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Dating a girl taller than you: How do we deal with hecklers?

#1 · July 20, 2020, 5:05 pm

Quote from JP on July 20, 2020, 5:05 pm
So I'm a pretty damn short guy (5'5") living in a city that seemingly has quite a bit of "above average height" women (the attractive, feminine ones anyway). I've gone out with a few women that are taller than me and sometimes I'll get heckled by randoms, especially if we're walking around at night on the main clubbing/bar strip. I've been told that I give off a bit of an aggressive-vibe--I would probably be classified as the "cold and distant" type--which probably helps deal with the height difference to a degree, especially when compared to the average guy.
However, despite this, I'll occasionally get snide comments from random drunks like:
"Hey are you two dating?! I doubt it because it would be funny since she's taller than you!"
"Hey are you shorter than her?"
Or they would assume that we're not intimate.
I personally don't care what some random asshole thinks, but I know it diminishes my status in front of the girl. I know if I respond to them it will reflect badly, but if I ignore them it looks like I'm bothered by it. I've thought of a few solutions:
When out at night, make sure to go with a sizable group, preferably with people as tall or taller than the girl I'm with. When I'm out in a group, I insulate myself and the girl from outside influences by creating my own environment where I am the leader.
A lot of my friends are pretty tall, but I haven't been able to organize regular group outings. Maybe a skill to master? Seems like quite a bit of work though
Restrict myself to only be out with her in the day where being questioned like this is less likely
Thankfully, I'm not much of a night club person so this could be workable.
Get both of us inebriated to the point that we're completely unaware of assholes that berate us
Not the best solution for obvious reasons, but plausible for night settings.
Wear shoes with lifts to make up the height difference
Only works if she's a few inches taller. They're also really uncomfortable. I haven't found a way to wear them comfortably, maybe I haven't found the right shoes?
Fortunately, these solutions only need to be implemented short-term, since in the long-term the girl would probably not care. But these solutions only avoid the situation rather than handle it. Any ideas?

So I'm a pretty damn short guy (5'5") living in a city that seemingly has quite a bit of "above average height" women (the attractive, feminine ones anyway). I've gone out with a few women that are taller than me and sometimes I'll get heckled by randoms, especially if we're walking around at night on the main clubbing/bar strip. I've been told that I give off a bit of an aggressive-vibe--I would probably be classified as the "cold and distant" type--which probably helps deal with the height difference to a degree, especially when compared to the average guy.

However, despite this, I'll occasionally get snide comments from random drunks like:

"Hey are you two dating?! I doubt it because it would be funny since she's taller than you!"

"Hey are you shorter than her?"

Or they would assume that we're not intimate.

I personally don't care what some random asshole thinks, but I know it diminishes my status in front of the girl. I know if I respond to them it will reflect badly, but if I ignore them it looks like I'm bothered by it. I've thought of a few solutions:

When out at night, make sure to go with a sizable group, preferably with people as tall or taller than the girl I'm with. When I'm out in a group, I insulate myself and the girl from outside influences by creating my own environment where I am the leader.
- A lot of my friends are pretty tall, but I haven't been able to organize regular group outings. Maybe a skill to master? Seems like quite a bit of work though
Restrict myself to only be out with her in the day where being questioned like this is less likely
- Thankfully, I'm not much of a night club person so this could be workable.
Get both of us inebriated to the point that we're completely unaware of assholes that berate us
- Not the best solution for obvious reasons, but plausible for night settings.
Wear shoes with lifts to make up the height difference
- Only works if she's a few inches taller. They're also really uncomfortable. I haven't found a way to wear them comfortably, maybe I haven't found the right shoes?

Fortunately, these solutions only need to be implemented short-term, since in the long-term the girl would probably not care. But these solutions only avoid the situation rather than handle it. Any ideas?

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.

