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Charlie disempowers Ben with "I hope you did X"
From Charlie and Ben's podcast:
Ben says that a breakdown of Jon Steward is coming up.
And this is what follows:
Charlie: Well, one of the reasons I recommend you to do Jon Stewart is...
Remember: Ben already disclosed there will be a breakdown on Steward.
So Charlie's words self-frame him as the mastermind who comes up with the best ideas, and Ben listening -and executing- on Charlie's inputs.
He then goes on to explain why Jon Stewart is so good, and then adds:
Charlie: that's hopefully what you discuss in the breakdown
To begin with, it's not good from a win-win and collaborative point of view.
The business he shared, he should talk about "us".
Second, and worse: the frame is: "I hope you got it right".
Charlie doesn't let Ben share what he saw worthy of Jon Stewart, he just says his piece, which is presented as "the truth".
Because of that, it's quite self-aggrandizing, since it self-frames Charlie as the almighty who knows the truth.
And it's disempowering to Ben, since he is not pulled up at the same level of "truth-knower" or someone who can talk with the truth-knower and still add some value.
It demeans Ben as the one who "did the job, and hopefully got it right".
This time Ben didn't defend strongly, he bridged it with a "yeah, yeah" and then delivered his piece.
Not too bad, but given the dark orange-level power move, he could have gone in a bit stronger.
Yes looks like even the aware people get it wrong sometimes.
'you should...' is one of the phrases on my red flags list - thank you again TPM.
Quote from Transitioned on February 20, 2022, 12:23 amYes looks like even the aware people get it wrong sometimes.
'you should...' is one of the phrases on my red flags list - thank you again TPM.
The "You should.... " Part is confusing to me. I always thought it is used to give suggestions or opinions.
Is it better to use "I suggest.. " Instead of "You should.. "?. Or is there any other better ways?
Suggest is good.
To me 'you should'Â implies you know best.
Simplest swap is 'you could. '
Others: 'one way might be..'
Maybe you could...
I wonder if you could...
Quote from Transitioned on February 20, 2022, 12:23 amYes looks like even the aware people get it wrong sometimes.
'you should...' is one of the phrases on my red flags list - thank you again TPM.
Yeah, I think it might be personality-based here.
Charlie is awesome and generally a kind and ethical person. Yet, he seems to have a somewhat hidden professorial attitude of "I'm smart, I know better" -which often might even be correct since he's worked so much on his knowledge and critical thinking skills, but you still better not show if you want to be liked and if you want to avoid disempowering your friends-.
