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Covert power move: "that's major for you"

How do you feel about this comment:

Not only what he's saying, but what he's implying.

My first impression was that it was a "well done" judge role.

In this case, the judgment was quite similar to "congratulations".

Here's my analysis of why it's not always the most optimal thing to say though:

What it does to the receiver:

This is what it does to the receiver:

  1. It puts them lower in power: because it comes across as power scalping. (You're the authority who judges what's major for them or small, and dispenses "congratulations" based on what you judge as worthy of it.) It disempowers them and good relationships are more balanced.
  2. It puts them in a cage: it's a positive judge power move. So, they are now forced to keep proving their wins as "major" and "congratulations-worthy"? They don't want to do that. They want to be free to do what they want.
  3. It breaks rapport: people want their moves to be appreciated for the emotional satisfaction it brings to them. And high-quality people often prefer to avoid buying into other people's frames of what constitutes a "major win" anyway. So, "that's major for you" puts their win into an isolated category, where your judgment and beliefs on the win matter more than theirs. And, that's something they likely don't want.

The majority of people will be cool with their wins being labeled as "major".
But, high-quality individuals who like their freedom and emotional independence might think, "No, I have a different philosophy about what's major in life and what's a "win". (And, even if I agreed with you, you're not my superior to be judging my decisions."

What do you think?

P.S.:

This is only my opinion and I'm open to feedback and discussion on this below.

My thought is: if someone says, "this is a major win for you," what does that say about your past achievements? Were they small, maybe even, insignificant?

As a high-quality individual, that should be for you to decide. Not them.

Not the most damaging power move, of course, but it may be fundamental for preserving your personal power and mental empowerment.

The commenter self-frames himself as an analysit / observer rather than a fan.

That frame empowers him and yes, it's within the judge's power dynamics.

However, when it comes to effects on the receiver, you gotta keep in mind the context.
It's a YB comment under a creator's video, on the YB account of the creator. The dynamics between them are very skewed towards the creator and naturally frame the commenter as the one interested in the creator, not the other way around.

So you got one guy following, investing, and likely interested and at least somewhat (emotionally) involved in the creator -the commenter-, and the creator not following -and most likely not interested and emotionally involved- in the commenter.

Also note that the commentator didn't say "a major win for YOU", which would imply more of a relationship of equals and in which case, yes, it would be more disempowering for the receiver along the lines you detail.
The commenter is talking in the third person because he doesn't expect a reply from the creator, which is several levels above him and is likely not going to reply to that.

In short:

Yes, it's just power dynamics as you point out.
But context matter and contexts have their own power dynamics.
And within the context, a YB comment can't be too disempowering to a creator.

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and Bel have reacted to this post.
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