#2 · July 21, 2020, 5:34 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 21, 2020, 5:34 pm
Hello JP!
Nice going on those taller gals :).
I wouldn't personally go for the platform shoes. I do wear insoles in almost all my shoes (these guys make high-quality ones: http://www.vigorstore.it/en/sports-insoles/?mode=list ), but I always felt that platforms always sent the wrong message of overcompensation.
Still, I think that all your proposed solutions would address the issue, somewhat.
But I feel that the issue is not that big here.
So all these medicines take a costly detour with potential side effects for curing a small hiccup that might not need any.
Sure you can get drunk, if you feel like. And sure you can take her out with your friends, if you feel like or if you wanna try that out. But I wouldn't do specifically to address some random comments.
Instead, I might make just make a comment to smoothen over any possible awkwardness.
For example:
You: You know a guy has a small dick when he is intimidated by a beautiful woman
You don't really say it to her, which would give too much power to the random idiot. You drop it more like a comment that doesn't need any answer.
If she smiles, then you effectively turned a possible negative into a positive, as she's now thinking about you in a very sexual way ("how really is JP's penis?").
You also reword "taller" into "beautiful", which helps to move away from that topic, if you want to move away from it.
Or simpler:
You: (towards the guy, but without really looking at him) hey man (this is a form of ignoring the frame to show that you heard but are not affected)
(then towards her)
You can be sure one is a loser when he's never dated an attractive woman
Again, a comment thrown in her general direction, but not really expecting a reply.
This one communicates that people who think that a taller and/or attractive woman needs a taller/attractive man are losers who don't have much going on for them.
It also makes you look good by contrast.
It says that you are used to dating attractive women, which also provides you with preselection points. It also indirectly says that you must have a lot going on for you... And maybe she hasn't seen it all, yet?
These are off the top of my head, and can probably be further improved or tweaked.

Hello JP!

Nice going on those taller gals :).

I wouldn't personally go for the platform shoes. I do wear insoles in almost all my shoes (these guys make high-quality ones: http://www.vigorstore.it/en/sports-insoles/?mode=list ), but I always felt that platforms always sent the wrong message of overcompensation.

Still, I think that all your proposed solutions would address the issue, somewhat.

But I feel that the issue is not that big here.
So all these medicines take a costly detour with potential side effects for curing a small hiccup that might not need any.
Sure you can get drunk, if you feel like. And sure you can take her out with your friends, if you feel like or if you wanna try that out. But I wouldn't do specifically to address some random comments.

Instead, I might make just make a comment to smoothen over any possible awkwardness.
For example:

You: You know a guy has a small dick when he is intimidated by a beautiful woman

You don't really say it to her, which would give too much power to the random idiot. You drop it more like a comment that doesn't need any answer.
If she smiles, then you effectively turned a possible negative into a positive, as she's now thinking about you in a very sexual way ("how really is JP's penis?").
You also reword "taller" into "beautiful", which helps to move away from that topic, if you want to move away from it.

Or simpler:

You: (towards the guy, but without really looking at him) hey man (this is a form of ignoring the frame to show that you heard but are not affected)
(then towards her)
You can be sure one is a loser when he's never dated an attractive woman

Again, a comment thrown in her general direction, but not really expecting a reply.

This one communicates that people who think that a taller and/or attractive woman needs a taller/attractive man are losers who don't have much going on for them.

It also makes you look good by contrast.
It says that you are used to dating attractive women, which also provides you with preselection points. It also indirectly says that you must have a lot going on for you... And maybe she hasn't seen it all, yet?

These are off the top of my head, and can probably be further improved or tweaked.

