Former Community – We Moved

🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.

ForumPublic Forum: DatingDating challenges (for men) in ri …

Please or Register to create posts and topics.

Dating challenges (for men) in rich countries

#1 · September 24, 2023, 8:03 pm

Quote from John Freeman on September 24, 2023, 8:03 pm
Hello TPM community,
as you know dating is particularly challenging for men in rich countries due to high socio-economic level of women. And because they look for a man with higher status/income than them. It's more challenging to reach the level they are looking for.
I found this post today on reddit which I thought was spot on and led me to write this post:
I'm a 24 Male living in Sweden and so far I have been trying to date with local women but has been really frustrating , whenever I use a dating app I get totally ignored by most of the women here.
I'm a brown Hispanic guy perhaps that matters to them , I work in a hospital and I have been told by some of my patients that Scandinavian women have a " No mix race " culture which is enforced by families at home and seems to be something common.
I lived in Iceland for a couple of months and the situation was pretty similar or even worse regarding this matter , I remember having a date a couple of weeks ago with a gorgeous and intelligent woman but she was more worried about by the fact that people were staring us all the time rather than enjoying the date.
Does anyone could explain me how does the dating culture works around this far cold and beautiful regions ?
The answer from another Norwegian redditor:
I'm Norwegian so I'll probably be able to provide some input here. However, Sweden and Norway are somewhat different so keep this in mind.
Your idea that being latino is somehow a detriment overal is wrong at least in Norway. Here, being a latino is considered hot as fuck. Between all the blonde people you stand out and that's a good thing. Having a "tan" is considered hot and a lot of Scandinavian people do anything in their power to get darker skin whenever they can. Tanning salons are popular. Latinos have a "sexy" reputation.
It could be that it's worse for you in Sweden as Sweden has a much more diverse population due to much more relaxed immigration policies in the last decades. So you may not stand out in the positive sense in Sweden. But I still doubt there's any detriment. Sure, there are some racists in dating but I don't think there are enough to where you would feel a difference due to this. I think it will cancel out between those who think Latinos are hot and those who avoid foreigners.
Dating apps are difficult for any man anywhere. There's a lot of competition and in richer countries your competitors will also be more likely to pay to get more exposure than you on apps. So keep that in mind.
As for Scandinavian women, they're, in my experience, picky as fuck! And add to this they're often also very tall. So me, being slightly below average in heigt, have had a really hard time with Scandinavian women.
Scandinavian women are also usually high class compared to the rest of the world. They have money and nice clothes. So they like it if it looks like you're also high class. So if you dress up a bit it should help. I personally try to date mostly non-Scandinavians because I realized early on I couldn't live up to the insanely high standards many of them have. There are of course some Scandinavian women who are willing to play ball, but you will have to try somewhat harder than in some other places.
I suspect these same problems would also exist in other rich countries, like Switzerland.
Best of luck!
And yes he's right, women are extremely picky in Switzerland. I think he's spot on.

Hello TPM community,

as you know dating is particularly challenging for men in rich countries due to high socio-economic level of women. And because they look for a man with higher status/income than them. It's more challenging to reach the level they are looking for.

I found this post today on reddit which I thought was spot on and led me to write this post:

I'm a 24 Male living in Sweden and so far I have been trying to date with local women but has been really frustrating , whenever I use a dating app I get totally ignored by most of the women here.
I'm a brown Hispanic guy perhaps that matters to them , I work in a hospital and I have been told by some of my patients that Scandinavian women have a " No mix race " culture which is enforced by families at home and seems to be something common.
I lived in Iceland for a couple of months and the situation was pretty similar or even worse regarding this matter , I remember having a date a couple of weeks ago with a gorgeous and intelligent woman but she was more worried about by the fact that people were staring us all the time rather than enjoying the date.
Does anyone could explain me how does the dating culture works around this far cold and beautiful regions ?

The answer from another Norwegian redditor:

I'm Norwegian so I'll probably be able to provide some input here. However, Sweden and Norway are somewhat different so keep this in mind.
Your idea that being latino is somehow a detriment overal is wrong at least in Norway. Here, being a latino is considered hot as fuck. Between all the blonde people you stand out and that's a good thing. Having a "tan" is considered hot and a lot of Scandinavian people do anything in their power to get darker skin whenever they can. Tanning salons are popular. Latinos have a "sexy" reputation.
It could be that it's worse for you in Sweden as Sweden has a much more diverse population due to much more relaxed immigration policies in the last decades. So you may not stand out in the positive sense in Sweden. But I still doubt there's any detriment. Sure, there are some racists in dating but I don't think there are enough to where you would feel a difference due to this. I think it will cancel out between those who think Latinos are hot and those who avoid foreigners.
Dating apps are difficult for any man anywhere. There's a lot of competition and in richer countries your competitors will also be more likely to pay to get more exposure than you on apps. So keep that in mind.
As for Scandinavian women, they're, in my experience, picky as fuck! And add to this they're often also very tall. So me, being slightly below average in heigt, have had a really hard time with Scandinavian women.
Scandinavian women are also usually high class compared to the rest of the world. They have money and nice clothes. So they like it if it looks like you're also high class. So if you dress up a bit it should help. I personally try to date mostly non-Scandinavians because I realized early on I couldn't live up to the insanely high standards many of them have. There are of course some Scandinavian women who are willing to play ball, but you will have to try somewhat harder than in some other places.
I suspect these same problems would also exist in other rich countries, like Switzerland.
Best of luck!

And yes he's right, women are extremely picky in Switzerland. I think he's spot on.

Lucio Buffalmano, Roberto and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

#2 · September 25, 2023, 11:18 am

Yeah, dating has certainly gone through some changes in the last decades and years -as it always does when the environment changes-.

Women don't need to:

Have a boyfriend as being single is more normal and accepted
Have a provider since they often have jobs and/or can rely on social safety nets
Maintain a "good reputation"

Somehow, whatever the reason, the drive (and search for a partner) to settle down with family/children also seems to have also gone down.

Generally speaking, in the West the appeal and dating market value of the husband/provider has gone comparatively down.
And the appeal of the "sexy lover" has gone comparatively up, including because it faces fewer resistances that were earlier in place.

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#3 · September 25, 2023, 12:39 pm

Hello Lucio,

thanks a lot for your answer. It helps me refine my strategy/image.

Cheers!

#4 · September 27, 2023, 1:01 pm

Hey John, I personally wouldn't change my approach based on general trends.

I'd keep -or change- my approach based on what you want.

The market is large enough that there is enough interest for different types of men, so in my opinion, it's best to approach it with what you want in mind -plus, also being more honest/congruent, and helps you be higher power when you know what you want and what you don't want-.

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#5 · September 27, 2023, 6:23 pm

Thank you Lucio!

I think it’s an important reminder for me. The consequences of being high power when doing so did not fall on deaf ears!