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Case study: Social climbers' sandwich
Hello guys,
so here is the new situation I'm in.
Situation
My social climber manipulator taker supervisor F. came back to work in our department (so happy not so happy). And now there is the social climber V. who's a nurse. What happens now is that:
- Nurse V. is doing her best to social climb on me. Example: patient gets a certain procedure done by anesthesiologists. Then, she looks at the X-ray to see if they did a good job. And tells me: "I looked at the X-ray, the device looks like it well placed, you'll tell me what you think". So she plays the doctor and even worse, it's not even appropriate (unrequested help) nor helpful (social scalping). So she tries to show to everyone that she did my job. And of course, she's trying to task me during the meeting or is checking on my colleagues resident physicians' tasks. "Have you done that?". Note here that she did not do her nurse job (taking vital signs) during a whole day for a child patient with cancer and fever. Yes, that is as bad as it sound. So she's an anesthesiologist but she's not doing her job.
- Supervisor F. is still using me and my colleague while providing little value. Example: during her absence I was able to do a procedure which is key to learn our profession. Yesterday there was such opportunity, but of course as you know, she did it herself. She let me "prepare the material". What a generous being she is.
- And now, which is the matter of this post: they're short-circuiting me. That means that instead of the nurse asking me, she's asking directly to my boss. And instead of my supervisor
So I'm in a social climbers' sandwich! This deserve an LOL, right?
Now, I understand these are behaviors of these narcisstic people with paper-thin ego. So I don't make the mistake of being assertive. I also have empathy for them, they are poor and insecure souls. I understand I have to follow this great advice.
BTW, nurse V. is such a caricature of a social climber. She does not use the same computer the others nurses use (as she's so special). And yes, both V. and F. are histrionic characters. F. organized today a flash mob for a patient. I think it's a cool idea and it's a nice gesture. Or is it a way to get noticed? Is it?
And what were they both laughing at during the morning meeting? "We will eat chocolate together and not work today" ("taker speech", "joke") as they are, of course, two queens.
Everything you read above is 1 day! Only 1 day. And I'm not telling you all the little details. So this is again why it's so important to understand that taking is an attitude. When it comes from a troubled personality such as the people above, it's stable. That means that they will constantly and reliably behave like that. That is also why we want to remove them 1 by 1. The damage they will do in the workplace and in our social life (yes, even family) is huge.
How did I counteract V.? When I left the room after talking with the patient's family, she said: "thank you" (as she's the leader and actually she was just there) and I said: "Thanks, V." in a royal-like manner to put her back in her place.
Now I'm wondering how I can counteract a social climber who's my boss as she has the power to put obstacle on my way (and she did)?
And also how can I prevent the short-circuiting as they both engage in this behavior? The best idea I found is to stick to my supervisor all the time.
To give you an idea how deranged the mind of these people is:
This morning my resident colleague C. fell on the ice in front of the hospital. She sent me a message to inform me. She was with another colleague and my supervisor F. I go upstairs and knock on the door. F. opens and I see my colleague C. is on a wheelchair. She starts to apologize (for not being able to work) and I tell her not to apologize. I tell her that the most important thing is to take care of herself. Then F. tells me: “you can start with the patients.” (This was out of place, patient care would start in one hour, but she HAD to show she was in charge. I was coming as a colleague being worried for another colleague.) I answered: “Yes of course” (as a “ye ye”, see article above). In the moment, my colleague was hurting. So we see the lack of empathy as well.
This is an example to expose how these people think. And it’s not pretty.
Quote from John Freeman on January 19, 2021, 8:25 amThen F. tells me: “you can start with the patients.” (This was out of place, patient care would start in one hour, but she HAD to show she was in charge. I was coming as a colleague being worried for another colleague.) I answered: “Yes of course” (as a “ye ye”, see article above). In the moment, my colleague was hurting.
Yeah, that sounds a lot like (unneeded) social climbing.
She could have just as easily said "OK, you got this John?", and empower you to say "for sure", as well as to feel more part of the team.
Good move on minimizing her power move with the "ye ye", as if to say "don't tell me shit I was going to do anyway".
By the way, John, one idea for you: it might be better to name the people with their position, as sometimes I find myself looking back at "who's F."
For example: "social climbing boss", or "boss F" and "colleague C", "nurse F.", as that makes it more descriptive.
