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“Common courtesy” phone call power moves
Hey Guys,
I was near a very power taking person who received a phone call from a friend.
The answerer said these things during the call:
- I was thinking about you and calling you just three days ago, but you called first
No doubt it was all fake.
But it still removes any credit for the caller for keeping in touch, and frames the answerer as just as kind, but less “interested”. So higher up in power.
I’m very interested in knowing your perspective on how to check this, as I can’t now come up with a good answer.
- Do send us some photos!
Common sentence, but tasks the other person to establish a power imbalance.
May be best to respond either by denying, or by asking for the same.
- Thank you for the call
Frames the caller as “doing something for the answerer”.
I would answer by just thanking back.
- Do say hi to all for us
Again it tasks the caller. I would reciprocate the move.
As a side note, this person also spoke on the phone out loud and put the caller on loudspeaker, to showcase he could disturb everyone during breakfast.
As you can imagine, my first reply is that it would depend on the circumstances.
If we're close, including an intimate relationship, I'd definitely call it out and lay out my "rules of engagement".
If they can't change tack, very bad sign and potentially ground for termination.
But, in many other cases, I can see myself ignoring and making a mental note that the person may not be a straight-talking one.
P.S.:
Important note, this is only valid if you're pretty sure the person is lying.
Many may be not.
I know for one that the people I like/care/think of/wish I had the time to write outnumber the ones that I can actually get in touch with by at least 10:1.
The same can be said for many driven guys who put a high priority on doing (VS talking/keeping in touch).
Edit:
Albeit the way this example of yours put it DOES sound like social scalping.
You don't wanna give exact dates when you want to communicate something like that. You want say something like "hey man, thank you for the call, always good to hear from you, I also thought about you (but you know I'm just bad at keeping in touch)".
Quote from Bel on August 14, 2023, 11:47 amAs a side note, this person also spoke on the phone out loud and put the caller on loudspeaker, to showcase he could disturb everyone during breakfast.
Tough to say sometimes where a lack of civic education starts and a power move begins.
Albeit, of course, there certainly is an overlap.
Thank you so much, Lucio.
Quote from Bel on August 14, 2023, 11:47 amHey Guys,
I was near a very power taking person who received a phone call from a friend.
The answerer said these things during the call:
- I was thinking about you and calling you just three days ago, but you called first
No doubt it was all fake.
But it still removes any credit for the caller for keeping in touch, and frames the answerer as just as kind, but less “interested”. So higher up in power.
I’m very interested in knowing your perspective on how to check this, as I can’t now come up with a good answer.
- Do send us some photos!
Common sentence, but tasks the other person to establish a power imbalance.
May be best to respond either by denying, or by asking for the same.
- Thank you for the call
Frames the caller as “doing something for the answerer”.
I would answer by just thanking back.
- Do say hi to all for us
Again it tasks the caller. I would reciprocate the move.
As a side note, this person also spoke on the phone out loud and put the caller on loudspeaker, to showcase he could disturb everyone during breakfast.
Wow didn't realize the “do send us photos” or “say hi for me” moves. It happens not rarely in my communication with friends and acquaintances. Of course it depends on how close the relationship is and also what the other person did.
For example, I always share something before I ask the other person how they are doing, and then I might ask for photos (not a power move but just curious about their lives, as in giving attention).
Yes I do the same about "thought about you" as I'm honest that person had come into my mind. This could be established and rebalanced by showing interest in the communication and providing more.