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#3 · July 22, 2020, 6:40 am

Quote from JP on July 22, 2020, 6:40 am
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 21, 2020, 5:34 pm
Hello JP!
Nice going on those taller gals :).
I wouldn't personally go for the platform shoes. I do wear insoles in almost all my shoes (these guys make high-quality ones: http://www.vigorstore.it/en/sports-insoles/?mode=list ), but I always felt that platforms always sent the wrong message of overcompensation.
Yep those taller gals can be quite a catch :)
To share a bit of my own experience with height-increasing footwear, I opted to buy a pair of shoes similar to this one https://www.tallmenshoes.com/elevator-shoes-g3332.html, but only with about a 3 inch lift. They were easily the most uncomfortable shoes I've ever worn. I'm pretty sure platform shoes are more comfortable, but are too obvious. When wearing these shoes, you will feel more of your weight on the top of your feet since it extends your ankle a bit, and I haven't found a way to make them comfortable to wear. It was pretty cool to be able to see the majority of people at eye level though. I currently have a pair of LiftKits that I used only a few times (https://myliftkits.com/collections/shop-men/products/the-game-changer-2-inch-shoe-lift), which feel much better than the elevator shoes but I haven't been using them since it makes it tough to tie my shoes/boots and are still uncomfortable to wear (feels like my feet are gonna kick off the shoes).
BTW I checked out that link, but it doesn't look like they have any height increasing in-soles. Are you just referring to just the regular ones?
Still, I think that all your proposed solutions would address the issue, somewhat.
But I feel that the issue is not that big here.
So all these medicines take a costly detour with potential side effects for curing a small hiccup that might not need any.
Sure you can get drunk, if you feel like. And sure you can take her out with your friends, if you feel like or if you wanna try that out. But I wouldn't do specifically to address some random comments.
Definitely not the most resourceful way to solve the problem, but man it's tough to look powerful as a small short man especially when trying to get with a taller woman. However, I think having a crew is something anyone interested in getting power should be doing any way.
On that note, I noticed that my friends that have dated girls taller than them usually have lots of friends that they go out with. Although most of them are the "alpha male" of the group, some aren't. I think that as long as you don't have the image of being powerless in the group, I doubt that it's necessary, but that's debatable. It is kind of hard to not look boss when you're out with your crew though.
Instead, I might make just make a comment to smoothen over any possible awkwardness.
For example:
You: You know a guy has a small dick when he is intimidated by a beautiful woman
You don't really say it to her, which would give too much power to the random idiot. You drop it more like a comment that doesn't need any answer.
If she smiles, then you effectively turned a possible negative into a positive, as she's now thinking about you in a very sexual way ("how really is JP's penis?").
You also reword "taller" into "beautiful", which helps to move away from that topic, if you want to move away from it.
Or simpler:
You: (towards the guy, but without really looking at him) hey man (this is a form of ignoring the frame to show that you heard but are not affected)
(then towards her)
You can be sure one is a loser when he's never dated an attractive woman
Again, a comment thrown in her general direction, but not really expecting a reply.
This one communicates that people who think that a taller and/or attractive woman needs a taller/attractive man are losers who don't have much going on for them.
It also makes you look good by contrast.
It says that you are used to dating attractive women, which also provides you with preselection points. It also indirectly says that you must have a lot going on for you... And maybe she hasn't seen it all, yet?
These are off the top of my head, and can probably be further improved or tweaked.
I like both of your suggestions, and it got me thinking of some more options I'd like to add.
What if instead of answering the heckler, we look at the girl with a smile and say "Can't blame the guy, I'd be pretty damn jealous if I was him". Especially in front of the heckler. We could also say "Don't worry, he's just mad that he will never have the balls to get with you".
Do you think it would it be more powerful to kind of ignore/snub the heckler rather than addressing him directly?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 21, 2020, 5:34 pm
Hello JP!
Nice going on those taller gals :).
I wouldn't personally go for the platform shoes. I do wear insoles in almost all my shoes (these guys make high-quality ones: http://www.vigorstore.it/en/sports-insoles/?mode=list ), but I always felt that platforms always sent the wrong message of overcompensation.

Yep those taller gals can be quite a catch :)

To share a bit of my own experience with height-increasing footwear, I opted to buy a pair of shoes similar to this one https://www.tallmenshoes.com/elevator-shoes-g3332.html, but only with about a 3 inch lift. They were easily the most uncomfortable shoes I've ever worn. I'm pretty sure platform shoes are more comfortable, but are too obvious. When wearing these shoes, you will feel more of your weight on the top of your feet since it extends your ankle a bit, and I haven't found a way to make them comfortable to wear. It was pretty cool to be able to see the majority of people at eye level though. I currently have a pair of LiftKits that I used only a few times (https://myliftkits.com/collections/shop-men/products/the-game-changer-2-inch-shoe-lift), which feel much better than the elevator shoes but I haven't been using them since it makes it tough to tie my shoes/boots and are still uncomfortable to wear (feels like my feet are gonna kick off the shoes).

