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Date Negotiation: "My friend is coming to meet me!"
Hello Forum- how've you been?!
I've been on. Tinder!
I've had a wonderful first date with a girl and am in the process of making the second date happen - in Australia we have a time of the year called O (orientation!) week- where university students party/ready themselves for the year of study.
My follow up with her was simple - Let's hang out this O week at (x) Club!
Her response:
"Oh but my friend will be there"
"Cause she come from the Gold Coast for O week"
Ok - cool!
My responses are as follows- I'm looking for the best Win Win answer! (and yes, they are probable) (both girls are French) (from top to bottom is Best to... Not so Best) ;)
- Let's all speak French together then! She is of French nationality, right? (yes ladder)
- If you want to spend some one on one time with her - I can make myself discreet
- I don't mind that!
What would you say?
Hey Oli,
This one isn't looking too good.
It's a mild brush-off.
It's certainly possible she might be happy to see you again, but it seems she is prioritizing her friend -as it's totally fair she should-.
Now you face a tough choice:
- Insist and try to meet her with the friend
- As a guest, wherever they go
- As an inviter
- Let her do her thing and reconnect later on
Of course, the risk with #2 is that time goes by, the memory fades, and you never meet again -or she meets some other almost equally cool guy during O week-.
If you go for #1 by insisting to meet her with her friend, that's not ideal though.
If she thinks you're god walking on earth, she'll be happy, but ultimately the risk is that you, a new guy, is inserting as a guest on her plan. And the guest is lower in power.
And ideal #1 instead is you inviting them to some cool place you got in mind, and ideal of ideals, you'd be a high-status guy in that place, either an organizer, or a well-connected guy who can show social proof and preselection.
Also, you can go for #1 a bit more casually.
You ask them what they're planning and then casually add:
Oh cool, I love that place, if I see you there I'll have a drink with you two
And then judge whether to go or not from her reply.
If her reply is not too happy, you can still show up there and be cool, but go there with friends.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 18, 2021, 2:51 pm-or she meets some other almost equally cool guy during O week-.
I'm a cool guy confirmed! haha
I'm going with your second option Lucio-I sort of prefer being laid back as a principle.
Quote from Oli on February 19, 2021, 12:23 amI'm a cool guy confirmed! haha
I'm going with your second option Lucio-I sort of prefer being laid back as a principle.
Like Sammy the Bull said, but the opposite:
You are a cool guy, always been. Now it's just public :).
Back on the topic, I'd have personally gone for that choice as well.
Have you considered bringing a wingman? I didn't see anyone mention that thought, but to me it solves all the issues at once.
"What a coincidence! I have a friend too!" would have been my first response, as it's somewhat tongue-in-cheek and begs the follow up. But I would definitely shoot out a couple of messages to some friends to see who is available (and socially adept). It usually isn't hard to find someone who wants to hang out with two pretty French girls.
When you go out together, you can 'square up', where each person is connected to two other people - when it's couples time you have your girl and he has the friend, when it's group time, you have your buddy and she has hers. That can also make separation much more viable later. ie. 'Let's take a walk and get some air, oh what about my friend? Don't worry, my buddy is a good guy, they'll have fun until we get back' or however you choose to run the date.
