it since I like to avoid having draining arguments with him, and that ruled out the philosophers frame and the surface it with assertiveness. ( it would suck me into an argument with him). The framing buffet technique and disagree and redirect would let me gain an even footing without being drawn into a futile argument.

With others I will bring out the big guns.

#8 · May 12, 2022, 8:01 pm

Quote from Anon on May 12, 2022, 8:01 pm
Quote from Connor Jackson on May 11, 2022, 11:25 pm
1.
Me: Have you watched the first top gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't? ( pretty sure there are people who haven't watched it)
2.
Me: Are you going to take the train to XYZ?
Friend:Obviously, how else? (There are several ways to go, walk, drive, bus,cycle)
The use of obviously and the rhetorical question in annoys me, because it seems to be a subtle power move, conveying an attitude of condescension, and implying that you're stupid for asking that question.
You seem to have very good power awareness, and this is the most important step to counter such nonsense.
Whenever "everyone" does something..
Quote from Transitioned on May 12, 2022, 1:20 am
He's stated that is a fact. If you want to go gentle you can point out its his 'opinion' not a fact. So you think everyone has seen top gun?
Great approach, one could even go further and say:
"What makes you think everyone out of 8 billion people has seen Top Gun?"
Now they have to explain themselves, while faced with an obviously ridiculous claim.
The ridiculousness increased through switching out "everyone" for the more tangible "everyone out of 8 billion people", and this approach could work in all cases someone claims that "everyone" does something (and tries to frame you as an outsider or weirdo).
Some more options:
Mirror their attitude
"Well I for one haven't - obviously :D"
(It's important to deliver it not too seriously, otherwise you may look bothered by their powermove)
This has the downside of steeping on their level. I think it's usually better to generally show and demand respectful treatment instead of treating them the way they treat others, but it's a valid option, especially if it's just the two of you and/or you don't think of anything else in time.
Show me your hand- and/or -Giving them more rope to hang themselves-
"Hm, are you saying people who haven't seen the movie Top Gun are lesser beings who need to be shamed?"
(They could likely double down on this - "Yes of course! HarHarHa".)
Look, I don't think this is an acceptable way to treat friends, not even in jest.
I'm here to have a good time without anyone getting shamed (by a movie buff.)
(How do you even find the time to watch all that stuff?).
Anyway, let's move on - what do you think of it?

Quote from Connor Jackson on May 11, 2022, 11:25 pm
1.
Me: Have you watched the first top gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't? ( pretty sure there are people who haven't watched it)
2.
Me: Are you going to take the train to XYZ?
Friend:Obviously, how else? (There are several ways to go, walk, drive, bus,cycle)
The use of obviously and the rhetorical question in annoys me, because it seems to be a subtle power move, conveying an attitude of condescension, and implying that you're stupid for asking that question.

You seem to have very good power awareness, and this is the most important step to counter such nonsense.

Whenever "everyone" does something..

Quote from Transitioned on May 12, 2022, 1:20 am
He's stated that is a fact. If you want to go gentle you can point out its his 'opinion' not a fact. So you think everyone has seen top gun?

Great approach, one could even go further and say:

"What makes you think everyone out of 8 billion people has seen Top Gun?"

Now they have to explain themselves, while faced with an obviously ridiculous claim.
The ridiculousness increased through switching out "everyone" for the more tangible "everyone out of 8 billion people", and this approach could work in all cases someone claims that "everyone" does something (and tries to frame you as an outsider or weirdo).

Some more options:

Mirror their attitude

"Well I for one haven't - obviously :D"
(It's important to deliver it not too seriously, otherwise you may look bothered by their powermove)

This has the downside of steeping on their level. I think it's usually better to generally show and demand respectful treatment instead of treating them the way they treat others, but it's a valid option, especially if it's just the two of you and/or you don't think of anything else in time.

Show me your hand- and/or -Giving them more rope to hang themselves-

"Hm, are you saying people who haven't seen the movie Top Gun are lesser beings who need to be shamed?"

(They could likely double down on this - "Yes of course! HarHarHa".)

Look, I don't think this is an acceptable way to treat friends, not even in jest.
I'm here to have a good time without anyone getting shamed (by a movie buff.)
(How do you even find the time to watch all that stuff?).
Anyway, let's move on - what do you think of it?

Lucio Buffalmano and Connor Jackson have reacted to this post.

#9 · May 12, 2022, 8:58 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 12, 2022, 8:58 pm
Quote from Connor Jackson on May 12, 2022, 7:57 pm
With this particular person the tone seems to be more of a demeaning tone and not the happy vibe kind of tone, although at first even I was not sure, but after a while it became apparent to me that this person was looking down while talking to me and I was not sure how to handle it since I like to avoid having draining arguments with him, and that ruled out the philosophers frame and the surface it with assertiveness. ( it would suck me into an argument with him). The framing buffet technique and disagree and redirect would let me gain an even footing without being drawn into a futile argument.
With others I will bring out the big guns.
Got it. In that case, if you consider this person a friend, it might be wise to give him a chance before moving to more dominant techniques.
It seems that he has a competitive frame, so maybe you can move him to a more collaborative frame by validating him whenever he says it.
Ex:
You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: (responding as if his tone and response was a normal comment) Yeah, figured you'd seen it, you're always so on top of these things. What'd you think about it, man?
Or:
You: Are you going to take the train to XYZ location?
Friend: Obviously, how else?
You: (responding as if his tone and response was a normal comment) Yeah, I think it's one of the better ways to get there too, but you would know better than I do on that one. Why not take one of the other ways to get there this time though (subtly opens up the dialogue around the fact that there are, indeed, other ways to get to that location)?
Then, if after validating him you notice that his tone and behavior aren't changing, it might make more sense to move on to the more assertive strategies knowing that you gave him the chance to turn around.
If, however, you don't really think of him as a friend, you can consider skipping this as well.
Feel free to let me know what you think below.

Quote from Connor Jackson on May 12, 2022, 7:57 pm
With this particular person the tone seems to be more of a demeaning tone and not the happy vibe kind of tone, although at first even I was not sure, but after a while it became apparent to me that this person was looking down while talking to me and I was not sure how to handle it since I like to avoid having draining arguments with him, and that ruled out the philosophers frame and the surface it with assertiveness. ( it would suck me into an argument with him). The framing buffet technique and disagree and redirect would let me gain an even footing without being drawn into a futile argument.
With others I will bring out the big guns.

Got it. In that case, if you consider this person a friend, it might be wise to give him a chance before moving to more dominant techniques.

It seems that he has a competitive frame, so maybe you can move him to a more collaborative frame by validating him whenever he says it.

Ex:

You: Have you watched the first Top Gun?
Friend: Obviously, who hasn't?
You: (responding as if his tone and response was a normal comment) Yeah, figured you'd seen it, you're always so on top of these things. What'd you think about it, man?

Or:

You: Are you going to take the train to XYZ location?
Friend: Obviously, how else?
You: (responding as if his tone and response was a normal comment) Yeah, I think it's one of the better ways to get there too, but you would know better than I do on that one. Why not take one of the other ways to get there this time though (subtly opens up the dialogue around the fact that there are, indeed, other ways to get to that location)?

Then, if after validating him you notice that his tone and behavior aren't changing, it might make more sense to move on to the more assertive strategies knowing that you gave him the chance to turn around.

If, however, you don't really think of him as a friend, you can consider skipping this as well.

Feel free to let me know what you think below.

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