BTW I checked out that link, but it doesn't look like they have any height increasing in-soles. Are you just referring to just the regular ones?

Still, I think that all your proposed solutions would address the issue, somewhat.
But I feel that the issue is not that big here.
So all these medicines take a costly detour with potential side effects for curing a small hiccup that might not need any.
Sure you can get drunk, if you feel like. And sure you can take her out with your friends, if you feel like or if you wanna try that out. But I wouldn't do specifically to address some random comments.

Definitely not the most resourceful way to solve the problem, but man it's tough to look powerful as a small short man especially when trying to get with a taller woman. However, I think having a crew is something anyone interested in getting power should be doing any way.

On that note, I noticed that my friends that have dated girls taller than them usually have lots of friends that they go out with. Although most of them are the "alpha male" of the group, some aren't. I think that as long as you don't have the image of being powerless in the group, I doubt that it's necessary, but that's debatable. It is kind of hard to not look boss when you're out with your crew though.

Instead, I might make just make a comment to smoothen over any possible awkwardness.
For example:
You: You know a guy has a small dick when he is intimidated by a beautiful woman
You don't really say it to her, which would give too much power to the random idiot. You drop it more like a comment that doesn't need any answer.
If she smiles, then you effectively turned a possible negative into a positive, as she's now thinking about you in a very sexual way ("how really is JP's penis?").
You also reword "taller" into "beautiful", which helps to move away from that topic, if you want to move away from it.
Or simpler:
You: (towards the guy, but without really looking at him) hey man (this is a form of ignoring the frame to show that you heard but are not affected)
(then towards her)
You can be sure one is a loser when he's never dated an attractive woman
Again, a comment thrown in her general direction, but not really expecting a reply.
This one communicates that people who think that a taller and/or attractive woman needs a taller/attractive man are losers who don't have much going on for them.
It also makes you look good by contrast.
It says that you are used to dating attractive women, which also provides you with preselection points. It also indirectly says that you must have a lot going on for you... And maybe she hasn't seen it all, yet?
These are off the top of my head, and can probably be further improved or tweaked.

I like both of your suggestions, and it got me thinking of some more options I'd like to add.

What if instead of answering the heckler, we look at the girl with a smile and say "Can't blame the guy, I'd be pretty damn jealous if I was him". Especially in front of the heckler. We could also say "Don't worry, he's just mad that he will never have the balls to get with you".

Do you think it would it be more powerful to kind of ignore/snub the heckler rather than addressing him directly?

#4 · July 22, 2020, 5:26 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 22, 2020, 5:26 pm
Yeah, you observed well.
Contrary to what most would believe, depending on the situation, it's not necessary to be the alpha male and/or the group leader.
It does help a lot if you're meeting briefly, though.
As a rule of thumb, the briefer the meet, the more it will be based on first impressions and external traits.
If she's in the social circle instead, the attraction has more chance to develop over time based on character and pure exposure effect.
That's why I never agreed with people saying that social circles are a poor way of meeting women. Social circle is just another way of meeting both new people and new girls. And, depending on the circumstances, it can be a great tool.
My first girlfriend who was visibly and obviously taller than I was, was from my enlarged social circle. Had I met her from cold approach in the street or in a bar, tough luck. But since we had time together, I also had time to "grow" on her, so to speak.
Quote from JP on July 22, 2020, 6:40 am
I like both of your suggestions, and it got me thinking of some more options I'd like to add.What if instead of answering the heckler, we look at the girl with a smile and say "Can't blame the guy, I'd be pretty damn jealous if I was him". Especially in front of the heckler. We could also say "Don't worry, he's just mad that he will never have the balls to get with you".
Do you think it would it be more powerful to kind of ignore/snub the heckler rather than addressing him directly?
The drawback I see about these two options is that they might build her up a bit too much, and give too much power away.
That is OK if you have been intimate already. But if not yet, then I would be more careful with the compliments.
There is a slight difference between the two original examples and the two you mention.
If you notice, in the first two, the compliment is more general (first example) and more an indirect compliment to her as a member of a group of attractive women (second example).
The ones you mention are more about her, in the specific, as being unique.
Small detail, but can make a big difference. Those are the types of compliments that tend to pedestalize women -even if you don't intend so, women might interpret them that way, and that's why I'd be careful with them-.

Yeah, you observed well.
Contrary to what most would believe, depending on the situation, it's not necessary to be the alpha male and/or the group leader.

It does help a lot if you're meeting briefly, though.
As a rule of thumb, the briefer the meet, the more it will be based on first impressions and external traits.

If she's in the social circle instead, the attraction has more chance to develop over time based on character and pure exposure effect.
That's why I never agreed with people saying that social circles are a poor way of meeting women. Social circle is just another way of meeting both new people and new girls. And, depending on the circumstances, it can be a great tool.

My first girlfriend who was visibly and obviously taller than I was, was from my enlarged social circle. Had I met her from cold approach in the street or in a bar, tough luck. But since we had time together, I also had time to "grow" on her, so to speak.

Quote from JP on July 22, 2020, 6:40 am
I like both of your suggestions, and it got me thinking of some more options I'd like to add.What if instead of answering the heckler, we look at the girl with a smile and say "Can't blame the guy, I'd be pretty damn jealous if I was him". Especially in front of the heckler. We could also say "Don't worry, he's just mad that he will never have the balls to get with you".
Do you think it would it be more powerful to kind of ignore/snub the heckler rather than addressing him directly?

The drawback I see about these two options is that they might build her up a bit too much, and give too much power away.

That is OK if you have been intimate already. But if not yet, then I would be more careful with the compliments.

There is a slight difference between the two original examples and the two you mention.
If you notice, in the first two, the compliment is more general (first example) and more an indirect compliment to her as a member of a group of attractive women (second example).
The ones you mention are more about her, in the specific, as being unique.
Small detail, but can make a big difference. Those are the types of compliments that tend to pedestalize women -even if you don't intend so, women might interpret them that way, and that's why I'd be careful with them-.

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#5 · July 24, 2020, 11:48 am

damn those motherfuckers.

i am taller than most girls i dated, so i can't say i've been in your shoes, even though i've been heckled with other things. i understood though that it can get tough from this point of view, especially this being a thing out of your control.

this being said i would NEVER use shoes with lifts. At least not ones that are too obvious. it screams of insecurity and you become an easy target. people generally know that height might be an issue for men, so they attack that (together with penis size, physical weakness, etc)

my default reply for these types of remarks is to imitate a message from a big corporate call center robot:

Thank you, your opinion matters very much! We received your message and will call you back/get back to you ASAP

Try to be as energetic as possible - the more generic the message the funnier it can get. You need time for this though to deliver it fully, you might want to shorten it in tight spaces (thanks for your feedback, we WILL call you back).

i've used this a couple of times when dealing with random hecklers, no matter what they said:

thanks, but i'm taken already

you're ignoring his content, while reframing his delivery. be prepared for some extra verbal sparring afterwards though. One dude (construction worker) got aggressive but that showed that i got under his skin

I'd be pretty damn jealous if I was him

that seems to be a good retort. say it so that he hears you, and turn your back slightly to him, as in ignoring a bratty child. you can also say to the girl, so that every party hears (go meta):

so cute, this guy is trying to hit on you.

and then when you turn and see him again you say a surprised "hello". if you do it smug enough you can really get under his skin

you expose his game attempt. but this is context dependant, you gotta have some rapport with the girl already in place.

Having a crew might help but you might want to focus to rely firstly on yourself.